I have been a member of ST for about three and a half years. When I joined I was angry and frustrated and had absolutely no one to talk to. ST and the wonderful people of ST gave me my sanity back. I found out that there were other people going through the same crap that I was. Not only was I not alone, but it gave me perspective as well. As horrible as I thought my situation was, there were so many people living a daily nightmare. ST gave me the perspective and encouragement I needed to work through my issues. I look back at where I was three and a half years ago and I shudder in horror.

My biggest problem was that I didn't have anyone to talk to that could understand. The first time I blogged here I was wincing the whole time, so sure everyone was going to yell at me for being a horrible person because I was having trouble loving my step-children. I was hating someone (BM) for the first time in my life and it made me feel mean and petty. And STalkers told me it was ok. They told me it was ok not to be perfect and to have mixed feelings about a child who constantly compares you to her mother and finds you lacking. They told me that it was ok that I was having less than charitable thoughts about someone who was maliciously hurting the man I love. They told me that it was ok to feel everything I was feeling, and that it was normal. It was a revelation. And it gave me a starting point. I became a work in progress. And boy, did it take a lot of work!

And where am I now? Well, it's not perfect. This is life, it never will be. But I've adjusted and learned to roll with the punches, even if I do so grudgingly. I still have arguments in my head with BM. I still roll my eyes sometimes when I can hear that voice speaking so loudly out of DH's cell phone. But you know what? We have now had 3 "family" dinners with BM and her husband and the skids (at the skids request) and not once did I fantasize about throwing my fork at her head. We were polite, civilized, and we even laughed at each other's jokes. It made the skids ecstatic having us all there together. DH and I left feeling good. I don't think I could have ever gotten to that point without the advice and encouragement I have always received here.

We will never be true friends with BM. But we can be polite and work together. We've been able to get more time with the skids lately. BM is keeping her mind games to a minimum. At least, that's how it's working now. This site has also taught me that you always need to be prepared for BM's next mood swing, whichever way that is. Not to forget the skids, being 12 and 14 now, are just on the cusp of teenagerhood and sending us all to the mental ward.

I haven't read the site in months. I just started reading again this week. It's sad that there is fighting and people who don't feel safe on this site. I don't know how it will be fixed, but I hope it can be. All the fear and negativity I've been reading just made me want to put something positive out there. And to show that when we come together as a community we can help, even save, each other. Not every bit of advice I received was what I wanted to hear. Sometimes it was what I needed to hear. Not everyone was nice, but that's life, so I ignored the negativity and focused on the constructive comments. That is what worked for me. But I never had anyone really attack me either. I don't know how I would have dealt with that.

But I wanted to thank those of you who are still here that helped me out when I was new and frantically hanging on to my last shred of sanity. Your advice and comments got me through a very dark time in my life, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.