I truly love my SS, but don't always like him...
Like so many other comments I've read on this website, I too am extatic to find that not only am I not alone, I am not a monster. I am "common law married" to a man I have been in a relationship with for the past six years. He was married before and has no desire to do it again. Being the free spirit he is, he always thought marriage was unnecessary, and after his ex-wife burned him (badly), his suspisions were confirmed. Me? I'm indifferent. I don't have to be married, I just want a child of my own, because, let's face it, being the "stepmonster" is just not the same.
I have known my SS since he was 4. He is now 10 and we have been through a lot together. I love him, for the most part he is a good kid, but I don't always like him. He is with his BM the same amount of time he is with us. His BM isn't Mother of the Year, but she isn't a complete dead beat either. She and her family provide food/shelter/clothes for him, because they are all doing quite well financially. As a matter of fact, it has been held over our heads that they are better caregivers because they can afford to buy him five pairs of shoes a month, but does being able to buy a kid STUFF equate to being a great parent??
My SS has some social behavior issues. Aside from being a little OCD he has also shown signs of having either ADD or ADHD...neither has been proven but it makes for a very tough homelife for everyone involved. I try my best to show compassion ,and while I have plenty of patience where schoolwork is involved, I don't have much patience where respect is involved. Correct me if I'm wrong, but having L.D. is no excuse to treat your elders with complete disrespect.
I was raised in a strict environment where kids treated elders with respect. Have things totally changed? My man has a little more liberal aspect than I do...if I hear "He's only 10" one more time I'm gonna scream!!
Do I need to chalk things up to his LD and just stay out of the way? Or do I make a stand and not tolerate his lip?? Do I stay out of the way and just let his dad take the reigns? Needless to say I am so glad to have come across this website, it's nice to know I'm not alone! Thanks for letting me vent.
- SarahM.'s blog
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A lot of us who have our
A lot of us who have our SKIDS every other weekend, find it easier to disengage and let our partners do the parenting - more info on this: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
However, it is harder to disengage if you have custody for a considerable amount of time, or full time. Whether or not you are disengaged, your SKID should not be rude or say disrespectful things to you, whether they are 3, 10 or 17. "He's only 10" is ridiculous.
The other big area where people have problems is that their partner is not on the same page as them, regarding discipline and policies about child rearing. Your partner should understand if he wants to raise a future adult who is obnoxious and unlikeable, he is going the right way about it, and he is not doing his son any favours by ignoring his bad behaviour. A lot of part time fathers do this because they are scared of alienating the child, but ultimately it does not work. Try and get your partner to see that you and he should collaborate to provide firm and consistent parenting, and that if the boy's bio mom does it differently, that's up to her, but in your house, he must respect you.
OMG, I am so tired of that
OMG, :sick: I am so tired of that comment too, "Their only ..... That is such complete bullsh*t! Why is it so hard to give somebody what you want yourself? I am just like you, I hate the disrespectful attitude the most out of everything my SD does!!!!!