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Question for the Custodial Stepparent

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Sun, 09/11/2016 - 7:44pm

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if your stepchild(ren) didn't live with you??

Comments

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 09/11/2016 - 8:05pm

I wonder what it would be like if my husband did not have a child. I have lived with my husband being the NCP. Personally I find life easier with sd9 living with us. Mainly because BM now lives a few states away and does not interfere. Also we have more time to set expectations for behaviors in our house and help to have a positive impact on my sd. I am sure my opinion may change over the coming years.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Sun, 09/11/2016 - 8:13pm

SS30 has never lived with me. But I often think about how much better life would be if he did not exist.

And probably DH and BM's lives would have been better if SS had never been born. He was the result of a ONS years after their divorce. DH got snipped 2 weeks after finding out that BM was knocked up as he was so disgusted. BM went through major depression over her life being ruined because of SS's arrival.

SS30 was a horrible person who had his first in patient psychiatric stay before he started first grade. He's been an alcoholic since age 12 or 13 - and is proud of it. He has a history of violence towards women and the elderly and has been to jail for his transgressions.

He is a total waste of space.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 7:44am

Wait a minute. So all 3 of your husband's children have mental health issues???? Sorry, but that sounds like a genetic issue.

If it isn't genetic, how can you blame SD for you making the choice not to remove your children from a home that was detrimental to their mental, physical and emotional health?

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 7:53am

disney, it sounds like the girl has mental health issues and then traumatized and/or mind-f*cked the two younger boys - that's how i read it, at any rate...

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 4:15am

A dream come true.......

I would not have moved out of the house, everything would've been clean and tidy......

ah woman you just got me all dreamy eye at the office...... but soon I wil have this... soon....

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 7:23am

^^^THIS.

although i do have to say, i'd still prefer custodial over non. more stability for them AND me both. but, well, ya'll know kaos...

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 7:49am

I know what it was like to have my husband be the NCP - and it was AWESOME!

At the time, DH had every other weekend and one full week each month in the summer months, along with alternating holidays. My boys, who are now 21, were every other week with me and Asshat. The timing was spectacular - the week that my boys were with Asshat was the weekend that my DH had his kids. So, on those weeks, we were all by ourselves from Monday to Friday and DH would travel to MedusaTown on Friday afternoons, where he would stay until Sunday night (we had a condo in MedusaTown). Most weekends, I would head to MedusaTown on Friday nights after work, unless Thing1 had a football game. On those weekends, I would head up after the game or Saturday morning or sometimes not at all.

The following week, my boys were back with us. After DH got full custody, the skids were with us 24/7 and my boys went back and forth.

I miss those days. It was so lovely having adult time every other week }:) }:)

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 9:05am

This is what I would expect to hear from a CP in a step situation.

A lot of the chaos in my stepfamily comes from BM's incessant BS, not from the Skids themselves. If she wasn't so omnipresent, I think life with the skids would be more manageable in our household. Not pleasant, but manageable.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 9:15am

Yep - having the skids full time is certainly more manageable, but that's only because Medusa doesn't have anything to do with them.

I guess, from that perspective, it's easier than when she was in the picture, being her usual c&nty and bitchy self.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 9:14am

I think it would be much worse. BM makes enough trouble having SS on the weekends. Sunday nights are already an adjustment for him with a real dinner together, regular night routine and bedtime. I can't imagine how horrible it would be if it were only every other weekend. I already know he would hate me and DH would probably be a Disney dad because he would only get EOWE like BM wanted to stick him with. SS is still young but after over four years of living with us we've all meshed pretty well...for now. I'm sure they'll be teenage years where things go haywire and I fully expect him to run off into the BM sunset atleast once before 18. I've never dealt with a teen that could run from punishment from one parent household to the other but I can imagine that it's going to be a lot harder than normal nuclear parenting. At least with these years with us we can try to curb that for a little bit longer.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 10:30am

I would rather have SS at my home, safe, fed, showered and his whereabouts known than I would have him with his mother who leaves him home alone at night to go to the bar.

Hell I would rather have any old kid off the street in my home than being left like that. It's difficult especially when on the rare occasion she comes to pick him up he comes back saying he's "afraid of me". He's not afraid of me-he knows I don't tolerate nonsense and I am his primary caregiver. He respects me. Big difference. That's the only time it's hard for me at least. I'm lucky in the sense that there is no rift or division between SS not being my child, my SO taught him to respect adults.

cpguru21's picture

Submitted by cpguru21 on Tue, 09/13/2016 - 10:56am

I agree with this. Fully. Some of these posts though it seems like there is a lack of support from SO. Thankfully it sounds like you had support. In my scenario, I was the support.

cpguru21's picture

Submitted by cpguru21 on Wed, 09/14/2016 - 10:24am

:jawdrop:

I dont think I said that anywhere in that post. My SK are grown and out of the house (well finally out of my house) they are all over 24+. I no longer FEEL obligated to help them financially, however I will always think of them as my kids. I basically raised them for 17 years. Going to my SGrandsons birthday party this weekend at my SS house.

FieryEscape's picture

Submitted by FieryEscape on Mon, 09/12/2016 - 7:49pm

It would be wonderful being the NCP lol. This is my 2nd relationship with a man with kids ( I know, didn't I learn my lesson ). First time I dreaded every other weekend ....now I can't wait for every other weekend.

Overall it really isn't so terrible being the CP and we both work out of the house. My SO isn't a Disney dad and he actually listens to me when I voice my concerns. Summer was brutal ...none stop grazing and hearing "I'm bored " 5 millions times....yay for the school year. The skids aren't bad at all.

I miss having a kid free home..being able to walk around in my undies and do whatever I wanted. Miss not having to hide food lol. Miss not getting pissy at crumbs and things being left out.