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stressgirl79's picture

Submitted by stressgirl79 on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 8:43pm

I am so glad I found this site. I thought there was something horribly wrong with me until I spent an hour or so reading everyone's stories. Compared to a lot of people, I have it pretty easy! I guess I just have minor annoyances since our kids are still pretty young (mine 8, 7, and 3 and his 10 and Dirol but sometimes I just want to vent and whine for a little while. I have been living with my boyfriend and his kids for about a year now. My 3yo lives with us full time and I have my other 2 about half the time. My kids are rough, loud, physical kids and his are...not. Obviously this causes some issues - my boys want to play and SS10 just wants to sit around and play video games. SD8 is very sweet, but sometimes to the point that I want to scream.

SS10 has started hitting at his BM's house, and says he does it because my kids hit him all the time, which is not even close to true. When my boyfriend asks him about it, he says he does it because BM and her boyfriend physically fight all the time. The kid is scary smart and is obviously playing us, he has just figured out how to do whatever he wants and blame it on all the parental figures in his world. Uuuugh. Last year he got horrible grades in school and said it was because he was upset about things at home, but when questioned he couldn't come up with a single specific thing that was bothering him. Not one. I am nothing but nice to him, even if I have to grit my teeth while I do it, but he constantly talks back or just ignores me. I really hope he's just being a 10yo boy, because I'm about to just give up with him.

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Nette5's picture

Submitted by Nette5 on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 11:42pm

We are living with the after effects of a mastermind "Triangulator". DH and BM wouldn't speak civilly for years, his stories made each parent upset, and with no one talking to each other, it was very easy for him to sneak around the truth to everyone.

My SS had been sexually molested and his mother knowingly did nothing!! He in turn abused others and was finally outed by our son. SS spent a year in treatment and now shockingly lives with us. His mother has been ordered into counseling and lost her rights to SS(now 14) for now.

SS has learned a TON in treatment and is now starting to understand the things that his mother emotionally did to hurt and stunt him. "Thinking errors" lead to emotionally scarred children who feel they have no where to go for help. Loving one parent hurts the other so they pretend to love everyone and no one at the same time.

We got lucky and SS was able and willing to get help. Now we are moving forward and able to look at a brighter future for our whole family.

stressgirl79's picture

Submitted by stressgirl79 on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 6:19pm

naturalmom425, I know for a fact that BM and her boyfriend are violent. She is a good friend of mine and is always coming over after he hits her with horrible bruises and crying that she is going to leave him for real this time...never happens. It's very hard to watch, especially because she is seven months pregnant, but that is a whole other post.

SS says he hates to be over at her house not only because of this, but because BM's boyfriend has 4 other kids and they live in a 2 bedroom apartment. He is the kind of kid who always wants to be alone playing his games, so I can imagine it's hard for him. But his hitting people who get near him and blaming it on the influence of my kids annoys me.

Nette5, that is a very scary story. I'm trying to stay out of the whole thing, and the only reason I got upset is because SS brought my kids into it. I am very sorry for your troubles and I hope that your SS is getting all the help he must need. No child should have to go through anything like that.