BM2 sends SO an email today telling him SS5 is going to be done with school in the beginning of June and asking what his plans are. I'm curious to see what his plans are also because I already informed him last week that if he chose to get his son, he should make plans for where he should stay. I already stay with SS15 and SS10 M-Wednesday due to his schedule. Plus DD will only be going on 5 months at that point and to be honest, she's only 2 months now and I'm wondering when it begins to get easier. I'm supposed to go back to work this month and am overwhelmed in even thinking about it. SO is really pushing me to go back, saying that it's a part of life to have to go back to work. However, just thinking about having SS5 coming here and me not working, I know SO will be resentful that I'm home but refuse to stay with SS5. Maybe it is better to go back to work after all.

I want him to have time with his son, I just don't want the responsibility of coming home to ANOTHER child. I would be working primarily days and he works evenings 3 days, then overnight the next two. This means that when I come home, SS5 would be home, most likely being watched by SS15, then SS15 will probably go to his after school program or whatever and try to leave me with SS10, SS5, and of course I'll have DD (who I love being with anyway). SO is home at around midnight Monday-Wednesday so if SS5 went to a sitter, he'd have to be picked up at around that time.

BM2 and I used to have a civil relationship until she borrowed money and didn't pay it back last year. SO then paid me the money back and didn't send her child support for that time in return (which she had initially agreed to when she needed the money). Of course, she got upset anyway and hasn't reached out to me since.

She also, in an argument with SO, brought something up I had told her when we were talking. She had basically asked me why SO took SS5 back to her a month before he said he would and asked if he was "kicked out" of our home. I told her that he wasn't kicked out, that not only was SO annoyed that she kept asking when he would bring him back right after she dropped him off, but I also refused to help with caring for SS because SO did not check in with me beforehand and I wasn't going to overwhelm myself. I did believe that SO became overwhelmed and that was a big part of why he brought SS back to her (they live in another state). I just wanted to be honest with her because I hate being fake with people (I didn't want to deny that I thought I had a part in that).

I feel like I'm wrong for feeling like I don't want to babysit another child. But he's the one who wants to see him so he should make plans on how to care for him, right?