Unhappy
When my husband and I had first met, his daughter lived with her mom. I fell hard and fast for him that I was blinded to everything, he had told me he was diagnosed as a sociopath and that it was wrong and I didn't believe he was, he was just too loving to be that. He's a truck driver and I went with him. He stopped going over the road to get custody of his daughter. We had been engaged for over a year so he wanted to go ahead and get married to help him get custody, which he got. She lived with us for 2 years (7-9 yrs old) and in those 2 years I had learned a lot about both of them. She argues ( he argues with her), she acts younger than her age, a bully to other kids, abusive with animals, does whatever she wants,etc. I've tried to help with discipline ( I have 3 kids of my own, 2 grown and youngest almost 17) but hard to do when her father doesn't work with me, he doesn't stick with punishment, ground her for a few days and he ungrounds her even if it was him who grounded her. He's very contradicting with everything, selfish, rude, doesn't have empathy, uses people, lies. They are a lot alike. Last May he sent his daughter to her mom for the school year to get her professional help. Found out a few days ago she's been diagnosed ADHD and ODD. I'm at a loss, don't know what to do. Anyone else in similar situation?
- Whisper1276's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Now that you know he's a
Now that you know he's a sociopath what are you going to do about it? Have you looked into therapy, do you want to get therapy or are you considering cutting your losses and moving on? If this is not addressed you will endure a lifetime of craziness.
Eventually
I've been my mother's caregiver since May last year and 10 years before I met my husband. A month ago she was put on hospice and just last week I had to put her in the nursing home since she got to where she required 24hr care. This is a very small dead end town. I have a driver's license but not much experience, have a fear of driving which I'll be working on now that there's a car. My daughter lives with us, she has her permit (she's 19), we are making plans to help each other. I started seeing a therapist, only went once though since I got cut off insurance which I should be approved for once I reapply since my mother's income is no longer in the household. I have epilepsy, got denied disability 2 times. I'll eventually get it figured out. My daughter isn't happy either
I know it seems like a lot..
I know it seems like a lot.. but you have to focus on what you can realistically do and accept and work on the things you cannot. If you have epilepsy that is not controlled, that will limit your ability to hold a job if you are in an area without public transportation or where any job would be further away. I can see it being a barrier to even doing caregiver work since a family might be concerned that you might become incapacitated. However, if your epilepsy is controlled, it should not require you to get on disability.. controlled epilepsy isn't a disability. My YSD has been on seizure meds for almost 10 years.. holds a full time and a robust part time job and drives.. no problems... but her meds 100% control her acitivity.
The good thing is that your daughter should be able to work with you in regards to getting transportation straight. Does she have access to a car? What's up with her father... can he help her secure a car so that she at a minimum can provide transportation so that she can get to a job. Are there any areas where you might be able to relocate to that WILL have better prospects for jobs? Also, if you are in an abusive home, there may be resources for that too.
You don't have to be the victim here. you are in control of your destiny. You are not without skills, you can get on the internet right? You can cook.. clean.. etc? Maybe there is a cleaning service that needs help? Maybe you can get another livein caretaker job? Does your daughter work?.. she can waitress..or be a receptionist.. or even do caretaker work herself.
Whisper, sending love and
Whisper, sending love and light to you and know that everything will work for your greater good. Happy to know that you are making an effort and with your daughters help you both will be fine. Wishing you strength during this time with your mother. I know this is emotionally draining as well.
sadly familiar
In a very similar situation. In my house it's me, my SO, DD14 and SS17 (technically not married). SS17 has been diagnosed with ADHD for many years, and at this age and size he's worse than ever. He also fits the bill for ODD, NPD, basically a real a-hole much of the time.
The arguments I see are between mother and son, which lead to SS17 being a bully to both his mother and my daughter when I'm not home. I spend a lot of time dealing with arguments or the aftermath of them. Meds and therapy can help, but there are no easy fixes
Are you at a loss because you
Are you at a loss because you want to leave him but don't know if you can? Since his daughter has ODD she's a future sociopath. Best thing to do is cut your losses and leave him. If you are unhappy it's time to change your life.