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I'm not a built in babysitter

Strong83's picture

Submitted by Strong83 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 11:14am

My husband just got a new job after being laid off and his scheduled to work on his days with his kids. Without being asked, he assumes I'm going to watch them all day on my days off. I'm not a built in babysitter just because we are married and I shouldn't have to watch them for hours on end. While he wasn't working, I paid for my son to attend summer camp and daycare so he didn't have to watch him for up to 11 hours while I worked. I don't understand how the courtesy isn't reciprocated. Whenever I bring up the care for his kids or my time, he gets defensive and doesn't seem to get it. I work 60 hours per week and have primary custody of my son, I deserve to have my days off to myself while my son is in school. If he can't afford day care, they can stay with their Mom.

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 11:21am

So it was ok for your child to be in daycare but not his? Can he explain why that is? You DO deserve your time off! I hope you stand your ground!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 11:25am

Your post says it all and that's what you should tell your husband, whether he gets defensive or not.

His work circumstances have changed so his arrangements for his kids needs to change, as well, whether back to BM or daycare or whatever. Not your responsibility.

You did not expect him to watch yours (and he wasn't even working, at all), he should not expect you to watch his.

SMto2's picture

Submitted by SMto2 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 1:15pm

It's very wrong for him to expect you to keep his kids on your days off while he works, especially if your own child has been in daycare rather than him watching him. I agree if your DH's work schedule has changed, his visitation should change. My DH had visitation EOW with the SSs, and he was there with them EVERY minute of visitation for over 10 years. The one and ONLY time I recall "me" watching them by myself was so that he could go to his bachelor party thrown by guys at work. (We just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary, so that tells you how long ago it was! ha ha ha!)

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sun, 09/09/2018 - 7:50am

That's something awesome. I hope you are already planning an extra-special 20th!

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 1:49pm

Your husband is not being reasonable.  If you're working 60 hours a week plus caring for your own child, there is NO WAY he should expect you to watch his kids while he works, unless you've told him you're happy to do it (which clearly you have not).  This is especially true since you did not expect him to watch your child while you worked and he was home.  He needs to either find daycare or change his parenting schedule so that he has the kids when he's available to care for them.  His expectation is just ridiculous, and if he can't understand your need for some time off and why it is not appropriate for him to expect you to watch his kids, then you have bigger problems.

ETA:  If he is not able to change his custody schedule with BM and still refuses to get daycare, is it possible for you to change your work days so that you're not off when his kids are around?  That's kind of a drastic measure, but sometimes they're called for.

Strong83's picture

Submitted by Strong83 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 2:24pm

BM is unreasonable and won't allow him to change the schedule and his next court date isn't until 1/31/19. I've thought about changing my days off, but then I'm sacrificing time with my son because he is with his Dad on the weekends. Also, his visitation was set on my days off at the request of BM and granted by the judge. The whole situation is frustrating.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 2:43pm

This is your husband's problem and after reading your previous post, I strongly suggest you stand your ground. Your husband is going to have to figure something else out or forfeit his visitation. These kids are the responsibility of your husband and his ex. Period. Stop letting them take advantage of you.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 4:57pm

SK should be at there BM’s.  SK are there to visit DH not you.  DH has to figure out something for his kids,  He is the parent not you.

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Mon, 09/10/2018 - 11:56am

Your H is going to have to find other arrangements for his kids and not expect you to be the caretaker. He needs to give you the same consideration you gave him and if he doesn't than that says a whole lot about him. How you feel matters and it sucks but he and the BM are going to have to make arrangements because unfortunately you will not be available.....