As hard as this is, based on what you wrote you are not in a relationship, you are providing free services. No intimacy = no relationship. Moving on is so hard, but I recommend you stop having contact for a while if not for good. This is necessary to get past the withdrawal stage. I know, I've been there. I'd give her the space she needs. Don't offer or agree to babysit or hangout. Focus on your daughter and your friends for now. With time it will get easier.

I'm curious about a few things... If you have been having so many problems with her one son, why would you volunteer to spend more time with the boy(s) and potentially have to deal with more of the same nonsense?

You say that your daughter goes to NA meetings - is this Narcotics Anonymous or something else?

I can sort of understand her not wanting to be in a relationship if you're not going to be around full time for over a year. If she feels like the relationship isn't going anywhere, then sure ok, she wants to end things rather than be (in her mind) strung along.

However! her telling you she wants to end it and not taking the key back is... not okay. Sends a completely mixed message, etc. It can be extremely hard for people to separate and it is very hurtful. Trying to be friends right when a relationship has ended is generally not a good idea. You are going to need some space and time away from her and her boys. You both need to figure out how to have a life without the other person.

She doesn't want to work on things, there's basically no touching allowed, she wants you full time but she doesn't want to fix things. So either you accept what she's showing you - she doesn't want to be with you and you leave your key on her table or counter or whatever if she won't "accept" it back. Or, there's something more going on with all this that you think she's being reasonable and has a valid argument behind her behavior and let her be as wishy-washy as she pleases and string you along as her "well maybe someday" but for now free babysitter.

it would be really hard for me if my DH moved out to get an apartment for his 21 yr old daughter (I understand that was not the entire reason, just a factor, but still). I would feel like I was left for another woman. The fact that there's been no intimacy shows me this, I know I am not intimate with my DH when I am pissed and hurt.

Have you guys talked about that part of it? Maybe, she misses you and feels rejected. How does your GF get along with your daughter?

Also what happened withyour GF and her exh? Did he leave her for another woman? Her feelings may be getting triggered.

This sounds a little complicated. The verbal arguments that you all use to get into may actually stop. The thing is you have to want them to stop and learn what needs a fight and what needs to be let go. If you want a relationship you need to prove it. Basically you are moving backward in your relationship. Im not saying moving out hurt your relationship in fact a little space can make it stronger as long as there is a view of forward not backward and that is what it seems like. I moved out from my husband three years ago and two months later moved back in. while i was living separately we still talked and hung out. Now we have one baby boy one on the way and we hardly ever fight. She sees the end is near or feels she is at the end because are standing still. If you want the relationship to work, fight let her know how you feel. If you dont see your tomorrows without her then the next time you see her grab her face gently and kiss her on the mouth. if its still love you will know. good luck, fiht for your life and what you want.