SO gets gift for only one kid
SS6 gets a WII, while the rest of the kids get nothing from SO. I got something for SS11, SS17 and DD1. DD1 was playing with SO's phone last week while he was asleep and BM2 text to thank him for the WII. SO has not mentioned any of it at all to me. I'm not annoyed that he bought SS6 a gift, I'm annoyed that he doesn't think to even offer half of the financing for any of the kids' gifts.
The fact that he feels like he can't tell me, or is keeping it from me, makes me wonder if I am that difficult to talk to. I am very open when I speak to him, so I have mentioned in the past that I do not think it is fair that he doesn't offer to help much financially with DD. He stated that because I make a good enough salary, he doesn't think its an issue and that he feels guilty that SS lives in another state. I get it, but I don't get why that means other kids have to get less.
I'm not even sure how to approach this without making him feel defensive.
- SMto3's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
We split the light and rent
We split the light and rent down the middle and we take turns paying for groceries. If you read through my bio you'll see that SS11 is mostly with me due to SO's work schedule. SS17 goes to boxing daily and gets home between 8 and 9pm. SO pays for his boxing, 100 weekly for ss6. I am the primary financial provider for DD.
The other kids have no idea
The other kids have no idea he bought SS6 anything and I won't tell them. But yes, that's the message I get.
BM2 is more vocal about the
BM2 is more vocal about the things SS6 wants/needs so she did tell him SS6 wanted a Wii. But I also told him SS11 wants a sweater which he hasn't bought and SS17 still has nothing under the tree from SO. But I shouldn't have to cry broke to get help for kids that aren't mine and a baby I didn't create alone!
He definitely hasn't bought
He definitely hasn't bought anything for SS17 or SS11. I get it with DD1 but the thing with him is he never fails to talk to me about all of the bills that need paying, but then he goes and makes a decision to buy a pricey gaming system because he feels like a guilty daddy. For Halloween it was the same thing. BM2 text him that SS6 wanted a specific costume and he made sure to order it and have it sent there. Meanwhile I bought DD her costume, I bought body paint SS17 and SOended up using, and I bought SS11 the mask he wanted. No offfers to help me at all. It's true that SS6 doesn't get to live with or around him but that's none of our faults. BM2 also has a job, plus she has a DS 11 whose dad also pays her child support. She's not poor. I keep saying it, but sometimes I wonder if I'm better off without him but my daughter is a huge part of why I stay, and honestly a bit for the skids too.
That's actually really sad...
That's actually really sad... Why wouldn't he get his other kids anything? What, does he expect them all to wake up to nothing under the tree except the kid who's getting an expensive gaming system? Maybe he plans to go shopping some time this week... There's not much time left before christmas but maybe that's it? I know my husband is disorganized and leaves shopping for christmas to the last minute... I would definitely talk to him about this. Explain what you're willing to put towards your stepkids presents and he needs to make up the difference between what you're spending and the cost of the gaming system so it's all equal.
And if he's this disorganized
And if he's this disorganized and its truly a misunderstanding, I would take over holiday shopping from now on... but that's just me personally. I have a good relationship with my SD and I know her father forgets a lot of things like this, so I handle all shopping and decorating for birthdays/holidays. I don't mind because he does enough around the house to contribute and I know he has other skills... They just don't include shopping/decorating BEFORE the actual day haha. I would get him in the future to give you the money he's willing to spend and you can buy the presents/contribute what you want. He should also be giving you half the amount for DD. I know she's only 1, but as she gets older, the amount should be equal to what he spends on your stepkids.
he doesn't offer to help much
he doesn't offer to help much financially with DD. He stated that because I make a good enough salary, he doesn't think its an issue and that he feels guilty that SS lives in another state.
This is just wrong.
And the reason he didn't tell you about the Wii is because he knows what he did was wrong, not discussing it with you and not getting his other children anything.
It's bad enough that he thinks you should shoulder most of the financial responsibility for your DD, but he also expects you to pick up his slack for HIS other kids. Just, NO.
My ex was that way with our
My ex was that way with our kids. I paid for all of the births because he said it was my choice to use a hospital. Before I became a stay at home mom, I bought the toys for them, diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. When I stayed at home, my Christmas money my mom gave me went to buying presents for the kids. He was not a nice person and couldn't have cared less if the kids got gifts, clothes, or diapers. But he knew that I cared so he figured I would make it happen for the kids and he could just skate on by without doing a thing.
I feel your frustration and I
I feel your frustration and I also would like to know a good way to handle this type of situation. My SO has a 9 y/o daughter and I have a 9 y/o son from previous relationships and together we have a 2 y/o. I do make more money than him so I don't have a problem buying the majority of the gifts at Christmas time. We don't even buy for each other to save money. What bothers me is that he only seems to be concerned with what his daughter gets. I think it is daddy guilt. His daughter and her BM are masters at manipulation. Whatever the reason is though it is pretty infuriating to me. For example, at my company Christmas party he won a $50 gift card to Macy's. The first thing he says is, "I can use this to buy PE (his daughter) a gift" which only bothers me because he doesn't think of our son that we have together and we had already ordered new beds for PE and my older son as their main Christmas gift b/c that is what PE said she wanted. Why doesn't he even consider our 2 y/o?!?! This happens every year. Last year he spent all the money he could afford to buying PE an American girl doll she wanted and didn't have money for our son. Why couldn't he split the money and buy her and his son a gift?!? That is how I felt about the gift card to...why not $25 on each child instead of everything to PE?!?! The other reason this is so frustrating is b/c PE is absolutely spoiled rotten by BM and BM's family and will be at BMs on Christmas day so it isn't like she will have a crappy Christmas if we don't get her everything she desires. I did indeed confront him on all of this and how it comes across that he favors PE and that isn't fair to the other children. All it did was cause him to be defensive and a day long argument