I disengaged from ss years ago before my own bios were even born. But somehow I find that recently I am struggling with this again.

my ss15 still comes to ours every weekend. He is smelly and doesn’t wash. After 5 days straight with us last week I told my oh to tell him to get in the shower. It was vile and I couldn’t deal with it anymore. My oh thinks this is normal for teen boys and maybe it is but I think it’s just crap parenting on my ohs behalf.

my ss is very very bright. However he barely passed his important school exams this year - f, 5 ds, 3 cs. Every comment was the same “can do better not doing any homework, poor attitude in school”. Apparently they’ve mentioned he might not be alllwed back in sept and that bm has been called in a few times since the start of the year but this was the first we heard about it

i has a disagreement with my oh as the weekend before his exams he was playing the Xbox in our house. I lost my temper and actually had to leave the house I was so annoyed. My oh had told ss to bring his school bag out for the past year as we have him every weekend but bm has said no “in case he lost his school books”. Anyway his results were a wake up call and he makes ss go get his bag every single time he collects ss when he still tries to come without it.

i suggested to munch oh he needs to ring the school and have a meeting with the head master to see how ss can pull this back. He told me he would bit ss is back in school a week now and this hasn’t happened. He was in trouble a year ago and cried to the school that he wasn’t upset his parents aren’t together or some crap like that - they’ve been broken up since before Ss was one and both dh and bm are in long term relationships so even my oh told bm this was a load of crap to get out of trouble. I know he’s been painted as an absent father which isn’t true at all.

however my oh seems to have developed into an ostrich; a term I see used frequently here. He is busy with work I know but if it was my child I would find the time to ring. He has already gotten all his stuff back which was confiscated by bm such as his phone etc and he is only back in school a few days so certainly hasnt earned it. As predicted bm rang my oh giving out about his strictness over the crappy results after her begging my oh to deal with it. It’s a pattern over the years. Rince and repeat.i have a toddler with a speech delay and behaviour problems so I want to just disengage again and focused on my own son. It’s tough but I can’t care more than bm answers oh but it’s  just so annoying to behave like this and have no repercussions. I know my oh wouldn’t behave like this with our kids.