i think that their bio parents maybe let the beans spill. my bf will tell me how 'unwanted' sd11 feels when i deny playing with her, even if she and i had just done something together. and he says it to where she can hear it.

all kids can sense tension and anxiety.

and skids are made to feel like they are the 'victims'. sp's are made to feel like they should know better. its a vicous game. we sp's just want a good relationship with our SO's but yet we have to deal with a bunch of bullshit, most of the time created by the skids! so tell me, who are the REAL victims?

sorry got off topic a bit. lol, yes they probably sense it, but at the same time the bios need to just ease up on the pity party they throw the skids all day everyday, then maybe skids will act like normal regular kids.

more intuitive than we give them credit for. I think that's how they know how to manipulate, or "push our buttons". Even without some knowledge of the dynamic of the parents and/or the step-parents. They just know. They sense stress. They sense it in our faces and our bodies.

I think if you have distaste for a child, you are giving off the vibe - no matter how good of an actor you think you are. You can't always control facial expressions, or fake signs of true affection.

When it comes to children, I often take the stand that no one wants to hear. But I'm saying it because you asked how we feel about it.

I feel like I'm the adult. So I need to suck up my distaste. Usually, if I don't like a kid, instead of turning the light on the child and lighting up all of the ways they disappoint or anger me, I turn that light inward and find out why I have such a problem with what they are doing. Is it something I wasn't brought up to do? Is it something I would never do? Is it a learned behavior or just their personality? Does what their doing really affect me / my life so much that I can't just get over it? And isn't there just one good thing that I can find about this kid to concentrate on to help me be a positive adult influence in their life? Just one thing that I can respect and / or bond with. Once I know that, then I know how to proceed. Once I find that 1 thing I usually can get the kid's behavior (at least toward me) turned around.

The only story I have on this is my niece. When I married DH, she made a point of telling everyone she wouldn't call me Aunt. Her mother was all upset. I didn't care. She doesn't have to call me aunt. Whatever. She was trying to push my buttons and I knew it because she was a bratty kid!! So I ignored her. And at the same time, I also found out she was very talented artist. So I started talking to her about art and her drawings. If she was rude, I'd tell her so. But if she was just quiet, I'd talk to her. Now this kid looks me up on FB to talk, tells me she loves me and calls me Aunt! And she was a little b*tch - I gotta tell ya. Kids can be won over. But it takes a lot of work on our part as the adults. And I think that a lot of people don't feel that as adults they need to do that. Which is fine. I get it and I'm not criticizing anyone. It's just not how I was brought up. Get it?? !!

It's our instinct. How many times have you met someone and thought to yourself, "Ooo... I don't feel right about this person."???

Kids are the same way.

Blabb knows how I feel about her... but that's because I don't pretend to like her.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

My BM always told me how my "dads wife" hated me and was only being nice because "daddy said so"....I totally believed that so each time my stem mom (who by the way I wish was my BM) would punish me or wouldnt give me my way i was totally convinced she was only being nice because she had to. I almost looked for things she would do or say just to go back and report back to my BM. It wasn't until years later when my dad and her divorced (kept in contact because she had my brother and sister) that I realized how loved I was by her. I agree that it's the "adults" that tend to make things more difficult for kids.

I now see it all over again with my skids. When "mommy" is mad at me and she shares that with them then I can do nothing right by them. They run back to their mom and tell her how mean I am being towards them or how I don't treat them the same as I do my son. On the flip side when she is trying to "put her family back together" (aka stalking my husband) she tells the kids nothing but good things about me...im sure in an attempt to show my husband that it's me who causes all the problems...but it's then they think the world of me and become very clingy.

I just have to go with the flow of things and treat them the same way no matter what their behavior is like towards me. I have to admit there are days where I just cant stand the skids but I have to take a moment to myself and remember the only reason i feal that way is because of the way the are treating me...its very difficult to care for anyone adult or child when they are treating you like crap. I feel the same way about my own son...when he becomes disrespectful I surely dont want to to take time from my day to spend kissing his ass. My husband does a great job of letting them know they are in the wrong so that has helped also...I strongly believe there is a very special place in heaven for Step Parents!

For that reason, I don't bother to try and hide my feelings. I am very polite because I think that is correct but I am not over there trying to smother skids them in kisses. I used to throw them birthday parties and try to take them on outings as I would have my own kids but they rjected every overture I made. They have been very mean to me and I don't trust them with my heart. Skids are 16 and 18 so I think they are old enough to be held accountable for how they act. At this point, I think that we don't have to all like each other but we do need to be polite and respectful.

Some people might disagree and think I should make more overtures towards them. I have made many and have been severely burned by both of them due to PAS from BM. I think I am a human being and deserve honor and respect although some people seem to think SM's are supposed to be doormat's or something.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

I can't stand my stepson unfortunately. The sound of his voice annoys me, just looking at him reminds me of his mother. It's nothing he even has to do, I just resent his existence perios and I know that is horrible but just him being around is a constant reminder of my fiance's mistake. The fact that I can't stand his mother makes it really hard to like him even though I know it isn't his fault who he has for a mother. I am nice, I try really hard to fake it but I'm sure he picks up on little things. I think all we can do is try to be respectful and nice to our step kids. No where does it say we have to love them or even like them.