DH Suffers Every Summer and It Hurts ME.
SS11 and SS9 go out of state each summer to see BM.
It's that time of year so they are starting to get rude and snotty - gotta love this custody agreement that DH and BM set up. But alas, this is one of the beautiful joys of step parenting.
At any rate, DH is anxious, just as he is every year. His biggest fear - BM won't bring the children back or rather, she will bring them back but really screws the children up over the summer. Sadly, his fears have come true so it's not like I can say "Oh Sweetheart, its not going to happen."
Last year, SS9 came back, wetting the bed. SS11 had the mouth of a sailor.
Year before that, SS9 would cry and scream (at the age of 6) if you left his eyesight. SS11 was torturing the cat.
And the year before that, both kids were wetting the bed when we got them after the summer.
I don't think there is any sexual abuse going on. I know BM emotionally neglects SS9, but that's all I can prove.
At any rate, tonight I am blogging because I don't know how to help DH in this time. I try to stay positive but he is an individual with A LOT of walls. He throws up barriers emotionally so he doesn't have to deal with the pain but I end up feeling the cold, aloof, jerk that sends me to the gym just to avoid him.
I just want to help him heal, or deal with this better.
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Comments
Can you set them up with
Can you set them up with Skype or other type of Webcam communication throughout the summer so DH can stay in visual contact with them? It might ease his mind (and yours) to be able to see them moreso than simply hearing their voices on a phonecall.
Also, if you are concerned about the state of their mental health when they return to you, can you get therapy set up and ready to go for them when they return? This might help ease DHs mind as well, knowing that they will be well-cared for, emotionally-speaking, as soon as they return.
Since he does put up walls, all you can do is offer a supportive smile and touch. Beyond that, it's a hard situation, and for that, I'm sorry.
We tried Skype last year and
We tried Skype last year and BM said "My computer can't support that." And both boys are in therapy.
We bought a laptop for them to take with them this year. Have you heard of Spikee? It's a little robot that has a cam on it. We will see how that goes. But its not the boys I am worried about at the present moment - it is DH.
HE needs therapy but its not like he would volunteer for it. The last time he went was an ultimatum. I told him I was leaving ... so he went to marriage counseling with me.
Well it sounds like you are
Well it sounds like you are trying everything you can to help him, and the boys, through it.
If Skype doesn't work, then a regular old webcam should suffice- even crappy old computers can support that technology (it sounds like BM is just LOOKING for an excuse to limit the communication time between DH and his boys- possible red flag!!! Keep an eye on that!!
I'm sorry he's so resistant to your suggestions- all you can do is gently keep trying.
Best of luck to you.