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PAS'ing by BM and SDs

Stepping_off_the_ledge's picture

Submitted by Stepping_off_th... on Thu, 07/28/2016 - 11:59am

For all those who have SDs and BMs PAS'ing, what have you found to work to keep the peace in your own household?
In my situation I have bios and skids. The SSs seem to be immune to the PASing by BM to some degree. We see it slightly but it isn't nearly as awful as the SDs. They will carry out every plan their BM has, defend her, act out in our home purposely, spy, ask intrusive questions to gain information for BM etc. For me it's like we have a house divided. If SDs are not involved or happen to not be here life is actually enjoyable. And it isn't just me, SO has said many time over that he is stuck between not wanting to give up on them and actually enjoying life when they are here.
Just a few examples for background purposes:
-SDs walk into the door and go directly to their bedroom. There they begin a bullyfest of name calling and torment against my BD. I mean immediately so there isn't anything precipitating the event. And I know BM is behind it because they record this on their phones and call/text her constantly.
-Kids (my bios and SSs) are playing a game outside. They are having a good time with zero arguments. SO is involved in this game and having fun. SDs want to play and within minutes the game is a huge argument, kids are annoyed and SO is forced to send them away from the game in order to not ruin it for the others.
-Birthday party. Could be for my bios or one of the skids. Even my own. SDs will go through the gifts before they are even opened, be disruptive and try to take over. And afterwards will go as far as to steal the gifts from the birthday child and either destroy them or hide it in their room. They even do this to each other so it isn't a team type event.
-SDs are defiant, lie, steal food and are disrespectful. Even to SO. Yet they will still act that fake oh daddy I love you that makes you want to vomit.

Don't get me wrong there are times that it isn't horrible but it's few and far between and usually only happens when they have been away from BM without contact for a couple days.

So how do you handle it and keep peace? So far I have disengaged from them. SO handles everything that pertains to their care. But I can't figure out how to get through the days they are here with enjoyment. I want to spend time with SO and the other kids but I have found myself staying away just to avoid 2 awful girls.

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Stepping_off_the_ledge's picture

Submitted by Stepping_off_th... on Thu, 07/28/2016 - 12:20pm

Yes phones have been taken away. With recent events we probably need to collect the electronics for the duration.
I just want to clarify - SO is on it. He disciplines, puts punishments into place and takes electronics away. BUT the behavior is CONSTANT. As soon as they walk into the door.
And the punishments are never long enough to make a difference because of their custody schedule.

They even wait for us to go to bed to take things and act out towards the other kids. I have gone as far as removing every pen, pencil, marker etc to stop the 'art work' which consists of sign making to make fun of another kid. Our bedroom has become a hiding place for food.

It's like both myself and SO count down the minutes until they leave which isn't fair to the other kids.

Stepping_off_the_ledge's picture

Submitted by Stepping_off_th... on Thu, 07/28/2016 - 12:51pm

Has anyone had any luck getting mandatory family counseling put into their custody order? We are in the process of modification and I feel like that is important.
The kids have a PASing/Narcissistic BM and unfortunately SDs are following right in her footsteps. Entitled, lying, manipulative and lack of empathy are just starters.
BM won't sign off on counseling outside of it being mandated by the court.

Stepping_off_the_ledge's picture

Submitted by Stepping_off_th... on Thu, 07/28/2016 - 7:29pm

SO has 50/50 however recently BM has been playing around with custody so this summer the time has diminished. Reason behind going back to court to modify.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Thu, 07/28/2016 - 3:57pm

I feel your pain...My DH has 3 boys and I had one. The OSS and my BS were the same age but as opposite in every way possible.
When DH and I first moved in together (and I mean immediately) the SS's would start ganging up on BS. They would be all nice and kind and then decide to just turn on him.
He would get blamed for EVERYTHING that happened. They would lie and blame him, etc. I knew it was happening but DH would defend his pwecious children to the death.
FINALLY I had enough. I could hear them outside messing around. I heard the MSS tell BS that the OSS hated BS. Then YSS chimed in and confirmed it. Now granted, it wasn't like they hit BS or anything but the fact is, We NEVER talked like that in our house. The word Hate was not EVER used when it came to another person and especially not family.
I had enough of their crap so I charged outside and lined them all up. I made MSS repeat to me what he said, I then asked OSS if he actually felt that way. OSS confirmed it.
I then told them they didn't need to bother coming back ever again because I was not going to have BS be mis-treated in his own home. I said a few other choice words and left them standing there with their mouths wide open.
I dared DH to say one damn thing to me about it.
They are still Jerks but they stopped directing it at BS. And eventually OSS and MSS stopped coming over.
BS is grown now and cant stand OSS or MSS...then again neither can DH.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Fri, 07/29/2016 - 8:20am

For information on Pathogenic Parenting (ineffective and WRONG term PA,PAS,Parental Alienation)please google:
Dr Craig Childress "Parental Alienation". Yes I know in quotes are those words but Dr Childress will explain everything.

If you go on you tube, also check out his videos, easy peasy to understand and well worth the look.
ALSO, his web site is amazing and he also has a Facebook page.

**Not all things are Pathogenic Parenting**

MOST important is this, IF you suspect this is going on and reach out to a counselor please go onto Dr Childress Website, HE has PDF printable introduction letters for counselors and attorneys that you can hand to them. HE IS 100percent available to consult if they contact him. IF your counselor blows smoke out of their ears and nose find a new counselor who is willing to call him for free OR email him for free.

***google STARK REALITY by Dr Childress***