I'm sure you have already considered this, but just in case, does your DH's job allow overtime that he could possibly pick up to help with the basketball, holiday and car expenses? I know the CS agency is horrible to deal with, but has your DH gone through the motions try and receive even the minimal amount you should get? Will the school allow you to payment plan the sports equipment/fees?

I'm sorry, this situation sucks all around!

Is there anything ss can do to lighten your load and make it easier for you to manage?

Part time job to help with the expensss?

Or stuff around the house thaf will make your life easier to compensate you with more time and less stress? Maybe put him in charge of cooking on work night, or cleaning. Or make him responsible for mowing the lawn and shoveling the drive way all winter.

Does he generally end up with cash from xmas? Can you make a deal with him that you will front the money but he is to pay you back for half as soon as he gets it?

Does he have anything to sell to raise the other half of the money?

If he wants ti play badky enough he should be willing to find a way to make it work.

We've been dorked on a couple different occasions when it comes to paying "half" for sports (travel in our case, which also means gas, hotel rooms, meals, etc).

BM was all hot to get SK on a travel team, but was eerily silent when SK needed all new equipment (won't say what sport, but the equipment is EXTREMELY expensive -- and of course, he pretty much had outgrown all his other equipment). $1200 just to play, another $1000 for equipment. Then it seemed every time SK had to travel she "had plans" which meant DH was gone for the weekend, spending 1-2 nights in a hotel room, meals for him and both SK's, gas to get there (usually 2-3 hr drives one way).

So not only was DH living beyond his means when it came to paying bills in this house, he agreed to this without talking to me about it. I didn't want to be a bitch, but who was going to finance this whole circus? He KNEW (or should have known) from previous experiences that she will do whatever it takes to get out of paying anything (he pays a LOT of CS every month, but she doesn't work so that's HER income).

I agree -- in a way the kid suffers. But what if this was the case in an intact family? If they were still married, DH would work and she wouldn't; and they still wouldn't be able to afford this. But then again, I agree with you in that the kid has to realize that money does not grow on trees, and if BOTH parents are not willing to contribute EQUALLY then it ain't gonna happen. So sorry.

I'd have another incident to share but details would call me out -- suffice to say she agreed to pay for an activity for one SK if DH paid for sport for the other SK. She never did pay her end of the bargain, SK ended up paying for it himself (of course with promises from BM to "pay him back") Meanwhile, the other SK got his way paid free and clear by DH.

My son is in a travel sport, but my DH does not contribute one red cent to it -- I pay for it all and will not rely on my DH to help pay for it. If I couldn't afford it, my son wouldn't play. Just that simple.

She'll screw over her own children when it gets right down to it. We've seen it over and over and over again. It's sad, really.

Unfortunately, I completely know where you are coming from. BM will agree (hesitantly) to extra curricular activities with the preface that she can't afford to help pay. I have decided what I an willing to "help" my FDH to pay for and then the rest FSD just has to go without. I can't put the sports activity over my bills or household bills. I feel bad sometimes for FSD but that's her mother and her mother doesn't see the need to get out and get a second job or make sacrifices.... In your situation just like B22S22 said, if they were an intacted family...without her working they still probably wouldn't be able to afford theses sports costs

If mom won't pay and dad can't afford the full amount, then the kid can't play.

Time for the kid to learn the meaning of work hard play hard. If he works during the summer, he'll be able to play in the the fall.

A little hard work never hurt anyone.

What would you do when BM "doesn't have" her half?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I will tell you what I did when EX did not have his half.

If I wanted my kid in some sport....I paid it. I would not have told them they could not play because their dad was a deadbeat.

You may have to go to having the kids select one sport a year and be done with it. BM didn't pay for football, so you had some pretty good indication that she wouldn't be paying for the basketball either.

Yeah, I 'get' it. Kid wants to play both and supposedly it's 'not fair' kid can't (even though this wouldn't be the first child to ever have to face reality that households have budgets). If BM dropped dead today, you'd still be faced with 'does SS get to play two sports or can we only afford one'. I probably would not allowed SS to go out for the basketball if Dh couldn't swing the full price as BM had already proven she would not be helping. Yeah, it sucks. If Dh doesn't want to tell SS 'no' than perhaps between SS/DH have can come up with the money. Either one of them have anything they'd be willing to sell on craig's list or the local ads? Is SS willing to have the sport he enjoys be his holiday gifts?

