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Time to disengage….from the BM.

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Mon, 10/31/2011 - 2:23pm

Time to disengage….from the BM.

I have a relatively good life at home with DH and SD11. We all get on with life quite well. Don’t get me wrong, its been a long, long, long, hard road.

I’ve disengaged somewhat from SD11 in that, I leave the responsibility for parenting her up to DH. He wants it anyway, why fight it. In the beginning, I felt DH indulged her with things, but mostly his time. He spent countless hours entertaining her. Our relationship was definitely not a priority every other week.

More advice for Stacey13 Statistics from the book “Stepmonster”

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 4:38pm

More than half of all adult women in the US will marry a man with children. 70% of those partnerships will fail.

Divorce rates are 50% higher in remarriages with children than in those without.

Some experts recommend delaying marriage to a partner whose child is between the ages of 10 and 16, so great are the risks of conflict for the couple.

Must Read: If a SM gets child a haircut, should she be met with physical violence???

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 10:05am

Even with all that I’ve read on this steptalk board, I realize that I’m very lucky in a lot of ways in my situation. Very lucky. MY SD10’s BM is a bit narcisstic and has never caused me any drama in my relationship with SD. I am free to love and do things for SD10 as much as I want.

I have a friend, I’ll call her Susie. Susie has 50/50 split custody of her two children Girl 6 and Boy 5. Her Ex had her daughter’s ears peirced about 2 months ago without consulting Susie. Probably not a good idea. But it happened.

obligations and responsibility.

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 4:07pm

I made a vow to my husband when I married him. I have an obligation to him to help him to make our marriage work.

I did not make make the same vows to his daughter. I did not marry her.

I am not responsbile for her. Her parents who chose to have her and who chose to bring her into the world are responsible for her.

Anything I do for her is by choice and not by obligation. I refuse to let anyone impose this responsibility on me.

"You can decide where you want to live when you're older"

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Mon, 03/07/2011 - 5:19pm

I consider our step situation to work well...for the most part.

DH and I SD10 on an out of town soccer trip where most of 15 10y/o girls ran rampant through a hotel for the weekend. I hated every minute of it.

So yesterday, SD10 is exhausted from her free-for-all late night soiree's all weekend and doesn't want to go to BM's. She's in full whine mode.

I stay quiet and count the minutes until her departure.

DH remarks to me today that he told SD10 AGAIN yesterday that when she's older, she can decide where she wants to live.

Saving someone who wouldn't save you.

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Sat, 02/19/2011 - 1:36pm

Yesterday I'm at my girlfriend's house. We're talking about blended families, divorce, etc. She askes me: If you and SD10 were drowning, who would DH save? Of course I've heard this question asked by people to eachother in all kinds of situations....but still, without hesitation, I answer..."he would save SD10".

Right or wrong, its the correct answer.

An hour ago I realize that I can sum up my life, or stepmotherhood, or marriage or my relationship, or whatever in one simple statement.

Its living with someone who you would save, but who wouldn't save you.

Learn to Disengage successfully.

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Submitted by TheBrightSide on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 8:53am

I’ve been with DH for 4.5 years. Married 2.5 years. We’ve split 3 times. The longest was for about 4 weeks. Our relationship in the very, very beginning was incredible…then we moved in together after 10 months….and reality struck.

It was hard. It still is sometimes. In 2009, I had two successful IVF attempts, each to be followed by miscarriages (DH had a vasectomy during his first marriage). Hence, no bios for me.

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