Welp...Our whole week was awesome. The girls and I did SO many things. We played hard, swam, went on a boat - had tea parties, we made things...we had a blast. I even took the week off work. So Saturday they were going back to their house...or where ever it is that BM lives now and we wanted to take them school shopping. Well...low and behold SD9 had to RUIN everything. Of course...what else would I expect? The girls are 2 years apart but pretty close in size - so I asked SD9 to try on a medium shirt just to see how much difference there was in size and if it was too big we were just going to buy a ton of smalls they could swap - because they do that alot. Welp...she GEEKED out - in the middle of the store - this child can turn her tears on and off like turning on a microwave or something - she's making this awful face with tears streaming down her face YELLING "I DON'T WANT TO! I always TRY them on with my MOOOOMMMMMMM and they are TOOOOO BIIGGGG WWHHHHAAAAAA!" It was INSANE! I was SO embarrassed and beyond pissed - I looked at her and said welp - then your sister and I will shop - DH chimes in "No - that's ridiculous if one can't shop the other can't!" I said well sd7 isn't throwing a tantrum over something insane! Why should I reward that behavior???? I told him to take her outside and calm her down and NOT to bring her near me until she was ready to behave. Well - so sd7 and I continued and were in the dressing room and sd9 knocked on the door - and came in and said she was sorry. Of course, the mediums fit her but so did the smalls so we went with the smalls because they could BOTH wear the smalls - well - sd9 proceeded to tell me "I told you so! I told you!" I told her to STOP and we were going with the smalls because they fit them BOTH YES they mediums did fit her and I wasn't dealing with her smartmouthing anymore....well so then we took them to get their haircuts for back to school - Now BM thinks she is a beautician and likes to CUT and DYE her children's hair - the back of sd9's was all cut off and uneven and insane and she had a ton on breakage in her long bangs from where her mother decided to BLEACH them. So sd7 ended up with a bob to even out her disaster and then sd9 ended up with a long angle bob with her bleached out bangs we had cut - even the actual hair dressor was appalled at what she was fixing - well over and done with and she looked REALLY cute - like a little girl. So we are on our way out of the salon and she decides she is going to plaster her bangs to the side of her head - and I said no no keep them in front where they go - you don't understand how cute they are - she then throws ANOTHER fit! And WON'T STOP! So we are in the middle of a store picking up some more things and I'm talking to a clerk and I hear her going crazy over her bangs! I couln't take it anymore and I SNAPPED! I shouldn't have but it was INSANE! And DH wasn't doing ANYTHING about it! So I looked right at her - totally forgetting about the sales clerk and I said "sd9 that is IT! We are DONE with this tantrum! And I am DONE with your selfishness, rudeness, and NEVER appreciating anything I do for you!!! DONE! Do NOT speak another word! I am Mad at you!" She then began to CRY AGAIN! WAILING!...Dh - what does he say, "Real mature Unbelieveable! Real Mature! Maybe if you stopped talking to her like she's your brother and start talking to her like she's a child she will stop this!" now, I realize I should not have handled it this way. I know! I know! I just couldn't help it! This child was treating me like DIRT all day! And was acting like I HAD to do this for them! Like IT's MY responsibility! So then - we take them home...I shut down. Couldn't speak. Like nothing would come out and I blacked out in the car. A major panic attack I was SO upset! While she's sitting in the back "daddy this and daddy that with a BIG smile on her face!" They get out of the car and 10 minutes later DH decides he is going to yell at ME for talking DOWN to HIS child! I then made it clear to him that SHE was doing that to me ALL day - while he is was outside the dressing rooms, while he was at the ATM pulling money for haircuts, etc. ALLLLLDDAAYYYY! Anytime he'd walk away! After sd9 got out of the car - sd7 kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you unbelievable and thank you" and she got out - and we started to drive away and it was like I couldn't feel anythig but the tears started rolling down my cheek. DH started yapping What? you aren't going to talk to me now? he said I am mad that you talked to her like that and blah blah so I told him about all of the things she said to me and how she wouldn't stop and how dare he tell ME that I talked DOWN to her? When his own mother constantly swears around them and at them - just the other say she told one of them to STOP BITCHING? And yells the F word constantly around them - but that's okay right? I'm just DONE with her now...I can't do this anymore with that kid. At one time I Strongly believed God put me with those kids to make sure they turned out okay and in no way turned out like BM...now I have NO idea what it is I am supposed to be doing...I just want to cry. I'm so over this - and DH KNOWS how bad I am hurting - at one point I told him I'm NOT a mom - and I'm not cut out for this...after five years - I just can't do this with sd9 anymore. She respects her teacher - WHY NOT ME? I've done EVERYTHING for her.