Wow, is he serious???
So custody was finally settled in February after 3 years of back and forth to court. He was awarded joint custody and no children support. She's now lost her source of supplemental income and has already requested an appeal. Of course, the judge awarded my days off as his days with the kids so I literally have no time to myself. The kids still have behavioral issues and SD is only getting worse. She is spiteful, lies and is manipulative. SD is mean to my son and play SO like a fiddle with her crying. He's wrapped around her bratty finger and he won't even acknowledge her bad behavior. I'm still the disciplinary and he still dumps them on me when he's not home.
Tonight was the biggest upset. He watched my son today while I worked which I should have known better. I got home after 10 hours at work and a 45 minute commute to a hungry cranky kid. SO swears he just ate, well he's complaining he's hungry so I double checked that he fed him. This caused an uproar and SO became so upset with me. He started accusing that I don't treat the SK the same as my son, that I am mean to them and I'm cold hearted when they cry. I'm sorry, but I don't love them the same I love my son and I never will. He fails to realize that I'm the one that buys groceries so they can eat, I bought a house big enough so they can have their own room, I furnished their room, provide them with clothes, make sure they have Christmas and birthday gifts, take them to all my appointments (and I mean all), arrange play dates, plan activities with all of the kids, give them a bath, do their hair, cook all their meals and even text their mother to invite them to things when we don't have them. I had to register them for daycare and complete all of the paperwork. I registered them with the school district so they can start kindergarten in the fall because neither of their parents did it. We found out SD needs glasses two months ago and her mother still hasn't taken her to the eye doctor. I follow up with SO every week and he doesn't even know what's going on. SS has a learning disability and they both refuse to acknowledge it or get him evaluated. Both kids need speech therapy and neither parent will even consider it.
I'm sorry if I'm not as "emotionally" supportive or as loving as SO imagined I would be, but at least I care about their well-being, health and education. I know their likes and dislikes which is more than I can say for him. SD calls me "mom" followed by my name, but they call their own Dad by his first name. They tell me everyday they love me and he has to ask. How dare he try to say, I don't care for my SKs. It may not be in a Brady Bunch kind of way, but I do.
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Stop, just stop. You are not
Stop, just stop. You are not their kids parents. You can't care more then they do.
I would change my work days, and let them sort out new unpaid baby sitters for their brats.
Make HIM step up and parent his children. The more YOU do the more THEY well expect YOU to do.
Make it very clear that the only reason HE and his brat's have the lifestyle they have is because of you, not him. And if he doesn't like it then HE can find the door.
The only way he will see how good he has it is if you remove it.
You're doing more than enough
You're doing more than enough for this man and his kids. You seem to be doing far more than either bio parent, so I'm not sure where he gets off telling you that you don't care enough.
I agreewith Powerfamily, stop doing everything for his kids. Change your work schedule & put the onus back on the actual parents, right where it belongs. Maybe then he'll learn to appreciate everything you've done for HIS children.
While I understand the others
While I understand the others saying STOP doing for the Skids, but they shouldn't be the one's punished. You do seem to love and care for them, even if it isn't the same as it is with your bio. I wouldn't expect it to be the same. Not the same doesn't mean that you don't love them though and that you aren't there for them. Sometimes as Steps, we are the ONLY one's that do step up for those kids and as long as they aren't little A-holes, I wouldn't stop doing for them just because your H is being an idiot.
Your DH however does need a dose of reality! I am honestly not sure how to do about doing that yet this morning, I will think on it some more and post back later. I have been up since 4 am... I hate DH's new schedule! LOL I need more coffee...
I don't think putting a stop
I don't think putting a stop to all the extras like setting up their school schedules etc is punishing the kids, their parents should be doing this no matter what & the kids shouldn't really even need to know who made sure they were registered for school, just that they'll be attending.
I also don't think she needs to stop being kind or caring for her skids, but she doesn't need to be giving up every single day off to care for them either. I don't see ensuring their parents step up as punishment at all, I think most kids would rather their parents were the ones doing those things anyways.
Plus, the longer she continues to tow the line for her DH, the longer he'll keep his head in the sand about the extent of effort she's actually putting towards her skids. It doesn't need to be a permanent change, but I think it'd be the wake up call this guy desperately needs!
do a little more each day
and each day a little more will be expected.
This seems untenable to me -
This seems untenable to me - you are basically parenting his kids, and paying for them, too! Nope.
I will say, though, wouldn't you be annoyed if he came home and asked if you'd fed the skids? Seriously? Either your son is playing you, or you shouldn't be leaving him with DH if you honestly think he'd underfeed him.
It won’t fix it all but it may help
put your DH in check on his comments. My DH was doing the same thing: expecting me to do it all and not recognizing or acknowledging the “all” and making up some sort of imbalance in his head with a root cause of me not caring for the skids.
Since he assumes he knows what I am saying he doesn’t listen. So I sent him and an email stating that I agree I’m such a horrible person because a horrible person would do these things for the skids, and then I listed (as a line by line list to make it stand out—not just as part of the paragraph) all the things I’ve done for them or that they’ve gotten to do because of me.
I still have the email and I have had to send it a few times, each time it’s longer as time has gone by. It helped him realize that I have done a ton for them. I also “was heard” since he couldn’t tune me out.
You can do more the the parents
The parents ate sutting back and letting you do all the work. Stop that, make him get off his ass and do something. All this is what life is going to be, you doing everything and him and BM playing games.
Your H and BM have it made.
Your H and BM have it made. You seem to do absolutely everything for the step kids, financially, parenting and ensuring they are well cared for. What is your H doing in order to financially support them? Why was he awarded joint custody when you're the one doing ALL the foot work? So he doesn't have to pay CS? I find it hilarious that he accuses you of loving your child more meanwhile he's doing absolutely SH!T to own up to his role as a father....talk about the pot calling the kettle black, he has some nerve!
You have to make it where he has no CHOICE but to parent his kids. You'll run yourself ragged all for a man that doesn't appreciate all your time & efforts.
And what will your 'D'H do if
And what will your 'D'H do if you are no longer able to care for HIS children? What if your job changes? What if you become ill or require major surgery?
These children are NOT YOUR responsibility unless YOU allow it. MAKE your DH step up and be a parent.
Jesus. Does that man do
Jesus. Does that man do anything for his kids? Sounds like you do EVERYTHING. As a step parent you are there as support. They are not your responsibility. You need to take a step back and make DH parent HIS children; he and BM are taking advantage od you, big time.
OP, you are part of the
OP, you are part of the problem. You are over functioning for your H and INTERFERING in his relationship with his kids. This throws your entire household and marriage out of balance.
You need to take a hard look at yourself and figure out why you’re so willing to martyr yourself and continue doing something that ultimately shortchanges all of you. Get back in your lane, focus on being a wife and a mom to your bio, period. Sure, your lazy H will likely push back and try to manipulate you back into making things easy for HIM, but it’s best for all concerned if each of you handle your own baggage.