I think you should go for the sake of your husband. Stay away from her while your there. Once it's over, do your best to have little to do with her.

i still wouldn't go. the apology is not sincere, it's all about her wanting her son there. she needs to learn to think before she runs her giant pie hole, something she should have learned a long time ago. i would stand firm that you are just done with her. there are some boundaries that once crossed, you just can't come back from.

Personally I wouldn't go but make sure dh knows he is welcome to go on his own.

No - You do not need to go...Sorry, but my MIL called me a "Money Grubbing Whore" awhile back and there are some things you just can not come back from...Your MIL said some horrid things and backed them up with not inviting to the party. Why give her another chance? All you are doing is opening yourself up to more drama at the party.

Just because we marry these guys with crazy moms and dads, does not mean we have to have a relationship with their Parents.

My MIL and FIL are not welcome here. We have been together for 8 years and this works well. DH sees them occasionally and talks to his dad from time to time. But, that is it. They are not my parents, I don't have to put up with them or have a relationship with them in anyway. His siblings are not much better and have done some incredulous stuff so they are not welcome here either and we used to vacation with all of them and spouses to vegas every year! That stopped when I got tired of being treated like dirt.

DO not go, not worth the drama and it sounds like your SIL only forced her to do it. The feelings about feeling bad for her comments and behavior weren't there...

i forget, yosemite, is it being held in the town where you live (or close to it?)

Her apology was not sincere, especially coming from a third party. The only reason she 'apologized' is because she's wants your DH there and if he's stated he won't go if you're not going, then she feels she has no choice. I agree with Dog Person, your DH should go, but only because of the circumstances with his father. If you go, all eyes are going to be on you and MIL waiting for an explosion. I wouldn't pee on her if she was on fire, but this is their special day and I'd let her have it - without me.

thats a tough one... i'd go w/ DH to give my condolences to FIL (haha) for lasting so long w/ MIL. but mostly just cuz he wont be around much longer. screw her fake apology, i'd show up early before too many other guests (incl. BM), ignore MIL completely, give FIL a hug, then leave immediately. i couldnt go pretending everything is hunky-dory, and i wouldnt give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks about who we did/didnt talk to or how long/short we stayed.

but that's just my opinion. go with your gut

I would go, I would be standing tall & proud by my man, show her that you're better than her. But I would also go up and kindly whisper in her ear, you know the only reason your darlin' son is here, is because of my kindness, but you should never mistake my kindness for weakness, then walk away. Have an awesome time, hey it's a party, do they have an open bar? If not, drinks are on MIL, tell'em she's picking up your tab }:)

I would not go. This whole thing is like a bad dream. The fact is, she came into your home not once but TWICE.to insult you. Then she gets yet another person involved. It's beyond ridiculous. She is not sorry for her cruel words. And I certainly don't see where your SO has reason to be upset with YOU for standing up for yourself and your kids in your own home.

Wow this is a tough one. But I did read this to my dh and he said not to go. He thinks mil is just playing a game and she is losing so he recruited someone to help her. I'd haveva long talk with my dh and let him know that if she came face to face with me and apologize I'd be willing to to take the step and go but killed has to take the first step. Since her DD did it then it doesn't count it has to be her. Let him know that you didn't start it but his mom did and all you are asking for is a sender apology.

Go or not, but I wouldn't take my kids and subject them to that awful woman. I like the idea of going early, and leaving, your SO can stay or not, but work it out in advance (2 cars etc) and because its his dad's last, your SO should be there and not feel guilty about it.

Then I would leave, pick up my kids and have a bio blast!!! ice cream, fun, pizza - whatever.

Be gracious.(Relish in the fact that you cussed her out TWICE and prevailed on top).

Be the bigger person. It will mean a lot to your husband. Alternately if you do not go, I don' think your husband will be very happy. He has stuck up for you, stood his ground and now all kids are invited.

Show up and smile.

You made her back down. Your SO made it clear where he stands (on your side). She knows your boundaries now. I'd go.

go. for your dh and fil. you dont have to speak to mil. or be near her at all. but there's going to be a time you'll wish you were there for fil and dh.

And well done btw, your response when she let herself into your house was legendary.

Look, so what if the FIL is dying. People die...your SO should go and be there, but you should not. All you are doing is going to add to the drama with that MIL. I am sure I sound terrible and unsympathetic to the situation, but she did some horrible things here.

I have buried a husband and a child and let me tell you this, even in great family situations death brings out the worst in people. If she goes to this, she has to go to his death bed, his funeral and everything in between and that is going to put her in the place of the scapegoat for all their guilty feelings. They are mad now with this, it will just escalate with the situation, it will not get better....Time will heal, but you don't have that luxury with him dying now...

Her kids will be treated way worse as the situation progresses, it is better to disengage now and they won't expect her to be there for the really ugly stuff...And ugly is coming! Trust me, people are awful when they lose a family member. I belong to a widow blog that was started by the 911 widows for young widows and the stories on there are unbelievable.

It appears that the rest of the family does not feel like the mil.
BUT, the one thing that sticks in my mind is how she talked about your kids after they helped her around the house and do things for her. HOw dare her! That would have been the straw that broke the camels back. fuck her.

I would not go, she let you know her true feelings. The only reason she wants you there is because she wants her son there - and even then she couldn't grit her teeth and "apologise" out of her own hateful mouth.
Also, I would explain to DH that you are not comfortable being there but you support him being there - especially with his dad's worsening conditions. Also, if his reason for wanting you to be there is because he's uncomfortable with BM being there, he's being a bit self-serving too. He needs to be a big boy and go for his dad (since he knows you don't have a problem with it) and allow you to work through your feelings about/with his mother in your own time - and hopefully with some sincerity behind it.

Hey - she's backing down big time. Milk it.

Tell her that you will ALL come - but BM MUST not be present. done deal.

Yosemite, I vote that you go. My MIL made a racist comment to me. In front of her grandchildren. So the SS we have in our custody doesn't dare repeat the racist remark but his older brother did twice. My DH set him straight. He is no longer allowed in my home ever.

But because MIL said those words to me, she looks like the biggest stupidest bigot there ever was. And my DH let her know.

Since my DH stood up to her, I stood next to DH & he respects me for that. I went to ALL the functions after that & NEVER said a word to her. Now, his family invite me to their functions but won't invite her if they know I'm coming. She has since apologized. I don't care, I still don't talk to her but I go anyway. Now she really wants to make amends with me. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But she realizes she's the one that looks like a knuckle dragger.

I still think So should go with out you. I'm scared that if you go that someone will hurt your feeling or possibly one of your kids. Or you would react bad to something someone said. Tension will be high its just not worth the drama or stress. Tell SO that you appreicate that he stood up for you but that you don't think this is the right time for you to go to a family function and that you really want him to go. Its no longer about whos winning or whos looseing your SO has proven that he has you back. You know he does, let him go spend time with his father. Make him go alone. Theres plenty of time later to teach MIL and SIL that your no push over.

If you can be civil - I would go for DH's sake. I know I could not be - my mother bear would tear her to shreds party or no... family there or no...

Gotta go with the Marcia Brady line "Something suddenly came up!"

nope. Wouldn't go. Couldn't pay me to go, couldn't drag me there. End of story.

MIL is a racist pig and the BM is going to be there. Pit of Vipers...

You live in/around the same town - your SO can visit his father plenty aside from the party.

I wouldn't go, and if your MIL really wanted DH to go, she'd ask HIM what she had to do to make him feel comfortable and friggin do it, not get her daughter to do it for her.