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Need advice! SS want to "talk"

steppinginsf's picture

So, there is so much background that I would want to talk with anyone about.
But, if your stepkid tells their bio-parent (your partner) that they want to talk with you about stress/conflict in the household, would you do it? My SS does, apparently. I am a very upfront person and usually fine with confrontation, but he is 10. And much of my conflict with his dad is a result of his mom (no one talks about the conflict between his parents) or b/c he acts as if he lives in a hotel.
What do I do? He is 10- I do want to respect his emotional age. But I also do not want to be a scapegoat.

Comments

onehappygirl's picture

You make sure your husband is there when your SS wants to talk. Maybe this is a good thing. I think it's an opportunity to get things worked out between all of you.
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steppinginsf's picture

I will approach it openly. I think I will need to work hard not to point SS in the direction of his mother. FH and BM have constant conflict and prior to their split 8 years ago, SS lived in the midst of it (now it just happens over the phone, often with him present, or in the form of BM being emasculating and cruel to FH in front of SS). So, although FH and I do have conflict (much less now than a few months ago, thanks to our work with our therapist), and it brings stress to our household sometimes, I am not willing to take on the load of all of the conflict that SS experiences in his life. Nor am I willing to say that FH and I will never disagree. We all live in an 800 sq. ft. apt. so there is also no privacy- FH and I could bicker about putting the laundry away in our room and to SS it is "an argument."

Pantera's picture

My SS is 10 as well. Talk to him and be honest. Kids are smarter than you would think, lol.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus