Not sure where to even begin...
Well, custody mediation is over and guess what.....it is worse!!!
Two points of contention were established:
1. Shared custody (50/50) - this has always been however it was not on paper.
2. BM is no longer allowed at our home - such as picking up the kids. All transportation done by SO.
Sounds good right, well here are the horrendous aspects of this agreement (just want to say our county justice system for custody and support is absolutely horrifying and the mediator kept saying a judge will never allow this you must agree here or could potentially lost shared custody!)
1. Every other day! SO wanted week on/week off, even offered 2/2/5 but not a chance! What is infuriating is that we talked about every other day NOT working because there is zero ability to actually set a schedule or even discipline. His kids now are completely disrespectful and know that they will leave the next day so not a big deal. And BM rewards them for that behavior so its a lost cause.
2. Zero third party involvement. Mediator actually told SO you wanted custody so you take care of your kids. The reason why this is so damaging to our household is because his kids are already told that my involvement whatsoever is not warranted or wanted. They do not listen to me, actually completely ignore me. And now a court is confirming what their crazy BM has been telling them.
3. If the kids have off from school, they are only allowed to stay at our house IF SO takes off work. They cannot stay with me and my children or grandparents, etc. This now allows BM to have grounds to NEVER get a job as she has some crazy legal excuse. And this only pertains to Fridays - any other day of the week SO does not have that option.
And of course BM is already stalking just waiting for a contempt charge. She had her husband drive by yesterday to make sure it wasn't me taking the kids to school. BUT if she is contempt the stepkids will NEVER tell SO. But are so quick to rat him out as they are all little SPIES.
So there you have it. What's worse is that now SO and myself are currently arguing because I refused to help him this weekend. He has a couple scheduling conflicts where he cannot be 2 places at one and asked me to help out taking his kids to sporting events. Nope. He agreed to this ridiculous custody agreement now he needs to figure out how to make it work. I am actually taking my bios and going away for the weekend just to avoid the shitshow it will surely be.
UGH!!! When does it end!
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She sued him for contempt
She sued him for contempt when she found out he was going to court to establish custody. They have never followed the originally agreement so for 5 years he has had every other day. The mediator said if he doesn't agree he will lose in court AND be arrested for contempt since he didn't follow the original order. Never mind that BM sold the kids to him as long as he continued to pay full child support. They didn't want to hear that.
There is no proof. He doesn't
There is no proof. He doesn't have it in writing and she denied ever changing it. Said he has been in contempt and she just allowed it to 'keep the peace'. It was total bullshit.
Now he was just served with contempt again for not complying with their tax return agreement.
Hope you can answer this one....their divorce decree says he has to split child tax credit. However she has NEVER filed taxes since they have been divorced because she hasn't worked. Now her and her lawyer are claiming that he was to pay her from his return. Tell me - what was he supposed to pay her? It isn't like the government GIVES you money, it's just a write off against what he PAID in taxes.
If it has been going on for
If it has been going on for five years there must be some sort of evidence you can use and witnesses you could ask for statements. I bet a fair number of the kids teachers and other school staff knew that these kids were switching parents every day. Obviously get an attorney but also think of what evidence you can get to help prove what has been happening.
Oh wow I'm sorry this sounds
Oh wow I'm sorry this sounds awful.
Every other day??? That is going to be bad for the kids.
This is how it has been and
This is how it has been and it DOESN'T work which is why he wanted every other week. With this type of schedule there is absolutely no way to function properly.
All kids are school age. I
All kids are school age.
I didn't do anything other than help support SO. I took care of mornings to school because I worked later and he took care of evenings. The issue is BM is crazy and a complete narcissist. SHE has an issue with me being involved and wanted nothing but to remove me. Well she got it. And SO agreed. He was more worried about establishing 50/50 that he completely lost track that this WON'T work! Hasn't worked in a long time because his kids know that they leave the next day so nobody can enforce anything.
We are not married for this exact reason. I am not willing going to legally attach myself to crazy. Right now I can step back without repercussions.
No attorney - can't afford
No attorney - can't afford one because of how much money his pays to ex. BUT she had an attorney of course. Guess you know where all that money is going.
She doesn't work and has
She doesn't work and has never worked. The judge during support said his job is to keep his ex and kids off welfare. She was awarded 70% of his weekly income which is our state max!
WTH...
WTH...
And this consideration of
And this consideration of additional household income happens 99% of the time on the non custodial side; for our purposes it's safe to say the biodad. Courts are seldom interested in the CP BM's additional income should she remarry Warren Buffet.
Chef found out the hard way that mediation and the mediators are as useful to the father's side of things as a cat flap on an elephant house. They are trained to take the BM's side of things since that is the default pro se outcome in "family" court. DADS SIMPLY MUST HAVE A PITBULL ATTORNEY or they will get shafted every.single.time.
Most likely because she never
Most likely because she never filed and claimed her alimony for all those years. So wouldn't be beneficial for her to file due to taxes owed and penalties on nearly 60k.
Basically he either agreed OR
Basically he either agreed OR 1. Get arrested. 2. Lose custody time.
His ex is horrendous. Her only care is herself. Cannot think about what's best for the kids and her vengeance against me is so deep (however not warranted) that she schemes of ways every day to conflict drama.
What's worse is that she is REMARRIED! And they have been divorced for 6 years. When does it end.
When you get remarried
When you get remarried doesn't alimony stop?
I can't believe a mediator
I can't believe a mediator went along with this ridiculous plan. Every other day? That's insane. Actually ALL of it is insane.
Unfreaking-believable. I am
Unfreaking-believable. I am so sorry. This has got to go onto the Hall of Shame for parental negotiation.
Wish your SO could claim some incapacitation to allow another shot at mediation: "Gee, I didn't think that NyQuil and Tylenol with Codeine that I took for this massive cold would interfere with my thinking." ('Course, then SO is a drug-user.) That's about the only explanation I have.
Apparently either SO lost his ever-loving mind or he was horrifically bullied during mediation.
Cannot imagine your life for the next few years. You now have no input or control in your own home. It does not bode well for your sanity.
It has actually put me right
It has actually put me right on the edge. I dread custody days and try to avoid it at all cost. Can't stand being here. It's horrible.
Get an aggressive attorney
Get an aggressive attorney STAT and appeal
The mediator actually told SO
The mediator actually told SO to move to the next county over if he wanted tha schedule. She laughed and said no way our judges would agree to anything else. Of course she said that sarcastically about moving.
AND put in the order that both parties have to give 60 days notice before moving. Guess she wanted to cover just in case he decided to actually do it!
wow thats insane. i just
wow thats insane. i just can't believe the things that are allowed to go on and the courts allow it. why is it so hard to just try and be a blended family. you are very smart to go away i think I'm going to follow your example as i am currently going some through some things that i should step away from
It will never end....sorry if
It will never end....sorry if I just burst you bubble
SO agreed to this crock thus he needs to figure it out, you are right with that, now you can fully disengage and enjoy life without the brats... do not even talk to them and have fun with your bio's