HELP!!! I am so Fustrated!!
Well, lets see...I am new at this, but I really need someone to talk to. I was married in July of 2008 and the "drama" never stops with the biological mom. I get so fustrated at least once a week, because she is a narcissitic person and her life is not fulfilled unless she causes my husband and myself trouble.
My husband has been seperated from her in 2005 when she had an affair on him and divorced in 2006. They have been sharing custody 50/50 since the beginning. My husband told her when they seperated he would always take care of everything for the boys. This was a huge mistake. I get so tired of her calling. She makes things up just to call him and we have gotten so tired of it. She has even gotten to the point to where she calls him at work and my husband thinks it is a customer. We have told her numerous times to stop and she will not. It's like she is still in love with him and she can't stand it if she goes an hour without talking to him. HELP!!!!
Our new drama is...She was fired from her job-(take into consideration she has been fired from about 5 jobs in the past 3 years) and has decided she cannot find a job and doesn't want to work. She has decided to go to DSS get foodstamps and have DSS take us to court to pay her $400.00 a month in child support for 2 kids, after we pay for everything anyway! This whole situation is so irritating and I don't know how to deal with it anymore. I have only been married for a little over 6 months and I am ready to thrown in the towel. My husband is the best man you will ever meet, but it is truly bringing me down. It is making me a very bitter person and I feel like I am going to lose it!
I do not have anyone else to talk to and really need some good advice. I have prayed and prayed, but the drama continues....HELP!!!
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I have been
going through hell for 5 years now and my skids are 16 and 14 i even went as far as trying to get a peace bond against her i have called the police on her and they tell me to record everything that goes on with her the dates times and events and later on it could be brought up in court.I have turned bitter and even against my dh sometimes and have come to the point where i cant take anymore but i love my dh and try to get through things with him so i dont know if i will make it or not.
It makes me so sad, I want to cry!
It is so fustrating. It has gotten completely worse since the marriage. It's like she is trying to make our marriage disolve. I have never in my life met a a man as wonderful as my husband and I know he was sent to me from up above. I just get so "ill" sometimes because of all the mess. I know it is not his fault, but I take it out on him sometimes. He is a very loving man, we just want the ex to stay out of our life.We are getting ready to buy a house and I know when we get ready to go to court for the child support, I have read that most of the times the women win the child support total. Our calculated "owed" child support, because she chooses not to work is $390.00 a month for 2 kids and we cannot afford that? For $390.00 a month, we would have to move out of our home that we our in. After all of our bills, we only have $450.00 a month to last us for gas, food and any other necessities for school, etc. If this is granted to her, we wouldn't have but $60.00 a month to eat and get gas for our cars and that is not feasible? What options to we have?
Not many, unfortunately
I totally sympathize with you about the CS, but I don't think you have any option but to pay it. We are in the same situation, and we pay almost that much for ONE kid, SD15. The frustrating thing for us is that DH and BM had 50/50 custody of SD since their divorce when she was 2. We paid for everything (private school fees, activity fees, clothes, school lunches, etc). Then, when SD was 11 BM decided to move an hour away. We ended up with primary custody of SD and had her about 70 percent of the time for the next four years with NO CS from BM. Then, as soon as DH agreed SD could go live with BM, BM filed for CS. And we have to pay it, and she doesn't have to pay us any back CS. I know how wrenching it is to suddenly have a large chunk of money taken away every month that you NEED. In our case, we have two BDs together, and it's gotten to the point where I can't afford the activity fee for BD5's dance class (her ONLY activity) because of the CS. AND SD15 gets to go to volleyball camps that cost $600. It's is SO not fair, but we were forced to do it. I DO feel for you!
Most people pay betwen
Most people pay betwen $400-$500 for kid, so $390 for two is actually pretty low! It is based on your income though so I can see how that is still too much for you. We had to refinance our house, trade in our nice truck for a smaller car to get a lower payment & spend less on gas, stop putting money into our retirement accounts, change the deductibles on our insurance, change what we claim on our tax withholding, etc etc all to be able to afford to keep sending BM money for a kid that my DH did not even create, after I got laid off and my loser ex got kicked out of the coast guard & is barely sending any money in cs for my son. I definitely understand your frustration! Are there any cutbacks you can make?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
First, welcome....
