Introduction
Hey everyone! I have been reading through steptalk for a while and at one point I actually was posting. I am a stepmom to a 5 year old girl and a biomom to a 1 year old boy. I had come here for advice and help but at that time it seemed like I was one of the very few stepmothers that wanted her stepchild around haha. Well I see a lot more do now and I'd love to get more advice, vent, and just chat with you ladies! We had recently went through a court battle for custody of her and for the most part it went very well! Hopefully I can be a more consistent member of your community. 
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Comments
It is very easy to love
It is very easy to love little ones. They want your attention and want to make you happy and proud. And then they become tweenagers who try to challenge and pummel everything you say. And then it gets even better when they become raging hormonal (expensive) teenagers who want to be independent. It is hard when you are a bio parent to guide them without conflict, it is even harder when you are a stepparent who they dont feel has any authority, even if you have been on their lives since infancy.
Anyways, welcome and enjoy the happy times now!
I noticed you really advocate
I noticed you really advocate for a lot of divorce.
Welcome. I get along with my
Welcome. I get along with my teenage stepdaughter pretty well. She is 14. The worst age was 11 and 12. But that was when her mom was going psycho on her and she was reacting within our home. We really shut some things down and it made her life and our life a lot better. Now SD is thriving in school and wither friends.
I get along very well with
I get along very well with SD9 - she likes rules, order and schedules. Like me.
HA! She doesn't get these with DP or BM (so far as I can tell) and sticks to me like glue unless I let her know I'm busy and have to get things done so go do something else for a while.
I don't really disengage from her but only do certain things: assist with dinner if DP cannot do it for some reason, "help" her with homework (mostly just sitting there while she talks with me about what she's doing), assisting to prep her weekday breakfast (she's now assisting with this so I can phase out my help in a couple months), and making her lunch (which I will stop doing next year).
I sometimes suggest she get ready for bed (and make sure DP hears) and sometimes make sure she changes her socks. But not always as I'm sick of doing this...sometimes she smells and I'll suggest she showers (which she almost always does upon suggestion) - sometimes I'll have DP do it.
But again, she's pleasant and cheerful most of the time and doesn't fuss over much.
SD12? I don't really do much with at all. I've basically come to the full disengagement reality in the last week or so. I won't do anything. No cleaning, no suggesting, no talking with DP about it.
Really no discussion with DP about much of anything with either SD since he almost always reacts badly. The exception is if it directly effects me. Then *I* decide what do to, no discussion.