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stupid drama

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 2:16pm

bm called dh this morining to say that the daycare lady called her to say that ss was being picked up to late

umm ok weird, dh picked up ss from daycare last night and the lady said nothing to him....why is day care lady causing drama? why call bm and not discuss this with dh directly? bm was ice about it, and actually acted like she didnt understand because dh and day care lady had an arrangement...

keep in mind this is the same stupid day care lady that would not call cps when ss told her that bm's bf was "whipping" him with a belt when he was bad

dh call and asks why she is calling bm? what is the problem come to find out, she actually called bm because it was bm's bf who was picking ss up to late, which was not part of the arrangement. day care lady told bm that, and said it had nothing to do with dh.

so bm has been really well behaved...even invited me to go to ss's games on her Saturdays (could be anterior motives, but so far she hasnt asked to come on my weekends with ss)

i just dont get why she has to call dh and make up drama, or make up stories...supposedly she is so happy with her bf, and he seems to be more involved as well, but why does she freaking feel the need to call for every freaking little thing?! i want dh to say something, she has become relaxed about the court ordered call times, and even though she is behaving now, i dont want her to think it applies when she goes bonkers again.......also, dh has stopped calling ss at night when he is with bm, bm for the most part has stopped as well...recently though she calls, and then leaves a vm "hey its me, tell him i love him and ill call him tomorrow" well if your not going to talk to him, DONT CALL!! why leave a message, why call? why bother us, its not like dh EVER answers her calls, he always sends it to vm first! i want dh to tell her if she isnt wanting to talk to ss, DONT CALL...but i dont want to rock the boat either, its just that she is such a pain in the ass

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stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 2:23pm

Wilda likes to pull the daycare crap too. They have a meeting for parents every so often & it seems like she only goes so that she can make it look to BF like she's the best parent. A couple of months ago she texted him and said that he would have to call them if he was ever going to drop her off or pick her up from school. His response was "Why are you telling me this?" She said it was new rules from the daycare meeting. Um.... no. That's ALWAYS been the case, she just had to make it known that she went.

"i want dh to say something, she has become relaxed about the court ordered call times, and even though she is behaving now, i dont want her to think it applies when she goes bonkers again"

-------> This is the whole reason for boundaries, so that you can live in peace. That doesn't mean live in peace for a little while, let the boundaries go then start the cycle all over again. DH needs to firmly put them back into place & leave them there!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 2:31pm

i agree, and ive tried to mention it....dh actually does follow the boundaries...its bm that does not. when he needs to talk to her, he waits until its the court ordered times. its bm that calls and texts out side of those times...usually dh will not answer or respond until the correct time, and bm has gotten use to that, but now that things are all nice nice, she just picks up the phone any time she feels like it.

dh says that if we go back to court, bm's a big girl and knows the court order and if she continues not to follow it, it will only look bad against her. i agree and i get that we cant control her, even with a court order, but i just feel like "she really is THAT stupid" that dh needs to remind her of the times she is allowed to contact him, because she seems to think that as soon as things arent super dramaful she can call and do what ever the hell she wants and then that leads to more drama when we start feeling she is crossing boundaries..

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 2:40pm

You know what I would do then? I'd scan a copy of the agreement, use a free pdf annotating program (I'll send you a link if you want) and highlight whatever portion she's violating and then email it to her whenever she pulls this kind of stuff. Nothing else, just the agreement.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 3:06pm

OOOOhhh, me likes!

____________________________________________________________________

Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 03/17/2010 - 3:07pm

we dont email, and i think its better that way, because then bm doesnt think she can email whenever the heck she wants.

i just want dh to say "bm, things have been going really well lately, and i really feel that its had a great effect on ss. I hope things are going to continue like this. its really best for all of us, most of all ss. I do have one concern, and that is that you have started calling and texting outside of the court ordered times. I know that you are not calling with bad intentions, or to cause problems. However, i feel, to avoid problems in the future, we need to comply with the boundaries in the court order and continue to stick to the stated call times. A couple weeks back, we decided that the evening call time was not necessary, and you said that you were not going to call during that time either, unless there was something we needed to discuss. Recently, you have been calling and leaving messages, with no intention of talking to ss. i understand that you are not doing it to purposely be rude, but it is disruptive, so if you are not calling to speak to ss, please just dont call until the following morning. I hope by eliminating room for either of us to feel our boundaries are being crossed, or our time with ss is being interrupted things will continue to run smoothly"