Trying to heed everyone's advice.....
This site is such a good outlet and I've gotten some great advice just reading all the feedback. My SO commented that his paycheck was a little less than he expected and lamented about cs coming out - not a complaint, it is what it is. That made me think - his oldest will be 18 in Dec. She is still staying at a friends - won't go back to her mom's and doesn't want to come to our house (thankfully - cause no room or patience for her anyway). I have a gut feeling she probably won't graduate HS this June and go on to college - she's really screwing things up. Says she has a plan for when she turns 18. I know CS continues to age 21 in New York unless the kid is emancipated somehow (self-supporting, married, etc). I told him to read his court order to see what it says cause if she does go out on her own, he shouldn't have to continue paying cs for her to the BM. Correct? I think he got a little defensive about it ("I'm not turning my back on my kid, etc). It isn't what I meant and I certainly don't need his money - I make more than he does. I just want him to protect his own interests.....why should he give money to the BM if its not going to benefit his kid anyway? I thought about all the comments I read here daily and I just let it drop!
- Tiger7's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
"I think he got a little
"I think he got a little defensive about it ("I'm not turning my back on my kid, etc). "
Then maybe he should be giving the support money to his DAUGHTER not BM. (if that is acceptable by the court).
Its not - it comes right out
Its not - it comes right out of his paycheck to the child support enforcement agency and they send it to the BM. I did suggest to him that if support was to stop for the oldest, he could then give money to her since it won't go the BM anymore. The BM will have a COW if any of that money stops - she swears she's not getting it anyway (that's what she tells her daughters). If she isn't getting any or all of what is being taken out of his check (and I've seen the deduction - its a good amount), then that means she owes the state and they're just taking their portion. She's on social services, so that's probably the case.
In our state you can see
In our state you can see online if part of it is going to social services. But our state also does not take it for foodstamps, at least they never did for BM. When I got laid off OSD said, "You should get food stamps, my mom gets $700/month." I about fell over. That was for four people and half the time they didn't have food. I could feed twice as many people on that amount.
I think the BM does get food
I think the BM does get food stamps and she definitely gets Section 8, which is help with part of the rent. When SO went to court for custody modification, his lawyer saw her name on an eviction notice. She must have gotten it caught up tho cause she's still in the same place. I'm just sitting back and waiting to see how this all plays out with the 17 yr old. Her attitude is so rotten and she thinks she knows everything - won't take advice or help from those who do love her. SMH
In NYS, if she is NOT living
In NYS, if she is NOT living with BM, and refusing to see dad, then he can stop CS. I understand that your DH doesn't want to "turn his back" but to be honest, that is exactly what he is doing, if he is sending CS to BM when SD is not even living there. My guess is that BM is NOT in turn sending that money to SD?? :?
When SD20, moved out of our house at 16 and moved in with DH's Aunt. DH sent CS to his Aunt. Why in the world would he continue to give BM money for a kid that she isn't financially responsible for?? Of course my DH never had his CS come out of his check, he always paid it without the state being involved, so it was easy for him to make that change.
A friend of ours son turned 21 3 months ago and he is having a hell of a time getting them to STOP taking CS out of his check. It's so ridiculous!
You're right that BM isn't
You're right that BM isn't sending any money to her daughter. She tries her best to get money out of them all the time. The 15 yr got a little $150 paycheck and she tried her best to get at it. SO got the check cashed for her and gave her some spending money - kept the rest at our house for safe keeping. It just so happens, her school sent a notice home that a local credit union rep would be at the school this past Wed so kids could open their own savings accts. Perfect timing. We both went to the school and he helped her get that done (his name is on it with hers as the parent)and put the bulk of her paycheck in it. The BM knew he was going to do it and EARLY that morning sent about a dozen or more texts telling him that the daughter was very upset that he was forcing her to open this account and he should really talk to her. Well he did - she was fine with the account; she was just scared of her BM's reaction. They both agreed that with every paycheck that she gets once a month, she would keep 15% of it for spending and put 85% of it in the savings acct. Sorry for going off on a tangent....just saying its typical for the BM to try to get money from any source, even her own kids so whenever any of the child support stops, she'll probably lose her mind. Btw - she doesn't work - she just lives off the system.
Termination In New York,
Termination
In New York, child support usually ends when the child turns 21. Support may end when the child turns 18 if the paying parent files in court and shows the child is emancipated or financially independent. If the child enters the military, marries or has a permanent, full-time job, the court may consider the child financially independent. If the child leaves the custodial parent's home without permission to avoid parental control, the court may consider the child emancipated. However, if the paying parent approved the child's move or the child moved for a good reason, as determined by the court, the child support obligation will remain in force. If the parents had a legal agreement, such as a marital settlement, that terminated support before the age of 21, the paying parent may be able to stop child support prior to the child turning 21 per the agreement.
The soon to be 18 yr old got
The soon to be 18 yr old got into a fight with her mom - she says the mom kicked her out and the BM says the kid left. She's staying with a friend's family and refuses to go back home. Its only been about a month tho. The BM told my SO that the parents of the girl's boyfriend was planning on getting them their own place - don't know when or how. My SO is pissed at the thought of that but knows he can't force her to do anything. Unfortunately, like I said, the state takes the money right out of his pay so he has no control. But if it turns out this kid doesn't go back to her mom's house, then when she turns 18 I will press him to go back to court to get that support terminated for her. Then if he chooses to give her money directly, that will his call. Personally I wouldn't want him to cause she's so disrespectful to him. The BM definitely doesn't deserve to get that money if she's not even living there.
Gah! These men and their egos
Gah! These men and their egos can be so aggravating! So many of them are afraid of BM or don't want to be perceived as deadbeats. What is so difficult about Help Your Daughter, Not BM??
I can't figure that one out.
I can't figure that one out. He doesn't get along with BM AT ALL so I don't know why he wouldn't want to cut off cs to her if he legally could. Blows my mind