Not sure what to do! Need advise.
I do not know what to do, nor have many people to talk to about this. For over a year my husband has been really insecure of himself and seems to be taking it out on me. I feel like at lest once a month it’s a broke recorded. He got so upset with me when I went out on Saturday asking me what time I came him. I told him around 2:15 2:30 and he was like the bars close at 2. I told him we had to walk to back to the car and that he could call my friend whom I was hanging out with. He then stated that I do not pay attention to my surroundings and that he was upset on the outfit I wore. That I could of gotten kidnapped or someone could of drugged me and rapped me. That most of the time my friends are not even paying attention.
He does not feel loved from me and thinks I am going to leave him because I do not find him attractive. I tell him all the time that I think he is sexy and that I am so lucky. I feel that it has gotten worst ever since his daughter moved in with his ex. She hardly ever come over anymore nor does he force her to. When she is suppose to come over, there is always an excuse as to why she can not come over. Then I get the not so nice DH. I told him so many times to talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. He has once before and yet she does not care.
He texted me today stating he wants to talk again tonight… I am sure it’s the same old shit and honestly not sure if I want to deal with it nor know how to because it’s the same shit. He feels unloved due to his own insecurities, he feels unwanted by me and his daughter. I feel like if we do not have sex every day then he thinks I do not want him or love him. Not to be TMI but we do about once or twice a week. He states my actions speak louder then my words. I show him that I love him and maybe I might not be as affection as he wants, but that has always been me. I truly love this man and one of the many reasons why I married him. Not sure what to do. He gets so mad and angry like smashing things and screaming. I have suggested for him to go to counseling and he has only went one time… that was a few months ago. Any advise as to how I should go about this convo we are going to have this evening?
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Comments
Ughhhh... hate when people
Ughhhh... hate when people take their own insecurities out on others!
It is worrisome that he is becoming abusive in language and action when he gets upset. It sounds like his reactions are way out of line with the reality of the situation. If all else in your life with him is fairly rosy.. I would advocate counseling. If you feel this is more of a case of a leopard showing you his true spots.. and the balance of your relationship and life is less than fulfilling... I might not be inclined to fight to keep it together.
Thank you that makes sense. I
Thank you that makes sense. I was planing on suggesting couples counseling. We have been together for ten years and it's like the past two yeas has been like this just getting worse and worse. One step at a time and go from there.
My DH went through a period
My DH went through a period of severe insecurity as well. He was just sure I was going to leave him for someone taller, younger, better looking, richer, ... etc. He was also super jealous of a couple of boyfriends that I dated between my divorce from exH and dating DH.
I got absolutely fed up. There was no basis in reality of either my leaving him, or my interest in the old boyfriends. I basically told him that, and if he continued to obsess over it, he'd have to have to figure out how to deal with it. Heck, I never even thought about those guys until HE brought them up. It was crazy, but there was no amount of reassurance on my part that made any difference. This was HIS problem to solve, not mine.
My DH finally did go see a counselor. It was for a different primary reason, but this was wrapped in there too. Now, he never talks about me leaving him, except jokingly, and he rarely brings up the old boyfriends.
There is just nothing you can do when you're dealing with something irrational like this. You have to create your own boundaries, with consequences. Unless you have a history of being untrustworthy, it's HIS problem if he continues to dwell on your imaginary behavior.
Finally, has he been evaluated for depression and anxiety? Once my DH got that under control and had help from his counselor, he was able to let go of his irrational obsessions.