I just told SO's mom to f**k off..it's gonna hit the fan now! I don't regret it though cause she was talking smack about my kid.
So background is that SO's parents are having a 50th anniversary party. It originally was going to be a big to do in SO's home state. SO's dad found out he has lung cancer and can't travel, so they scaled back and will be having the party here in the state where they retired to and we live. In the course of scaling back, they dis-invited my two oldest children (but not BM!), which pissed me off but I haven't said anything to them due to the circumstances.
SO's mom just dropped by and announced that she is on her way to an appointment to have a slide show created for the party. She had gone back and forth since we are not married, but has decided she would like to include a picture of me with SO in her slide show. She said it's not really necessary but that if I wanted I can also include pics of my two bio kids, but definitely not my adopted daughter. She said we are not even really family since we are not married and she doesn't want to be related to a black lesbian who is a teen mom (at 19) even if we ever do get married. My kids are biracial.
I couldn't help it, I said you know what "SO's mom's name", you can fuck off. I don't want to be in your slide show, I won't be at your party and I could care less about being part of your family!
Then I walked into my room and slammed the door. She left.
Mind you she eloped with her husband at 17, had her first baby at 18 and it was a big scandal in her family at the time because she was Catholic and he wasn't. She sure is casting stones.
But when SO hears about it, shit will hit the fan cause obviously he loves his mom! I liked her fine till very recently. The sad part is, I don't even think she was being deliberately offensive, she's just has a MAJOR lack of social skills.
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Wow, so southerners are the
Wow, so southerners are the only bigots out there? Are you for real?? My family is southern, I was brought up southern and no one in my family would ever think such a thing much less say it. Now my DH terribly well-bred clan from the frigging north has the bigotry and racial slurs just spilling out all over the place. I've lived all over and I don't think I was ever in a more prejudiced place with more racial slurs than Michigan - just my experience. Your assumption is evidence of your own bigotry and is equally disgusting.
Well, I am Southern, so all i
Well, I am Southern, so all i have to say to you is...Bless your Heart. Other Southerners know how that translates.
Bullshit - I am 67 years old
Bullshit - I am 67 years old and was raised in the deep deep South. I find what you said to be the most insulting thing ever. I can't believe you are such a prejudiced bigot. YOU are just as bad as her horrible MIL.
I hope you choke on that lemon.
I not a homophobic racist. Thanks for the attempted smear. I AM NOT LAUGHING AT ALL.
Yes, LOTS of racists up here.
Yes, LOTS of racists up here. Getting better now that the population is getting more integrated, IMO.
I would not excuse racism or
I would not excuse racism or homophobia from anyone. And she was being awful about her daughter and that "real family" comment would have sent me over the edge too. Good for her.
Holy shizzz balls! I do
Holy shizzz balls!
I do think this is one instance where it is okay to tell your kinda MIL to eff off. I don't know how much more offensive you can get than THAT! So what if your daughter is adopted or bi racial or a teen mom!?!?!?! That does NOT give her the okay to talk shit to you about one of the most precious things in YOUR life! And SO WHAT if she is old!!! That does NOT give her the right to talk shit on whoever's kids! I would call your SO before his mother does so you can be the one to tell him and he doesn't come at you. Of course he loves his Mom, but my mom does and says stupid stuff all the time that I have to tell her is NOT OKAY! Good luck with that situation hunny!
His mom said it like we are
His mom said it like we are waiting for him to be ready to marry me. But actually we have been together 5 years. He has asked me to marry him, but I have reservations. Not because of SO, but because of finances and our families. I personally feel like marriage used to be about being together forever, but now even if you are married, either of you can leave whenever you want and they get to keep half of the other's stuff. I'm not sure I'm down with that. I make 3x what SO does and have significantly more savings as well as pension and 401k. So I don't see the urgency in getting married.
Update- just got off the
Update- just got off the phone with SO. As expected, he is majorly pissed at me for telling his mom to fuck off. He thinks that because his dad has cancer and his mom is socially awkward, I should let anything that happens right now slide due to circumstances. I agree to a point, but this was too much.
And for the record, I have visited this woman in the hospital, nursed her after surgery, my bio daughter has cleaned her house after surgery, my adopted daughter has run errands for her, my son goes with my SO and helps around her house all the time.
I also have made sure her husband ate when she was out of town and as recently as last week I took him to the doctor when she couldn't.
That is NOT being "socially
That is NOT being "socially awkward". That is being racist, sexist and homophobic! No social awkwardness about it!
Socially Awkward: an individual excessively afraid of social interaction due to some form of peer rejection or personal choice. Presenting a form or different forms of uncomfort-ability when around others.
Nowhere in that definition does it say ANYTHING about being rude, racist or calling people names!
you and your children have
you and your children have done ALL THIS for them and they still consider bm family and you and your children not worthy. i don't blame you one bit and i'd be breaking it off with so for not having your back. screw all of them! i'm about to do the same thing with my dh.
The funny part is her own
The funny part is her own granddaughter is a lesbian and they are all too afraid to tell her.
If he doesn't back you up on
If he doesn't back you up on this, I would seriously take a long hard look at your relationship. No one deserves to be treated that way. She could of left you out of the slide show, but she sure as hell didn't need to tell you why so bluntly to your face...
Sweeping generalizations are
Sweeping generalizations are a logical fallicy. Especially from someone who just days ago was complaining about her sd dating a Hispanic drug dealer. Drug dealer would have been enough but you had to throw race out there.
