Question
Well, BM finally did call, and we'll be having the kids over this weekend. YAY! 
Thanks to this site and a lot of you, I am slowly but surely defining my role (going to have that talk with him, too) in this relationship. He finally understood my take on the whole BM issue. He's said that since he's paying CS, he won't have the kids over for more than a weekend. Sad, but I understand, too. My next big thing is to learn where to zip it when it comes to planning activities with the kids.
I suggested that we look for some fun board games that we would keep here. Nothing too new, he said, otherwise it'd take forever to teach the kids (that's where I steam because I only hear "I'm too lazy to learn, and to bestow new knowledge unto my children"). I also started thinking up ideas about day excursions...a trip to a historic city about an hour's drive from here...a family fun park...but I watched him, and I have the feeling that the more I said and/or suggested, the less enthusiastic he got about things.
A question to all: Have you also experienced such non-verbal (or verbal, even) feedback? If so, did it become a topic of discussion? What was the "solution"?
I guess what I'm really asking is, have I, as the childless partner, overstepped my boundaries?
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I dont think so. I think it
I dont think so. I think it really good that your so excited and so enthusiastic about doing something with them.
It is hard to know where to draw the line and I find being a stepmum is sometimes harder than being a mum.
Little update: it's now
Little update: it's now Thursday morning, and we have no games. He saw me looking at some on Amazon, so he felt the need to pipe in: It's Thursday, they'll be here on Friday. While it is a good idea to have games here when we look at the big picture, the kids will be here THIS weekend! It's a little too late for that.
My grumpy response: WHY do you think I said we should look right away?! That was a WEEK ago!
(Just for the record, I'm not planning HIS money on games I'd like us to play with the kids. My choice, my cash and vice versa.)
Him: Oh, yeah...
Please pray for me for strength not to bash his guitar and his amplifier so he has time to think of other things, including children he sees only a few days a month...
Walmart has lots of games,
Walmart has lots of games, you can pick up right there, without waiting for shipping! I don't know if there was a reason you wanted Amazon, gift certificate or something?
Oh sorry I just realized you are in Europe! but how old are the kids, do you need any game ideas?
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
Hi Most Evil, The kids are
Hi Most Evil,
The kids are going on 10 and 12 and I've actually found some that I hope will be interesting for them. I love the classic stuff (Monopoly, Life, etc.) but I'm also thinking of what may prove useful/educational. I push this point with him because, sorry, but between the three of us adults in our situation, I am the smartest though I come from the poorest background, so education means very much to me. I know good grades count for them (bf & BM), but I was a kid, too...and the only things I really learned then are the ones that were fun and interesting. Gawd, too many ideas...posting new blog just to vent...
Oh, ok, I will check out
Oh, ok, I will check out your other post too. I was just gonna say, I think Pictionary is a lot of fun, but not sure if it is too old/hard for that age?
We used to always play Spoons too, with cards, where you put spoons in the middle of the table or floor but one less than the number of people you have playing - then when anyone gets four of a kind, everyone tries to grab a spoon at the same time - that sounds corny but it is really fun, and easy! and crazy 8s. I think it is important to learn how to play cards!
p.s. I love your other ideas, especially the historic town!
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
ya...im pretty much in
ya...im pretty much in charge of any planned family activities. dh goes to school and works too, but he wanted to stay home during the day with ss - which is awesome. he is really good about getting everyone to do spontaneous, spur of the moment things like playing board games, riding bikes together, or playing outside..stuff like that. im better at planning... going to the museum, the zoo, art studios... i think its just a personality thing really. sometimes if he knows i put a lot of work into planning something but he doesnt really want to do it, he wont say anything even though i can tell he'd rather not do it. your dh just might not want to hurt your feelings even though he isnt really psyched about whatever the activity is ya know?
"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."
He BETTER get
He BETTER get excited...they're HIS kids. We live together, and he forgets me, my name, everything, while he plays his guitar. It only bothers me when it interferes with what little parenting even I am allowed to expect him to perform. He wants them over, he better engage. I'm not a live-in babysitter trading services for sex and rent, and I won't live with a Disneyland-Dad. So, it's in HIS best interest to get excited about games that he may not know or even like. If they afford him quality time with the kids, then that's what he has to do. I mean, geez, it's a fucking weekend, and he was bitching about someone else's boyfriend sleeping while that guy had his kid over. We "planned" a family activity together for time they'd be spending here last time, and he ditched that activity, AND ME, on that. Then he had the audacity to whine about the stress and the costs.
If the unwritten agreement is for me to be 50% of this partnership, then I expect him to be 100% dad to his children while they are here with us.
I decided against the vent
I decided against the vent post...those are things I really need to discuss with him, even if it means blowing up in his face. I'm a happy person, and fairly reasonable, so I'm not usually angry without cause. Hypocrisy in parenting (comparing oneself to other BadBio, then pulling the same shit with different packaging) seriously burns me.
Anyway, back to topic: I'll try that game! I totally forgot about Crazy 8 LOL, but you just made me remember Speed. You're right about cards! It's very important! And cheap...lol
Re the historic town visit: there are many political discussions around the issue of integration of immigrants and their families. Many German kids get forgotten because it's just assumed they'll learn these things. I thought Americans had problems with regionalism; this country is 2/3 smaller and it feels like their problems are 2/3 bigger!