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I am flat out jealous. There's no way to dress it up. Crap.

Yosemite's picture

Submitted by Yosemite on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 12:40pm

My AD19 is my SD from my relationship with my bios father. CPS placed her with me and I wound up adopting her. She had a baby in November. Her BM saw found her on FB and now has moved back here to try and have a relationship with her daughter and granddaughter. Intellectually, I know this is a good thing for AD19. BUT I went to see her last night and they had had pictures taken where her BM and the baby are wearing matching shirts with cute little phrases on them. For some reason, this is bothering the hell out of me.
I mean, she IS her mother. But she also abandoned her and flat out told the judge in court in front of AD and CPS that she had her own problems and she didn't care what happened to AD. AD and I went through some really rough times due to her issues from being abandoned. So why should her BM now get to ride in to play Grandma?

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PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 12:43pm

I am dreading that day with the skids. Both BMS up and abandoned them...haven't heard from them in years...not even a birthday card. But I just know once they are grown and no longer a "burden" to care for they will both swoop back in and play happy family.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Is there any way you can talk to AD about your feelings? Or would it not go over well?

Yosemite's picture

Submitted by Yosemite on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 12:55pm

I don't think it would go over well. AD is sooo excited that her BM is interested regaining a relationship with her. I think she blamed herself for being abandoned,even though I and her counselors stressed it was not her fault. I'm also worried for AD that BM might just flake out again at any moment. AD did talk to me about whether or not to talk to her BM, but I think she would resent me forever if I stood in the way.
Right now I feel about as useless as crutches after a broken leg has healed.

ETA- This was a response to PeanutandSons, not sure why it posted at the bottom.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Wed, 03/20/2013 - 1:45pm

That does suck and you sound like a wonderful person for not standing in the way of this "reunification".
The only advice I can give is that you still be the mom that you always have been to your AD. It sounds like your consistency to be there for her is what helped develop a strong relationship between the two of you and I believe now more than ever she'll need that because it sounds like there may be a possibility that BM will somehow flake out again and you'll be the mom that AD comes to.
I wish you the best momma!