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Feeling Anxious

triplea2006's picture

Submitted by triplea2006 on Sat, 06/20/2015 - 10:55am

I've taken a break from steptalk because my life has got so busy lately. I have been homeschooling my niece and trying to get her caught up on first grade material and it literally wears me out. During the week I have my son and my niece and everything goes beautifully for the most part. My niece listens to me well and I feel like she is more of a daughter because I had a huge hand in raising her.

My problem? It is that I am fine with watching my niece and my son and do not have a problem doing this Monday thru Friday but for some reason as our summer visitation approaches with the skids I am feeling anxious, sick, and on the verge of a mental break down. The skids do not listen to me like my niece and son do. The skids have never seen me go off on the deep end like my two (I count my niece as one of mine because I am also a parent figure in her life) have and I was wondering if anyone could give me some pointers. I am not a meek quiet individual that doesn't know how to stand up to a child but I have preferred to let my dh handle it because I was trying to get him out of Disney mode. Also I tend to go from 0-60 in no time at all. I want them to respect me but I don't want to just unleash my wrath (but don't know how not to).

Any pointers on surviving a month with brats that are not your's and you have not yet put the fear of God in them so that the respect you (my niece knows that not doing what I say has consequences and that I mean what I say). I do not spank any child because my niece and skids are not really mine nor would I but I am not going to sit back and wait for their dad to get home to discipline. I believe that if a punishment is not dealt out at the time of the behavior then the punishment loses its value.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 06/20/2015 - 11:18am

Yep.

And your DH needs to teach them to respect adults, period.

I did not have to put the fear of God into my SD, my DH had already done that. She knew better than to mouth off or misbehave. Even so, I had no problem speaking up in my own home if I felt it necessary.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sat, 06/20/2015 - 12:04pm

I sometimes find myself more angry than is necessarily warranted or useful when my SD misbehaves. I find time out is good not only for her to calm down a little but also for me. When her time is up I try to go and talk to her calmly (if she isn't ready to listen she gets more time) and talk through with her why she is there and explain what she was doing wrong and get an apology or an agreement to cooperate before letting her come out of time out in her own time. It doesn't always work out like this, sometimes my frustration gets the better of me. I also find it difficult to let go of resentment after the time out I am still upset and annoyed at what she did while she just gets on happily with her day. I just keep reminding myself that I am learning and developing as a parental figure and that things are going ok, I will never be perfect. I think that you have to go through that period of putting them in time out 3 times a day for a few days for them to realize that you mean business and that they can't mess with you. It is all testing boundaries. Once your through with that period then hopefully their behavior will improve and you can all have a much nicer time. So set some rules and consequences with your husband. Explain them to all of the kids together. Then feel free to enforce them when you are looking after the kids.