I am so sorry you are going through this. I would guess that the BM has gotten much worse since the marriage? I would suggest venting here as much as possible, AND possibly seeking some counseling for yourself. As far as the BM...ignore her, seriously. I DO KNOW how incredibly difficult it will be, but if you learn to do that, you will become a more sane person. Also, maybe join a gym to get out your frustrations. I joined myself and am finding it very therapuetic. Good luck and HUGS to you!
I am so sad, it makes me want to cry.
It is so fustrating. It has gotten completely worse since the marriage. It's like she is trying to make our marriage disolve. I have never in my life met a a man as wonderful as my husband and I know he was sent to me from up above. I just get so "ill" sometimes because of all the mess. I know it is not his fault, but I take it out on him sometimes. He is a very loving man, we just want the ex to stay out of our life.We are getting ready to buy a house and I know when we get ready to go to court for the child support, I have read that most of the times the women win the child support total. Our calculated "owed" child support, because she chooses not to work is $390.00 a month for 2 kids and we cannot afford that? For $390.00 a month, we would have to move out of our home that we our in. After all of our bills, we only have $450.00 a month to last us for gas, food and any other necessities for school, etc. If this is granted to her, we wouldn't have but $60.00 a month to eat and get gas for our cars and that is not feasible? What options to we have?
rocky road
Its a rocky road that is for sure and if they are living with their mom he will be paying her CS. Lots of people pay CS and still have the kds 50% of the time.
It makes me so sad, I want to cry!
It is so fustrating. It has gotten completely worse since the marriage. It's like she is trying to make our marriage disolve. I have never in my life met a a man as wonderful as my husband and I know he was sent to me from up above. I just get so "ill" sometimes because of all the mess. I know it is not his fault, but I take it out on him sometimes. He is a very loving man, we just want the ex to stay out of our life.We are getting ready to buy a house and I know when we get ready to go to court for the child support, I have read that most of the times the women win the child support total. Our calculated "owed" child support, because she chooses not to work is $390.00 a month for 2 kids and we cannot afford that? For $390.00 a month, we would have to move out of our home that we our in. After all of our bills, we only have $450.00 a month to last us for gas, food and any other necessities for school, etc. If this is granted to her, we wouldn't have but $60.00 a month to eat and get gas for our cars and that is not feasible? What options to we have?
house
If you buy the house it will be a great tax deduction for you, but I would evaluate the income to see if you can afford the house after CS. Definitely do this before you close.
Are we married to the same man??
I recently got married July 2008 and my husband is the most giving and loving man I have ever met. BM is every week causing drama and filed for custody for the kids. There are 3 in my case. She cheated on him and they separated in 2005 and divorced in 2006. Our BM also likes to use the system to her advantage. Like have a high paying job, not work a full 40 hour week (be out for FMLA) so she can lower her income for medicaid for the kids and food stamps. And I forgot to mention narcissitic person that would rather spend money on herself then her kids....even feed them.
The oldest SS that started this mess is slowly realizing he is only a means to money. Karma is a biyotch to BM. She has to move out of a house she can't afford....ok she could but chooses never to pay her bills on time.
If this leach got all 3 we are looking at around $800. There is no way we could afford that and we make descent money.
Frustrated....reading your blog is like reading my life and I am glad I am not alone.
Still ILL
Sometimes I feel lke I am all alone in this. I tell my husband all the time, sometimes I just can't take it. It makes me wonder how bitter and depressed I am going to be the longer I am in this relationship. It is making me a person that I do not want to be. How can it get better? I have prayed and prayed, but it seems like it is always something with her. She loves to cause problems.
I would recommend that your
I would recommend that your DH needs to set some boundaries. Don't answer the phone when she calls let it go to voice mail and only call her back if it is an emergency. Once he does this it will get worse before it gets better but eventually it will get better. Tell your DH that you both need to work on your relationship and there isn't enough room for 3 people. I had almost the same issue but with email instead. Pick your communication poison because it seems they always wiggle their way in. Decide between you and your DH how you are to handle communication with her and stick to it no matter what. This will make you feel like you have some control in your own life.