If DH can afford 1/2 of two sports a year, but BM isn't reliable even after agreeing, then Dh can pay one sport in full and SS will have choices to make as to which is more important to him. Have DH do what he can about basketball this season, or he'll have to tell the teen no. After this make it clear DH will pay for one full sport and SS can only play two if 1)SS earns the needed cash or 2)BM fully pays in advance for the 2nd sport.

Try this, it takes a percentage but I think we may try it for my DD's graduation gift (Trip to visit family in Europe) I'm buying the airfare but want everyone else to be able to pitch in easily instead of buying odds and ends or giving cash.
We also my use it for DS's sports. exh is pretty much backed out of funding anything (yes it's court ordered) he also got cs abated (cuss, cuss, cussin, cuss) DS has waited and worked hard to do what I said he had to to play a sport he's wanted to and his dad screwed the pooch last year (said he's take care of signing him up and paying, didn't just flat out didn't then admitted it AFTER it was too late) So I took care of it and sent him a bill for his CO'd half, but there are shoes, mouth guards, tourney fees it's a lot.

If that were to happen at our house, then sadly the kid wouldn't get to join. No it's not fair on him that he has one parent who can't be bothered to contribute but that's not your fault. He is old enough to understand and maybe his dad needs to be honest and explain you can't keep footing the entire bill with no help from his mother. You and dad don't have a bottomless pit of money and getting your vehicles sorted out has to be your priority, as not having reliable transport is probably not an option for you and would be unfair on the entire family, not to mention threatening your livelihood if you need your car for work . We have the same problem with skids bm - lazy good for nothing bitch contributes zero and as we're on a low income, skids don't get to do half of what they'd like because we simply can't afford it. It sucks but it's the way it is and unless bm gets off her ass and gets a job which will never happen, that's the way it's going to stay for the foreseeable future. I suppose I should be thankful that we've never had a lot of money so skids have never been used to us being able to afford many activities or treats so they accept it and know there's no point asking for expensive things.

I had a rule with BS that only one costly activity at a time. For him that was scouting. I stopped the soccer when it was apparent, he was never going to play professionally. I have no problem with clubs at school as long as they were a small amount, but once it became clear they were going to have travel fees, they were stopped.

You can only do so much. Better he learn this now, then when he gets to college and starts demanding all sorts of stuff....Frats was my sons thing this year and I said no once and he got the message....

What would I do? That depends. Did she verbally agree to pay for any sport that she agreed to in advance? Or did she agree on paper in mediation that each parent should pay half?

If she verbally agreed, and then "didn't have it", honestly, I'd be judgmental on the inside about it, but I probably wouldn't do anything.

My kids play sports. My stepkids play sports. I pay for all of it. This year I paid for SS to play football. His mother never pitched in so much as a penny. SD11 plays the baritone. Meaning I not only had to buy a baritone ($1k) but I also have to take it back and forth to school for her 3 days a week. It's huge.

Her mom has her for 8 weeks this summer, and I'm already dreading telling her that she needs to buy a baritone or rent one so SD11 can practice while she is there. She is likely going to say the same as your BM. "I pay CS." Oh yeah, the $50 a month you pay because you cried to the judge doesn't come near to covering it.

Oh, I should add...

Someone else brought up a great idea about working for it...

My DS does chores around the neighborhood (his travel sport fees are about $2500 per season, not including gas/meals/hotels) starting in the spring right after the season is over, and through the summer and early fall. He saves about 99% of the money he makes and give it to me at the beginning of the season. If he can do all he can to help pay the team fee, I'll do the rest (including equipment, his is the same sport as SK so EXPENSIVE). But DS is really good at it and this is the one sport he participates in.

I know a couple other boys on his team who do the same thing, working/saving; I've talked to their parents about it. I agree, if this is something your SS *really* wants to do, he'll work for it. maybe it won't work out for this year, but I also agree with ONE SPORT, and he can start working now to earn money to help pay for it. Then you'll know exactly how invested he is in playing the sport.

When I was a teen, I was involved in cheerleading, dance, and 4-H w/ horses. My parents paid for cheerleading ($500 per yr) and 4-H (mo idea the cost, but a lot). I paid for dance through my after school job. I cringed every year at the costs associated with cheerleading and 4-H. I never EXPECTED my parents to take care of expenses. I always asked if it was ok. If it wasn't in the budget, I understood. Why do kids expect their parents to shell out so much money now? I don't get it.