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STalking for 12 years and 5 days..... and counting.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 05/29/2020 - 5:18pm

It has been a minute since I first found StepTalk.  It was not my first StepParent community.  I have been a member of two others that were great places for good people to collaborate on navigating blended family life, skid issues, SO issues, dealing with toxicity in the blended family opposition and navigating the maze of the family court system. Those communities no longer exist.  Occasionally an old friend from a past community will join StepTalk which is always exciting for me.

StepTalk has been an amazing place to vent, work though blended family issues, get advice, to hear about what others in the blended family world are dealing with, and to support them and comment on their struggles and successes.

Like anything, this is an evolving community.  I liken it to the cyclical pendulum swing between fundamentalism and openness in the Middle East where I have lived and worked for much of my life.  STalk swings through the entire spectrum between confident assertive engagement to tolerance of any level of toxicity from the blended family opposition.  Wait a minute, the pendulum will swing.  As it should.

There are periodic shifts in community members, some long term members are doggedly committed to being here, some great people have gone, and some have returned over the years, and of course there is a steady influx of new blood since  the trauma and drama of the blended family world will never go away for everyone who chooses a life in the blended family universe. Some may navigate it successfully, many won't.

With the periodic relocation characteristics of my career STalk has been a constant presence in my life for quite some time.  In the 12 years and 5 days I have been here, my blended family and I have moved between 8 different homes, 4 States, and 4 different countries while my career has spanned 3 different companies.  Through all of that adventure, I have been here and STalk has been here for me.

I intend to stay here for as long as I can bring a confident assertive perspective to the trials and tribulations of SParenting and blended family life and learn a thing or two.

I have been asked to tone it down a bit, so I will do that.  My message will in all likelihood remain consistent, though I have shifted a bit over the years.  My wording will change as needed to remain within the bounds of acceptability of the changing position demographic of our community.

My thanks to Dawn and the STalk team and hosting service. It is a truly unique place where SParents and others in blended families can vent, contribute and pick up lessons from the experiences of others who are navigating or have navigated the blended family dream.  Of course nothing is ever a sure thing or 100% effective for everyone in all situations.  Any assumption otherwise is naive at best.  So my superordinate advice is to take all things needed or that may be helpful that STalk has to offer in the blended family journey and leave the rest in the archives of STalk for future review or use if needed.  Anything is possible in the blended family universe.

Here is to another minute or two of STalk life for me.  At least another 12 years and 5 days..... give or take.

Live well STalkers.

See you in a minute.

 

 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Fri, 05/29/2020 - 6:49pm

Im not sure what exactly occurred, I'm a nrw member.  But you seem to be a consistent, caring, supportive presence.  Re the semantic issues, I'm reminded of DH & my utterances to our 5 kids.  The messages certainly sounded different coming from him than from me, but the underlying meanings were the same ("Clean up that mess." "No"  "Stop that", etc).

 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Fri, 05/29/2020 - 7:48pm

I'm a member! I so appreciate and respect your posts, your experience, your self-honesty and introspection, and most of all, the love you have for your lovely bride, your son (so proud!), and your parents. Your logical, proven approach is an inspiration to many STers, and you have encouraged me a lot. 

God bless you Rags. Thank you for being here! 

Biggrin

TheBrightSide's picture

Submitted by TheBrightSide on Fri, 05/29/2020 - 9:26pm

I've been a member 12 years and 3 months!!  I remember your sage advice to me when I was going through my darkest, darkest times so many years ago.  I even seem to recall starting a post that read something like.."anyone else have a crush on Rags?"

Although I'm far past needing advice, I remain on ST.  Sometimes I dole out advice on certain threads that usually read something like..."you deserve the life you want"....or "you have to love yourself enough to realize you are worth the life you want"....

Rags, don't change.  

Your long time admirer.

TheBrightSide's picture

Submitted by TheBrightSide on Fri, 05/29/2020 - 9:29pm

I really really believe that ST saved me so many years ago.  I'm not kidding when I say that I went through some very dark times. All I had to do was reach out to others here and I was comforted.  I was understood.  

I'm so very grateful for this site.  

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Sat, 05/30/2020 - 7:22am

Thank you for being here and giving a different perspective to the group.  I may not 100% agree with everything you say, but find your advice helpful and thought provoking.  
 

Glad you are here!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sat, 05/30/2020 - 9:37am

I appreciate your viewpoint as someone who has succeeded (in addition to other long-timers with different but just as valuable perspectives.) Your child has launched and your marriage has survived. Also, as women, some of us have been conditioned to question ourselves and put our needs last. We ask if we are right or wrong to feel a certain way. We give until we have nothing left but resentment. Maybe that's not just a gender thing, but it's interesting to hear from someone who does not suffer from that. Now, you won't find me whopping anyone over the head with a frying pan, but sometimes i do ask myself "what would Rags do?" 
 

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 05/30/2020 - 1:32pm

Thanks.  Lol.  The frying pan is not an option that I have ever employed or experienced the receiving end of.  Fortunately.

 

Olivia2020's picture

Submitted by Olivia2020 on Sat, 05/30/2020 - 9:22am

Your responses based on your experiences on here and in the crazy world have provided a LOT of valuable insight plus a few laughs with your funny notable sayings...stay great!

Old sm's picture

Submitted by Old sm on Sat, 05/30/2020 - 11:09am

I've actually been here much longer than my profile (at least 10 years) says bc I've changed my ID a few times.  So, I've been a long time fan of yours, Rags, bc you are a voice of logic and common sense.  I love your posts.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 05/31/2020 - 9:11pm

Well, thanks for this post.

I think that you are spot on with the decision to stay. There seems to be a very regular steady stream of "fresh meat" for the steplife grinder to hack through. My heart hurts for those that are living miserably and staying in relationships that sound completely torturous. Thankfully mine is now, but when I started out here, it was. I was completely new to this and completely miserable dealing with the Toxic Sludge Todic Troll bio mother and her mini-me spawn offspring Feral Forger.

Ive been around a while and things have progressively gotten better over time (SD moved out, we got married, bought a house and then a boat!)

So glad that you are sticking around!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 06/01/2020 - 1:46pm

It warms my heart that you and DH are living well and the TT and FF are fading in their influence in your life.