Hello everyone I am new the site, and so very glad that I discovered it last night. I have been going through it for a while now so this may be long, but please bear with me.

Ok I have been with my husband for 9yrs and married for 7. When I met him and he told me he had a child my initial reaction was to run, but he assured me that he had no drama (Bull%@!*). My SD was 5yrs old at the time, and my husband used to get her EVERY weekend. BM calls all hours of the night (which he says she has never done before I came into the picture)to say silly things like, "She's crying for her daddy." and "she had a bad dream and wants to talk to you." Let me tell you, this child has some sort of relation to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde! I've never met a more rude, sneaky, and disrespectful child, but here's the thing....she only does it when DH or MIL are not around. When I tell DH and he talks to her she says her mother tells her to say certain things, so I try not to pay her any attention, because that would only give BM what she wants. Fast forward a few months into the relationship, DH proposed to me....joyous occasion right? Well only temporarily. the next morning SD comes into the room, stands in front of me and DH and says, "Dad my mother is your wife, and she is just your girlfriend."....wtf? DH laughs it off, and tells SD that her mother is just that...her mother. Well come to find out when he decided I was the one he started the divorce process with BM who he'd been separated from since SD's birth, but never filed for divorce. Long story short we get married a year later and welcome our BS.

Mother's Day rolls around...yay my first mother's day. I'm so excited to see what he has planned for me. My first gift was a photo package. He paid a photographer because he knew I wanted a family photo to send to my relatives I rarely get to see. It's scheduled for Mother's day afternoon, which I'm very happy about because then SD will be home with BM....not that day. He forces me let in her the pictures which she completely ruins by frowning in all the pictures. I was pissed!!! I really dislike this child, sorry but it's true. I don't trust her around BS because I've seen her do sneaky things like hit him, and hide his baby toys then watch him cry. No way do I want her MY pictures, and more importantly...she doesn't want to be in the pictures.

Fast froward though a few more years of DH putting food in BM home for all 5 of her children (that are not his) whenever she calls. Buying all of SD clothes (which BM share with other children), shoes, school supplies, Christmas presents (BM hasn't gotten Christmas gifts since I've known her), and everything else. Not to mention SD has been in 11 different elementary schools, and lived in more hotels and different homes than I can count! Things never got better between SD and I. She was raised to not like or respect me, and my husband has always turned a blind eye to it because he didn't want BM to take him to child support. During this time BM decides she wants to threaten me over the phone because I din't speak to her when we came to pick up SD, which leads to MIL becoming the middle man and volunteering to pick up and drop off SD. I personally don't understand why you'd want to speak to someone you clearly do not like, but whatever.

DH calls BM in August when SD is 11 for the usual....school supply information. Well BM says "Oh I was going ask you and your wife if she come stay with y'all and go to middle school over there."....F*ck NO was what I wanted to scream, but the fact of the matter is, it would have happened whether I agreed or not, because he would do anything for SD, and my feelings get pushed to the side. Anywho, DH has one week to get SD enrolled in school, switch guardianship, and get her settled into our BD1 (who we had in the mist of the years I skipped)room. A week after SD moves in DH gets a letter from child support. So not only does SD live with us, we also have $500 a month going to the state because BM received welfare for SD her whole life so DH has to pay the state for them supporting his child when he was doing so all along! Not to mention SD has a attitude that is out of this world. I'm going to honest with you all I've tried so hard over the years to like this child, but it has yet to happen. She reminds me of her mother so much, and I can't deal with it. We avoid each other around the house which is uncomfortable, but it was the only thing that "worked". BM abandonment came at such a bad time. We got her when she was hitting puberty. The time a girl needs her mom the most, and because we have never bonded, and she's actually afraid to be close to me because she feels like she's double crossing her mother, the advise I do give her goes in one ear and out of the other.

Since living with us I've found soiled pajamas in the back of the closet that SD decided not clean. I didn't find it until I kept complaining of a foul order over the phone for weeks to my sister, and my niece who comes to play with SD sometimes (but decided she didn't want to anymore)told her mom that SD s*%t in a pair of pants and hid the pants. I've found bloody pads, bloody underwear, nasty worn underwear, soda cans, trash, and even molded food in shoe boxes all in my baby girls room. SD just doesn't care or have any respect for our home. There is so much more but I'll spare you guys.

Now SD is 14 and recently BM has moved off of a friends couch and into an apartment. Well SD moves back with BM. First off, BM is taking SD out of the school she bust her behind to get into with good grades and placing her a school near their new home which does not offer the things her current school does, and I've seen pictures of SD since the move and she's wearing mini skirts, makeup, 5in pumps, and huge earrings (BM dresses like that as well even though she's well over 200lbs)It's been 3wks now, and BM has called complaining about SD bad behavior 5 times already, and of course DH jumps and runs to the rescue. My thoughts are...she is your child, deal with it! BM raised her to be disrespectful towards other adults (not only me). She thought it was so cute and funny, and now that she's doing those very things to her she cries for help, and I don't think DH should answer. She caused so much trouble in our marriage over the years, and I just feel like she needs to deal with the monster she created. I have sat back and absorbed the punches from the both of them over the years, and I just want my break already...damn! DH says my concerns should be about SD, but I'm over the both of them. Although I would never say that to SD, and I do for her just as I do for our BC (because I believe in Karma).

I am currently expecting our 3rd BC, and I really need him to take SD's bed down to the basement (SD rarely answers DH phone calls since the move and doesn't come to visit on the weekends like DH thought she would.) so we can prepare for our new baby (I'm 33wks) but DH doesn't want to touch her bed because he wants her to feel like she is always welcome....well we have no more rooms, and I don't feel like SD should get first priority over a child that actually lives in the home. I get so upset with DH when BM does stupid irresponsible s**t for marrying and giving her yet another child to care for when she was doing such a horrible job at taking care of the 4 she already had (when he met her the state had custody of her 4 kids), but on the other hand I tend to feel sorry for him because he knows this and he has gone above and beyond to make sure that SD has everything she needs despite the issues her parents have. He loves SD so much, but SD honestly doesn't care. She just wants to be with her BM. It tears him apart that she doesn't call or answer his calls now that her BM is back in the picture, but I'm sure she'll regret it because BM has yet to keep a home for a entire year...smh!

You probably wouldn't believe this but life is so peaceful when SD is not around and BM is not calling, but the fact remains that just because they are out of sight doesn't mean that they aren't apart of our lives....**sigh**...it sucks! Am I wrong for feeling this way? For just wishing and hoping for the day that they move on and leave us to live a drama free life? Yes I know BM is unstable, and a bad influence on SD, but she wants her BM and that will never change. I feel bad that some day SD is going to realize that BM doesn't want to be a mom ALL the time. She likes to chase men and party, and SD is in the way because the other 4 kids have moved on with their lives and live with other people, but yet and still I only wish for continuous peace in our lives. We're very excited to welcome our new little family member soon, and I'd like to enjoy the occasion.

So give it to me straight how wrong am I for feeling the way that I do?? Lol!

Sorry this was so long, but GOD does it feel so good....thank you all for letting me share. Enjoy your day