Bated breath
My SO's 17 yr old is still in the adolescent psych ward. He went to see her last week and she's finally speaking to him again. (As I figured since her birthday and xmas are coming up). I have not gone - I was out of town over Thanksgiving. I'm sure he'll ask me soon to go see her - not sure yet what I'll do. Here's the kicker - he said BM told him that whenever she's released, she has to come live with him cause she's done. Now - I totally understand how frustrated she is with the kid. However, she is NOT living in my house and he knows how I feel cause he followed up with he knows we don't have the room so he would need to get a place of his own. We discussed this quite some time ago and I told him I would be supportive if that's what he needs to do. Here's the kicker - he said she may have to stay with us "temporarily" until he could get a place. We didn't discuss further but my answer is still NO - not even temporarily. So, I wait with bated breath until we have that discussion. She is toxic and I don't trust her. I have no intention of living even one day with the stress of having that kid in my home unsupervised while we're at work. Its very possible this kid will be the death knell to our relationship. I love this man so much but I will give him up before I let her in my home to live. She turns 18 in Dec and the dr had SO sign a form to keep her in the ward anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 mos after she turns 18 (because she's still a student in high school, she can stay - she gets work from her school). Her sister turns 16 in Dec and we're having family over to celebrate. This morning, he mentions that the older one's birthday is 4 days after and he wants to get her a present. Again, I said nothing. This is her MO. She becomes nice when she wants stuff from him. He knows it too because he told the doctor its what she does. But, that's his daughter...so be it. I'm sure I would do for my kid too. I just don't believe in rewarding bad behavior. Sorry - I know I'm rambling. Part of me feels bad cause I know she needs real help - real therapy - and I want to be sympathetic but I just don't want to deal with any more toxic people in my life. I've had enough
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What do you think will happen
What do you think will happen if she moved in with you?
I think she'll sit her fat
I think she'll sit her fat lazy butt around, eating us out of house and home; I think she have boys and friends come over when we're not home, and I think she'll let her equally crazy mother in my house. Plus, I believe she will steal things. Both of my future SIL and one nephew have all told me that she's stolen from them. Allegedly, one of her mom's sisters also told the same story to my future SIL. I don't think she'll follow the rules and I know she'll smoke pot in my house. So if any or all of that happened, I would lay into her and if my SO didn't do enough to combat that behavior, I would end up telling them both to get the hell out of my house. As I've gotten older, my patience is thinner and I no longer put up with unacceptable behavior in my home.
this is easy - find out when
this is easy - find out when she will be released and tell Dh he better start looking for a place for them, do not wait till he talks about it, keep reminding him..... if she's released tomorrow and DH still living with you, she will be moving in and it might take a month or 2 before they move out, as soon as she moved in DH will not even look for a place, cause he will think you accepted it and he will simply go ahead like normal..
Thus keep on reminding him, she's not welcome and start looking for places near by and give it to him to go and look at..
on the other hand - BM has custody, she raised this monster, DH should simply tell her, you raised this monster it's your problem, I'm willing to pay ex amount towards accommodation in a youth center but she's not moving in with us.
He needs to find a place
He needs to find a place asap.
I understand it could be six months before she's released but it could also be next week!
He and you need to be prepared. Unless you have unlimited funds it takes time to set up an apartment. Is he going to be taking any furniture/dishes/linens/etc from the house you two share?
What about his daughters stuff? That will need to be gotten from BMs.
This girl is going to need some stability when she gets out, not the craziness of setting up a new place.
You're both right. IF he's
You're both right. IF he's going to get his own place, which I highly doubt, he better start looking now. I'll have that discussion with him right away. I also fully believe if she moved in - it wouldn't be temporary and I would just get angrier by the day. BM did create this monster - daughter is just like her. Thanks -its always good to talk these things out. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable. I don't think I am tho - she's not my kid and I'm not willing to take on the problems of an almost 18 year old.