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To CS or not to CS that is the ???

Shemadeinmyheart's picture

Submitted by Shemadeinmyheart on Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:03pm

Hello! This is my first post although I've read forever.

My dh and I have been together 12 years. He has two dd 15 & 17. Together we have twin DDs 3.

My dh used to have 50/50 custody until 2.5 years ago when SD17 started making up lies and stories. That's when SD17 went to live with her BM full time and SD15 has stayed with us full time.

We tried to have a relationship with SD17 but her games got to be to much do when she told DH to leave her alone we decide to.

BM has, on her own, not contacted SD15. We aren't 100% sure why. She just doesn't and we don't argue it. SD15 is a great kid and we think it's because she is no fun to BM and can't be used to hurt DH.

Here's the question.

SD17 graduates HS in June and turns 18 a few months later. Right now there is no child support changing hands. We haven't decided what to do when SD17 ages out. Do we try for CS? Or leave it alone as to not bring her back into SD15s life. BM is a liar and a manipulator. She will do anything in her power to PAS my SD15.

By the time older Sd ages out my SD15 will be sixteen. She won't have heard or seen her mom for 3 years. Can we be safe to say a judge won't make her visit if mom suddenly tries because of CS? Right now the C/O says any visitation is up to SD15.

Comments

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:15pm

In the state we deal with, CS and visitation are two Totally separate issues. They will not ever be heard together at the same court proceeding. Visitation doesn't influence how much CS is paid and visitation is not contingent upon paying. I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, you should look into it... But for us, it would mean BM would have to bring a whole different case to the court to modify the CO to make visitation Not at your SD's desire, she wouldn't be able to just tack it onto the CS case you bring. That does however, vary Wildly from state to state.

I would also think that at 16, with no contact for 3 years and a current CO that says SD decides, it's pretty unlikely that a judge would try to force visitation on her. I'm not familiar with the amount of pro-BM bias there may in your state and of all places family court is the Wild West of the system where anything can happen, so I suppose there some small chance. But I think it's fairly unlikely.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Tue, 03/18/2014 - 7:24am

Honestly at this point I would leave it. It seems like BM isn't a person you would even want to have around SD and if you force the CS line you can bet she is will force visitation. Let it go if you can swing it.

Shemadeinmyheart's picture

Submitted by Shemadeinmyheart on Tue, 03/18/2014 - 9:07am

Well we had heard she might move either out of state or 8 hours away. If she moves do you think we'd be safe or do you think there's a chance?

So unfair that these woman get away with so much. When dh had 50/50 with her he paid HER CS because he made more.

Sparklelady's picture

Submitted by Sparklelady on Tue, 03/18/2014 - 9:13am

I wish I could say that "fair" matters, but it doesn't. If the amount would be substantial (several hundred dollars per month) then you could go ahead and file, but I'd leave it to lawyers 100%. If the cost to you to have lawyers handle it can be recouped in one year of CS payments, then it's worth it. But if you can't make it back in one year, don't bother. You'll be driven crazy by forced contact with her, and really, that's an expense only you know!