It will NEVER end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Camping trip was JUST what I thought! H3LL!!!!!!!!!!! SD13 sat and pouted for hours at a time.....didnt open her mouth when i was around BUT chatted like a mag-pie while I was out of sight! SD13 sat and passed out nasty looks day after day! I tried my best to not let it bother me.... PROBLEM: DH did NOTHING! even after saying that he would not let SD13 disrespect me! I talked to DH about her NASTY/disrespectful behavior...and asked why he was standing by and doing nothing.....all he did was make excuses his "punishment" consisted of him talking to SD13 and expressing his wishes for SD13 to interact and be a social part of the trip...BUT DH did nothing when SD was rude and disrespectful!! SO SD13 learned AGAIN that SHE is the boss and can control our lives.............
I have been very calm with all of this behavior and have tried to support my DH stepping up.....even when DH found the burned paper when sd13 was bruning things in her room....I said nothing!!!! I have stepped way back.......I just cant hold my anger....I am so mad at DH!!!!!!!
Needless to say I blew my top yesterday when SD13 told DH a lame excuse and lie to DH when DH told SD13 that she would interact with the family or else....she did nothing but said to DH "I tried to interact but no one was in the room to interact with" and "When I asked ______ (step sister 13) to play a Wii Game with me she said "I dont want to play you are mean to everyone"" Problem is I BLEW MY TOP when DH had the NERVE to ask me what SD13 had done for ________(BD13) to say that to SD13!??? And DH was mad at me for MY child's comment!!!!!!!! He didnt ask anything about what happened/get any facts or give any thought to SD13's lying about what happened... WTF?? SD13 caused too much stress on our trip... BD13 was aggrovated over Stepsister's actions and doesnt care to be forced to interact with someone so rude...BD's dont want to be around SD13 when she treats me like she does... DH was MAD that SD13 had "tried" but got shot down....After I questioned all involved it finally came out that SD13 made it up and was LYING!!!!! Did he do anything about it?? NO!!!!!! WHO is HE kidding????? DH MUST parent his child and he MUST set and stick to limits!!!!! I can't deal with SD13 any more......she brings out the very worst in me....
ANY suggestions on HOW to get my feelings/point across that I am TIRED of being disrespected and that I expect DH to do his job!??? I let my frustration get to the point of my blood boiling and I EXPLODE.....my bad behavior and sheer ANGER make everything bad then.....and yes I have tried over and over to have calm discussions about this with DH......he promises to step up and does NOTHING... Im at my wits end 
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I went the same route. After
I went the same route. After YEARS of ss13 treating me like your sd treats you-ignoring you-acting as if she is better than the rest of the family, being disrespected-BTDT. Also had issues with aggression towards my kids, death threats, etc-also had a dh like yours.
He just didnt get it! When all of the other kids (there's 3 of them 9,11, and 13) were upset with ss over him talking shit about me-dh's comment would be-"looks like they are ganging up on him". Duh! He is talking smack about their mom. Dh's ignoring of the problem has only made things worse over the years-my children have absolutely NO desire to have anything to do with ss-none-they dont care if they ever see him again. I dont care either. He wants nothing to do with us and has spent years making sure we are aware of this-but in very overt ways and in more subtle ways as well.
I finally got to the point as BLM. Right now, my dh is out of town-will be home in 2 weeks (yay)-he has been gone since November. We havent seen ss since. He will not be coming back to our house to visit. Dh is more than welcome to visit with him as much as he likes-just away from the house. SS has been asked, pleaded with, demanded, threatened and all to no avail-he has no interest in being respectful or fitting into the family in anyway (despite the fact that we've all been together since he's been 1)
I was very scared when I finally told dh that this was it! No more discussion-I cant live with it anymore. Being treated like a leper in my home was destrying my self-esteem-as much as I disengaged from ss and his behavior-the direct treatment of me was one thing I just couldnt disengage from. DH was amazingly cool with it. He apologized to me-said he wanted to make it up to me-said he realized that he needed to do things much differently with ss-and had an idea of where he could visit with him.
In retrospect, I wish that I had never allowed it to go on as long as I did-I hope that you find the courage to stand up for yourself.
Ugh...I just posted about how
Ugh...I just posted about how I was seeing some positive changes with my SO after a couple big discussions...but I'm only dealing with a 6-year-old SD (the SS14 is no problem), which seems like smaller potatoes compared to your situations with the teens. I don't have anything constructive to say other than that I feel bad you ladies are going through this and would your DHs be willing to take part in couples counseling?
A StepTalk intervention! I'M
A StepTalk intervention! I'M on board with that one!! I will start the weekend plans now...Girls (and guys) pack your bags!!
The part that some may miss is SD13 lives with us ALL the time! No BM! Out of the picture.....SOOOOOO......Im stuck in H3LL day n day out! UGH!!(+ I'm a Stay home mom)
I just hate that I talk til Im blue in the face and DH doesnt get it!! He's such a guilty parent that it makes me sick....OVER and OVER it has been proven that SD13 is doing wicked things and lying about it....so WHY wont DH get real with this kid and MAKE her behave......BUT DH is upset if my BD say anything against his lil DLP??? She is wicked and has even listed the ways she plans on getting me "out of her life" but it doesn't STICK in his brain!??
DH does try and he is inconsistant...and DLP KNOWS IT!! DH wont stick to his guns...at one point I was very firm and consistant with SD13 (with therapy help) It was working and SD13 was doing better most of the time....UNTIL SD found that she could play a Tattle Telling game and I would get NO backing from DH....So I just had enough and said I cant take it anymore.....I have been doing good for about 7 weeks with not loosing my cool with it all and tolerating the BS/disrestect from SD13 hoping things would get better and DH would keep his promises....Im just so sad and tired.......Thanks for all your help!