Our case took 9 months from filing until BM to conceded the night before the first real trial date. That was April and we still didn't get the final paperwork til JUNE. DH therefore overpaid CS, and even though BM conceded, it wouldn't show up in docket form til that final paperwork was processed. At least CS did put it in an account, rather than pay it out to BM, until they received a new order. But they paid us back the same way you receive it, a partial amount every two weeks. That made no sense to me, but hey- we eventually got everything back past BM's concession date.

Over the 9 months we had many, many, many, and TOO MANY pretrial dates. Those really SUCK. You have to go and sit for an hour or two in a family court waiting room, with BM trying to avoid eye contact with you, or glaring at you, or in some cases I saw (not ours) talking loudly to other people about their ex, as if we were all members of a jury.

Then our lawyers, GAL and judge were the only ones who met, and we continued to wait for them. They would then come out and give us our next order- more mediation, more counseling, etc, and set another PREtrial date. We couldn't even go back and hear what they were talking about. You must be there every time, miss work, never knowing if you'll even get to go back or not. That was very stressful. Plus SPs are not always allowed back to the court room anyway, so I would get a sitter for BD (then still a baby I was nursing) every time just in case we were called back, not even knowing if that would mean I would be allowed to go back.

And I would ask your attorney that question, about whether you are allowed to go back. I still felt I should be there to support DH, and it was kinda nice because BM didn't bring any of her "friends" and had to sit there miserably alone. Just prepare yourself that SPs are not always treated as having any place in the proceedings by a lot of people in the court system. That was my biggest frustration. And if I had known and prepared myself better it may have not bothered me as much. The GAL was great to me, largely b/c the psychologist was a very supportive and very impressed with my treatment and then connection with SD. My attorney said the GAL could request I be allowed back to the judge, and he MAY have honored her suggestion and let me. But I never knew going in.

Since you two aren't married yet, you may be given even less respect. I think that's ridiculous, as you are a SM in my book, but I had no idea til going through it that the court behaves with such bias at times.

Pace yourself NS...yes it could be a year. Even if BM doesn't get dirty and fight back. B/c our BM didn't. It took 9 mos simply for us to take each baby step the court gave us, until BM finally gave up. If she would have played games and tried to manipulate the system, I could see us STILL fighting it now.

BEST of LUCK!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

ours was very factual. but the GAL didnt care...he took a look at it briefly and said "this is what u have to deal w bc u had a kid w her. and whatever she puts u thru is worth it bc SD's life is more important than ur own happiness." almost verbatim.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I brought mine unedited just to tell him some things from them - like notes. He asked if he could keep it and I hesitated telling him, "I haven't edited out my frustration and judgment yet, can I email it to you?" He said, "I don't need it edited, it won't leave my possession. I will just use the facts from it."

He is your attorney and bound by client confidentiality. If he quoted you from that log, something other than pure facts of events, he could be disbarred.

So I wouldn't worry yourself over the editing of that in particular.

I edited all emotions out of anything I sent to the GAL, mediator, counselor. I may have told them some of my feelings face to face (can't edit EVERYTHING) but I was as careful as possible of how anything might sound. I used to pretend SD was in the room, even when she wasn't, and that was a really good tactic to bite my tongue.

I think that a rare slip up emotionally in front of them, is not as worrisome as putting something in writing they can quote you on. Because counselors, mediators, and GALs are mandated reporters and thereby NOT bound by confidence. Though the GAL didn't write anything SD said about us or BM in any reports, always stating, "The rest of the conversation has been edited for protection of the minor child's privacy."

Of course BM told SD that the GAL told her everything SD said to her, which SD told the psychologist, and was the final nail in BM's custody coffin in the GALs eyes. It was obvious that BM was trying to alienate SD not just from us, but from the unbiased professionals only looking at SD's best interests.

BM just couldn't control herself. As DH said, it's easier to win when you have a willing enemy.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra