Well, it went rather well. This might be a little long, but here goes:

I think the most shocking part would be that the "In my house" part was actually my Idea.

BM has been having problems with SD12. Back talking, terrible attitude, refusing to help at home, grades on a downward spiral. She has called DH a few times about it and asked him to talk to his daughter. DH has done this. Last Thursday, BM calls DH and asks him to come and get his daughter because she cannot handle it and she wants his help dealing with daughter. No doubt she lays on the "you said you will always be there for the kids" because that's what he comes home and says to me. Anyway, I really appreciated the fact that he came home and said to me that he wanted to discuss it before he actually ran over there and got her.

So we discussed. Basically, the problems that BM is having, we have no such issues anymore. The kids are respectful, they do their chores, they're bucking up on schoolwork over the weekend, they volunteer to help with stuff etc. They still play or watch TV too much (in my opinion) but that's because DH allows it. Obviously they have significant respect for DH and I for insisting on the things we do, and their respect for BM is waning. It was bound to happen, she treats them like babies, over-indulges them, does too much for them that they can do for themselves, never holds them accountable, never follows through with consequences. But she has heard that they do chores at our house and is now trying to make it happen at hers. If fact, she thinks the kids should volunteer to do the chores. So SD is rebelling. They've been accustomed to 2 different sets of rules for 2 houses, they're not liking these new demands one bit. And BM can't handle them. Also, one thing she uses to threaten them into doing stuff is to threaten to send them to our house, or threaten that dad will come and deal with them, because she's realized that her voice has lost it's power. In my mind, this is the worst thing to do because she is just undermining herself.

Anyway, DH wanted to run over there. Apparently I was also invited because given how the kids are with me, I could have valuable input. It would have meant me packing up baby to go. DH had just come home from working at his 2nd job, after stopping in for a few minutes after his normal day job, none of us had had dinner, we would spend 1 hr in getting back and forth, and God knows how long in the "Conference" with BM and the kids. I felt it was unfair to all of us that we have to be inconvenienced because BM needs our help with HER problem, so I suggested she drag her ass and the kids here instead and I can be at home and comfortable, and DH could relax for 30 mins before they arrived. It really slipped my mind that BM has not yet met our baby (at my insistence) and that her coming here meant that she would. Well, I had already made my request and DH complied and told her she had to come, so I just had to give up on that and let BM meet baby.

They arrived. DH assigned seats to everyone - SD and him at table, BM and SS on a couch each, I joined them and sat on the floor with baby. DH confronted his daughter, with everyone looking on, she had nothing to say other than "I didn't do the chores because I didn't want to". BM talked about all her issues - how much she does for them, how they don't help, about the mouth on SD, the attitude, she even sat there and said that they think they're so entitled! BM took away SD's phone and disabled her FB account that day, her very first stint at doling out repercussions. DH had his say about what was expected of the kids, about the parents working together to ensure that they buck up, that they should not feel they can play one against the other, about having to do things that you may not want to do in this life. BM asked me how they are with me, and I had my say. All very civil, serious discussion.

It was decided that SD would stay with us. BM had asked to keep the kids this weekend because she had a fun weekend planned for them, but now she felt that SD did not deserve to have a fun weekend so wanted us to keep her. It meant SD missed school on Fri and was at home with me. I gave her schoolwork to do all day and chores. Today, DH woke her up early and took her to work and gave her work to do. Shee'll be home at 1pm and I have to give her schoolwork, chores and monitor and supervise her limited amount of "fun" time (computer or Wii). She'll be going to work with DH tomorrow too.

In my house, BM looked frowsy and fat and subdued. She was there because she had a problem she couldn't handle and needed DH's and MY help. On leaving, she looked at me and DH standing together and holding our baby and confessed the following: "You know, being divorced from their father and them not having him there everyday, I felt guilty, I wanted to give them as much as I could to make up for that, I wanted to make things easier for them." She didn't say that that wasn't the best way to do things, but in her eyes, you could see that she felt terrible. She thought she was giving them everything and was astounded that kids that she felt she was giving her all too would treat her this way, while at the same time treating DH and I, who did not give them as many privileges, with such respect. We both told her that she needed to be strong, stick to the consequences and not take anything the kids say personally because right now they are just lashing out and testing her, that she has to show them who is the parent and be confident that she's doing what's best for them. DH hugged me and kissed me and thanked me while BM said goodbye to her daughter.

The only two things that really irked me about the whole Conference were:

1. BM, since she now decided that she urgently needed DH's help, told DH that his son called him a drunkard, and she came to his defense and demanded that he have some respect for his father. Of course, hearing this hurt DH and he was also hell bent on confronting his son about it. SS no doubt said that in the confidence of his mother's house and probably heard her say it anyway. NO doubt the kids think, "Hey, mom will be on my side against dad" because of the way she talks about him. But SS learnt a hard lesson about his mother that day, that she isn't afraid of using anyone to get what she wants, and that night, she wanted to ensure that DH was squarely on her side and that he believes that she is on his. DH did confront his son, who said not a word, and cried and went home with his mother.

2. Watching my daughter touch BM gave me some twisted up insides but I just smiled and tolerated it. She's 10 months old, now learning to walk, she walked about holding on to the couches and chairs and walked toward the people on the couches and chairs and since BM was not actively engaging her, she went right up to BM, touched her legs. When BM saw her and felt her there, she paid attention to her, but when my daughter got attention she moved away. When she wasn't getting attention she also played Peek-a-Boo with her to try to get BM's attention. If BM had pushed herself on my child, I may have had reason to be upset, but it was my own innocent child's doing, BM was respectful.

At the end of that night, DH asked if I think this whole thing was successful. I told him, "This isn't the end of it, it's impossible to measure the success right away. We shall see."