Exactly. I didn't say half
Exactly. I didn't say half what I wanted to either. I was trying very hard to hang onto my tongue but it just came out.
^^this. It works even better
^^this. It works even better in the north, they think you're being sweet
Nah. Some of us northerners
Nah. Some of us northerners have southern parents.
Obviously this is a regional
Obviously this is a regional reference cause I am confused about why I would say that to her....I don't want to bless anything about her right now!
In the south it's the polite
In the south it's the polite way to say f you.
OH! Thank you I was not
OH! Thank you I was not getting that at all.
Yep!! I learned it from my
Yep!! I learned it from my grandmother. She was born and raised in Clarksville, Tennessee. Moved to Detroit during the big auto boom, but she kept that Southern CHARM about her for her entire 97 years on this Earth.
I've learned a whole lot of fun things from her. Imagine being a Southern white woman in the heart of Detroit city! Yeah, tough old girl. It's where I got my Detroit Attitude. I'll forever be grateful to her for that.
Echo, you are so correct.
Echo, you are so correct. I'm southern transplanted to the Midwest and I giggle as well when I pull that phrase out. Redwings you are badass
LOL It's so fun to see
LOL It's so fun to see people's reactions (or lack thereof) when you smile all sweet and just say "Bless your heart"...
I'm not badass I'm just never going to be walked on again!
Love you guys!
Glad you asked Yosemite
Glad you asked Yosemite because I had no clue either - I figured it meant something bad though LOL
LOL. Quite a few years ago my
LOL. Quite a few years ago my little sister's MIL visited them for two weeks.
Afterwards I asked her how the visit went. She said it wasn't too bad.
I told my little sister that she was very brave, because had my exH's mother spent two weeks with me, I would have sent her home in her own suitcase. }:)
My little sister laughed so hard at what I said, she damn near wet herself.
Thank you guys for all the
Thank you guys for all the responses. I feel better. I was feeling very stressed because I tried to hang onto my tongue and couldn't. I know it will still be drama later today because SO is mad about it. Bring it on cause I really don't regret saying it.
Hey there. Your SO's mother
Hey there. Your SO's mother did not display social awkwardness. She's just plain old rude, racist, homophobic and a jerk.
Your SO should not be making excuses for her (or yelling at you for that matter). He should have had her on the horn, reaming her butt over what she said to you about your children.
Tell him he's lucky that wasn't me. I would have not only told her to eff off, I would have probably chased her out of the house with a garden shovel.
Ok, I have you all beat. I
Ok, I have you all beat. I was born and raised in Detroit!
LMAO Soon2B - yes, pretty
LMAO Soon2B - yes, pretty much.
Funny story: we used to live in Hawaii and went to Hooters A LOT. I knew all the managers, regular customers, Hooters girls. DD15 was an "honorary Hooters girl" and helped the girls sing the Birthday song to patrons, blow up balloons, "worked" in the store, etc.
We were at our regular table and there was a man sitting at the table across from ours. DD was about 8 or 9 yrs old, slid her stool backwards and hopped on, bumping this man by accident. Ok, she's a KID right? He turned around and really rudely told her to stop bumping him, she was a little brat.
I almost came UNGLUED! I calmly walked from my side of the table around and got right in this man's face and DARED him to say ONE MORE FUCKING WORD to my daughter. She's a little kid, she bumped him by ACCIDENT and he calls her a brat?
He immediately apologized and said he was having a bad day. Sorry buddy, a bad day does not excuse you for treating my daughter like shit.
No, us Detroit girls don't play. I've been out of Detroit for many years now, but you'd never know it. And I'm just a short shit. I barely make 5' in height but what I lack in vertical height, I make up for in sheer DO NOT FUCK WITH ME stance...
Thanks girl
Thanks Soon2B for
Thanks Soon2B for understanding the concept of it. I've been called a bitch, harsh, cold, uncaring - but not by people who truly KNOW me. People who know I have a heart of gold and will fiercely protect those I care for.
And you're right - I've been out of Detroit for years now, but it's still there in me. Every day, every minute. It's what brought me out of an abusive, controlling relationship to stand on my own two feet and rebuild my life.
I will forever be proud of my hometown even as people snub their nose up at it and call it a horrific, filthy, downtrodden piece of shit city.
I think this woman is someone
I think this woman is someone you should remove from your life. Adios to her.
Your two Biokids should not
Your two Biokids should not have been taken off the list. It shows bad taste. Dh should tell his mother and father that ya'll will not be attending. That to excluded his girlfriends children due to their race is disrespectful. And to excluded a teen because she is black, pg, and a lesbian is just ridicules. These are the people that Dh has chose to have in his life they should be accepted.
I'm not sure I would have used the F word. But I damn sure wouldn't go to the party. And if my DH did, it would be over.
I'm a VERY non racist person and I get offened by some of the things my family sayes mostly behide close doors never to anyones face or out in public. Even though my family feels that way they would have the respect to shut the hell up when we are around kids of mixed races or black children. They would never do anything to hurt anothers feelings.
Yes we do have black friends and are around their children we also have gay friends female and male. We beleive to eachs own. Who are we to judge.
I don't blame you at all for
I don't blame you at all for what you said. Good for you for standing up for youself!
It's pretty miraculous, IMO,
It's pretty miraculous, IMO, that fuck off was all you said.