Absence of girlfriend makes SS17 regress and other news
Here's an update for you all on my step life. SS17 has for the past few years stated that he's going to make a living as a professional boxer. I have tried to convince him to go to college or think of a back up just in case but he won't hear of it and says that anything else will just take up his time and block him from following his dreams. He also felt that the high school he was in was too ghetto and convinced his mom to switch his schools. SO, head in the sand as usual, didn't find out until I found out in October (SS17 was complaining he didn't have clothing and I told him he should have at least a few uniforms and he says he no longer needs uniforms....etc etc).
Anyway, this kid is always with girlfriend on the weekends. Gf just got a job in a supermarket so of course she gets scheduled for the weekend. SS17 yesterday has the nerve to say "I'm going to hang out with Dad tonight, can you stay with DD1 and SS11?" Steptalk people, I was enraged! But I didn't show it. I said "of course, why not, I'll get a break". Mind you, SO had gotten home from the overnight shift yesterday morning and went sleep for a few hours. I took DD1 out like I always do so that he can get uninterrupted sleep and SS11 wanted to come out with us so I took him with me. I made sure he breakfast and lunch, we go home and SS17 wants to hang with dad alone? Lol, welcome to the club kid!
Anyhow, I then decide to tell SO in front of skid. "Hey you wanna hang out tonight just us 2? Ss17 volunteered to stay with kids." Then I laughed and told him the truth, that ss17 asked me to stay with kids so they can hang now that ss17s gf has a job. Ss17 says, "I didn't say that, I said I wanted to spend time with Dad".
The kid has straightened out a lot since having a gf but we still have these hiccups song the way.
The other thing happening is that now gf is allowed to hang out at BMs home and we found out that she has been innocently giving bm info she shouldn't have, like our whereabouts. We told SS17 to address it with gf but I want to address it also, because I know if it continues I will be the one to make the decision not to have her in my space. So how do I discuss this with her? I don't care if they talk but BM is high conflict and I have yet to have any encounters with her and I want to keep it that way.
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If I felt that skid genuinely
If I felt that skid genuinely wanted to spend time with parent, then maybe I would try to step back. My issue is that he's regressing back to the way he was when I first met SO: now because his girlfriend is working, and he needs to feel like someone is giving him attention he wants to be with Dad alone. To boot, he wanted ME to stay with SS11 while he goes to "hang out with Dad". I do enough during the week, if they want to hang out, SS11 should tag along or SO can get a sitter but SS17 does not need to ask me to stay with SS11 (and he didn't ask, he suggested it). The way he was asking to me it sounded like he wanted to mess with me, not like he truly wanted to be with his father but more like "my gf is at work, I'm bored, if I can get dad alone I'll have some attention." Doesn't work that way around here. We all want attention but I don't encourage SO to not be around his kids for the things I want. I'm tired of the entitled attitudes sometimes. And it's not a standalone issue, it's many things I don't have the time to go into, but yes, the entitled attitude that he's the first and his dad shouldn't have had more kids because it means he gets less.
As for the girlfriend thing, SO originally wanted to speak to her but I figure I communicate better than he does so I could explain to her why it brings conflict (BM has already sent SO messages telling him he needs to pay gf back after a boxing match of SS's, but the girl never even paid her way in). I think though that I will stay out of it and he can talk to her.
Sue I don't remember verbatim
Sue I don't remember verbatim and I have no reason at all to lie to you or anyone else here in cyberspace where you all don't know me. Again, if he had asked me and I felt he was being sincere I have no issues with that. I will always have an issue with someone trying to mess with me, and with needing to constantly have attention. He's been fine since he had a gf, but just cause his gf is working, we aren't all going to drop what we are doing and become divided because all of a sudden you want things to change for the day. The kid needs to learn how to be not the center of someone's attention sometimes.
FYI, my skids are actually not as bad as some I read about here, and yes I do care for them, but there are times when I don't like how they behave. Also I've encouraged SS17 to take a weekend from his gf to spend time with his father, and his response was "we don't have much in common"....most likely because he prefers gf to dad, which is fine. Except that now that gf has a job, don't sit there moping and trying to be an ass to mess with me.
Tone also counts for a lot in
Tone also counts for a lot in communication. Best for you to leave this one alone. I can take constructive criticism, but you're reminding me of crabs in a bucket.
You made me lmao On my way to
You made me lmao On my way to work.... I actually love steamed crab by the way
there's only one form of
there's only one form of crabs I do not like.... the rest is fine
Who cares if he wants
Who cares if he wants attention? He's a teenager and should be allowed some attention! Especially from his father. You should be grateful he sees his father as an outlet. It doesn't necessarily mean your SO is a replacement to SS's gf, it just means he enjoys being social. He's a teenager, cut him some slack, especially since he had been improving. You should be nurturing the idea of him wanting to spend time with a good role model, not discourage it. In the long wrong, if he becomes closer with his father this way you may be able to talk him into going to college.
I can understand your
I can understand your frustration. The way your SS phrased it sounds like how my SS would. He's not being direct and he's not asking you. He is instead trying to tell you what is going to happen. DH and also can't stand it when SS does this. I stay at home with DS1, so when DH is home that's my time to get a break. It's annoying to me when SS continues to repeatedly ask DH to play video games alone with him knowing full well that DH doesn't have the time. SD doesn't have this issue-she is happy going along with what the family is doing so she hangs out with me,DH, and DS. SS does not want to hang out with everyone and just wants to play with DH then complains and whines that his dad doesn't spend time with him.
Right! This is on point with
Right! This is on point with how I feel, don't TELL me, ask me.
seriously I would have
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: seriously I would have laughed at SS and tell him... NO I will not take the other children away, your father has 3 children and just because your GF is busy done not mean you can come and take my husband away from me and his other children, WHy don;t you find a job as well.... ,,,
Sorry if he wanted to talk to DH in private they could've slipped out side for an hour and deal with it, but his request was simply rude and bratty IMO.
Regarding the GF gossiping with BM - I will simply tell her, stop this now, BM is not part of this house hold and if I ever hear again you've been feeding BM info from this house you will not be allowed to enter this house again, understood little girl...
They actually did have alone
They actually did have alone time during the day. SO was fixing a leak in the bathroom and SS had plenty of alone time then. SS17 was off from school the day before, they also had some time then. I refuse to have a teenager tell me what to do, and also to babysit his brother so he can hang with Dad alone. I do that already Monday through Friday, weekends are my time off.
Then you simply should've
Then you simply should've laughed and told him dream on idiot.... dream on...