It's amazing how a person can convince themselves they are a good mother. I guess it just goes to show you the power of justification. A person can convince themselves of absolutely whatever they need to. A woman can behave in a completely irresponsible way, and still believe they are noble, blameless, and in a position to judge others. It’s sickening. Being a stepmom is far harder than being a single mom. What am I basing that statement on? The single mom’s that I know in real life. These women have fun whenever they want, and the emotional rewards of being a parent, when they conveniently chose to. A stepmom doesn’t have the choice. You do the work that is required with very little recognition, and in some cases never getting a break from the situation. Society expects a single mother to need a break from time to time. Society deems a stepmother evil for having the very same needs and wants of a biological mother. A stepmother is not permitted to express frustration, or anything negative without her motives and character being called into question. IMO being a stepmom is harder, because we are held to a higher standard. Neither role is easy I'm sure.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

Good Question....Hmmmm!
Since I have been a single mom to my bs who is now 20, and I now have a bs almost 4, and a ss10, I would have to say they both have their pros and cons.

Being a single mom, I had no partner to be there for me or to understand what it was like trying to work, and basically deal w/"life". I was mom, and dad. And until my son was about 16, never really had a social life. It was not all about getting a break and partying it up, who was going to watch my son? And when would I 'party' when I had to be at work and take care of home? I still dealt w/the usual underappreciation f/my son, the normal teenage stuff. I almost felt like I had to try harder, to make up for not having a 'better half'. All my son had was me, and he was my responsibility first, and he had to come first, there was no one else to blame when things got crazy or he had issues, HE was raised by me. Was it fair, well hell no, but he is mine and you do what you have to do.

On the other hand, being a stepmom is no picnic and my BM is crazzzy! :evil: But I do have an absolutely great DH, we talk about things going on and try together to work it out, we are trying to be in it for the kids and not get caught up in BM's drama. Yes, it's trying and we both have our temper tantrums, but I thank God everyday that I don't have to try to deal by myself. I absolutely adore my ss10 and he loves his little brother, I wish things could be easier on him and us. His mom has major issues, on the verge of mental, but I just keep thinking if I try to do what is right for ss10 and bs4---which takes a lot of patience-- that maybe they will both appreciate it in the long run, when they are old enough to understand.

Kids are smart, they realize eventually, who did what for them and who was really there. My son did, I wasn't the perfect mom and made all kinds of mistakes, but I was there for him and his still knows he's my "baby". My big 20yr old baby!

What is harder...being a single mother OR being a stepmother?

------------> It is so much harder being a stepmother...even harder balancing being a SM and a BM at the same time. As a stepmother you're supposed to treat and love the children as your own (per DH) but youre also supposed to know your place and not cross any boundaries (per BM).....hard task trying to do both. And no matter how hard you try, you're either trying too hard or not trying hard enough. It's never good enough...and you never get acknowledgement for everything you do while you're losing yourself along the way. Then try balancing that with Biokids, always trying to keep things fair, dealing with jealousy between all of the kids, dealing with favortism for one child over the other......lets just say, it aint no Brady Bunch.

If you could start all over again and you knew what you did now...- would you be a stepmom? Or would you keep searching?

-----------> No, I would not do it again knowing what I know now. But even with that said, I love BF very much, there is so much about our lives together that does work that I wouldn't leave over a few things that don't.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

I have been both.... I was a single mother raising my daughter (14 now) until her dad just now has started to peep into her life and get involved and I am a SM in a situation with a crazy BM......

Both are hard - and both have their ups and downs. But it depends on how you face those challenges and what you accept or don't accept. I know that i am the best mother i can be in both situations.... and that is the bottom line. I can not make others like what i do or why i do.... but in the end i am happy and satisfied with my decisions and actions. I try to live my life in doing what is right, sacrificing when necessary for my kid, and having as much fun as possible with my family.

The bad times will surely come in both situations.... but living life, smiling and laughing is what it is about. My daughter and I have had some good times together and i don't worry about the rest. Her dad misssed out because he choose to. That decision was his to make and that burden is his to carry.

BM in my situation tries to make life hard for DH and I as she can... but when SD is with us - we live and laugh like there is no tomorrow. We enjoy her stays and I am thinking she enjoys her stays with us... My daughters (SD and BD) and my husband and I do what we can to enjoy family time.... so that when her mom acts a fool - we fall back on those things. She decides to act foolish, hateful, vengeful - and so that burden is on her.

I truly believe that when life hand me a bagful of lemons - I will make lemonade out of it - pass it around - and enjoy drinking it - with a smile on my face.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************