Should have known too good to last
My DH has be fuming right now. And of course it involves lack of communication where YSS is concerned. This man can go into pain staking details about crap I have zero interest in but when it comes to giving me a heads up about changes in the visitation schedule, I am the last to know. And he swears EVERY time that he has told me, when he hasn’t.
Last week I was fortunate enough to get a whole week break from YSS. Again...not a bad kid. But DH was gone and working out of town most of the time so he didn’t come. Now DH could have gotten YSS last weekend because he wasn’t working out of town for the majority of the weekend but decided against it. Of course I was told last minute YSS wouldn’t be here.
This weekend coming is our kid free weekend. I planned according to that belief. DH just lays it on me that we will have YSS for the next two weekends to make up for the missed visit last weekend. Apparently this was the plan “all along” only I was never notified. When I expressed my fury over never being informed of the schedule, I get lied to and told “I remember discussing this with you”. BULLSHIT!
Never happened and I would bet my life in that. I made plans to do some big home improvements this weekend and had I known YSS would be here, I would have made other plans. But nope...DH can bore me to tears with useless and unwanted details about non step related matters yet always manages to spring any visitation changes on me last minute. And only after I get a gut feeling something is amiss and ask.
Screw DH....I have just decided I will be taking a few days off work and going out of town for a sanity break. I will inform DH as I am driving down the road. See how he likes being the last to know anything.
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We keep a big calendar in the kicthen
EVERYONE knows the rules, you put item at least a week ahead of time, or dont expect anyone else to help you accomdate it. I take a picture of every Sunday night. We had one offender, but it did not last long. Now, if a kid comes to us and say, heah, I just made team, can we work this out, we try. If stepkids ex calls him and says I am sick, we try to work with it (but if DH suspects she is faking, he asks her, can you mom take the kids).
I think a family calendar is
I think a family calendar is a good option here.. at a minimum work commitments... family commitments and significant things like trips can be planned.
but.. lucky OP.. she can now go ahead and plan a mini vacay for herself the next two weekends.
Enjoy your much deserved
Enjoy your much deserved getaway and as he calls while you're driving you can simply say " I remember discussing this with you, have a great weekend-toodles".
Very frustrating, indeed.
Very frustrating, indeed.
“I remember discussing this with you”.
My DH's line is (not about SD but other things), "I thought I did." Well, you thought wrong.
Grrrr I hate that! My DH
Grrrr I hate that! My DH used to do that to me all the time, finally I started asking him where we were when the conversations took place, he couldn't remember. Then I would ask him what we were doing and he couldn't remember. After that I would tell him if he couldn't remember those minor details then the discussion never happened.
While I like the idea of a
While I like the idea of a calendar, I have a feeling your DH's next line would be that he "forgot" to put in on the calendar, but you discussed it at length!
To avoid THAT caca, tell him you want it all in an email or text. Nothing in writing? "Hope you and SS have fun, DH. I distinctly remember discussing with you at length that I made alternate plans!"
Visitations
Im the only one who can put schedules in my iphone calendar I suppose.
Lukily SD13 is easy to get along with, but she somehow refuses to take initiative and put her parenting visitation schedule in her own phone. She is very smart, just not ready to be that mature I suppose.
For whatever reason I have her schedule in my brain. But lately Ive been slacking, because well its not my job.
However, DH has asked that we start recording what is actually HAPPENING so we have record. I told him that a VERY long time ago - document document document.
The bigger issue here isnt what was said/not said, its the fact that you were lied to, not informed and not included in any decision making that affects you. Thats one of my peeves, it has really upset me in the past, but as she has grown older I just accept the fact that I am not her parent, and I have jurisdiction over my home and what goes on there but no jurisdiction over munchkin's schedule as its stands.
You should just book yourself for things and let DH and everyone else adjust to YOU.
“I remember discussing this
“I remember discussing this with you”
Ah...a favourite line of DH as well - and one which drives me up the wall. I suspect it's back to the usual lack of balls: they know you're going to be pissed off so they have to work up courage to tell you. In delaying telling you they make it worse so that's why they pretend they already have so that the argument focus shifts to not being told, rather than the actual issue of skid coming/not coming.
Just ridiculous
One bad part is the fact I understand WHY YSS is coming and really would have not been upset if DH had told me. He didn’t see him last weekend so I get it. But to lie and say he told me (and he only conveniently does that when situations like this come up) and wait to the last second just pisses me off. YSS is old enough to fend for himself, but DH is being a douche by pulling this stunt so now I am livid.
And yes...I just got vacation approved starting tomorrow until next week. Suck it DH....I am sure I told you about my little get away. I guess you just forgot....mwaaahaaaahaaaaahaaa
Ye Olde
GASLIGHTING because somehow to beg forgiveness is easier than to ask permission.