I smell an inevitable failure to launch
Hello all,
Oldest SS is now 18 and should have graduated in March, except now he’s graduating in June as he states he failed a class. It looks like he’s starting to realize the boxing thing may not pan out for him so he’s now decided to become a rapper.
He’s already made 2 songs which his mother helped to put in ITunes. She’s also helped him create his album cover, yet still owes over 30k in child support (125 a week or so for both skids). Tonight he will be in the studio recording another hit from midnight until 4am.
He has decided that he doesn’t think college is for him. And I’m crossing my fingers and praying that he changes his mind or at least find a job. I’ve asked SO to please talk to him, I don’t want to be the one to kill his dreams and he tells me not to worry; he refuses to have SS stay home doing nothing. I’m afraid that’s what he will end up doing as it seems like he’s doing everything to avoid the old 9-5.
As for SS13, still has issues with authority figures, still lies about passing But gets the usual failing report card in the mail. Looks like summer school again, 6th year in a row. I have tried to help him, but he’s too much to work with so I’ve given up.
They have been able to maintain for the most part an alternating dishes schedule yet still somehow cannot seem to throw garbage in the trash: they still use the floor as garbage. Every single day I’m still saying the same thing them or to SO. They also still lack any respect for boundaries, and will eat things they shouldn’t.
For example, I had a can of pineapples out on the counter on top of a ham so that I could bake a pineapple ham. I had made sure I cooked for SS18 when they got home from being with their BM all day (apparently she only buys them junk and he wanted real food). I had also went Food shopping and gotten them Strudels and pies and other snacks. SS18 found the Easter basket I saved for him and was eating the goodies with SS13 from it. But no, none of that was enough. They waited for me to go to bed at midnight to eat the f$&@ing pineapples. At least for that they threw the can in the trash. They couldn’t think of a reason for why they did it, they just lack boundaries.
I haven’t been on here for a while but SO and I went out of state in January to see SS8, SS18 and SS13 didn’t want to go so they stood Home. I asked SO to please buy a lock since i didn’t trust that they wouldn’t go into the room, and plus I’ve had stuff of mine (gold bracelet, money) missing in the past. With an attitude SO gets a masterlock and places it outside of our door. On the day we left on our way to the airport, I had this feeling they would pick that lock and voiced it to SO who got annoyed saying they couldn’t.
2 days later, we get a call from the friend we had left a set of our car keys to that they wanted us to know they saw SS18 who has no license driving the Mercedes Benz. The friend wanted us to know in case something happened to the car they wouldn’t be blamed. The only other car key copy was in our room which had the Masterlock on it that SO said skids couldn’t pick.
SO immediately calls SS18 and asks if he had the car keys and he says yes. SO asked how if the room had a lock, did he pick the lock open and he says yes. SO asked him why he did it and he says he just wanted the car keys. So basically I have no right to privacy. Yes he got his cell taken away for a month but I doubt they learned their lesson as evidenced by the fact that they still have poor boundaries.
I cannot wait for the day they are both moved out.
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Comments
WTH?????
WTH is wrong with these dads. Honestly every generation becomes less strict than the next. There is no full proof formula to raising a successful, grounded, realistic young adult. But come on, the lack of delegating responsibility and respect in your home is just dumbfounding. So many stories like this, and its still shocking each and everytime I read one. I dont know how SM's get through this ,I shudder to think what its like to live with a young adult skid, let alone the bratty younger variety. I hope you and your DH decide together how your ship is to be run, and follow through.
Agreed
Sometimes SO becomes defensive when I tell him I worry about how his kids are turning out, and what that means for our future. He told me that he thought his kids would be fine and that he refused to see them at home doing nothing. Let’s see what happens when SS18 graduates.
Skids do not dare disrespect us to our face but it is also my opinion that what you do when I’m not around speaks volumes about how you feel about me. I don’t trust skids and that’s one major issue I have. I know they would do this again. I don’t trust SS18 to watch SS13 because he will still do what he wants and leave SS13 alone at home. SS13 in turn will bring girls home and screw his life up. He’s the one with issues with authority figures, constantly lies about stuff he does or doesn’t do in school and always finds a way to get in trouble. Used to be weekly but now it’s aboit very 2 weeks to every month SO gets a call about his behavior, or missing homework or something.
SO’s way of checking if he did his homework is to ask him if he did it and he always says yes. I used to tell him to check and see if that was true but I gave up because SO doesn’t seem to get the point that you have to fact check everything SS13 says especially when it has to do with school and his whereabouts.
You describe my DH perfectly
"SO’s way of checking if he did his homework is to ask him if he did it and he always says yes. I used to tell him to check and see if that was true but I gave up because SO doesn’t seem to get the point that you have to fact check everything SS13 says especially when it has to do with school and his whereabouts."
This is exactly my DH, who was all proud yesterday because SS said "Yes I cleaned my room" on his way out the door, but when I opened the door to look of course it was NOT clean. SS remains 100% willing to lie to his dad's face an I hate it. I hate living with it, waiting for it to come home, waiting for it to leave again.
Cannot wait to be done living with SS18.
Negligent parenting
I feel that parents who indulge their kids and refuse to require anything from them should pay extra taxes for the cost society will have to bear to invetiably support these “kidults”.
My SSs are not as bad, but they don’t try at school. If they have a problem or get a bad grade, BM just switches their classes. One SS is on his third math teacher this year. He doesn’t do all of his homework, so I’m not surprised he has a C in class. In his current class he has an F and fhere’s one week left in the term. The other SS has an IEP, so his grades magically become Bs at the end of each grading period (even if they were Cs and Ds in real life). DH has convinced himself that once they reach high school (they are in middle school), they will realize they need to work hard...I’m not convinced.
Don’t get me started on trash and dishes. My only saving grace is that they are only with us 4 days a month. My pet peeve is that they put everything on the kitchen counter when they arrive...including their shoes! I’ve come home more than once to find someone’s dirty football cleats sitting on the counter.
Oh HOW I WISH
they were only here 4 days a month! They live here and POs BM hasn’t offered to have them stay with her for over 2 years. No break from skids for me and Even when we go away I have to worry about the crap they are pulling at home.
There should definitely be an extra tax for these parents, these kidults are expensive!