We always say, "In intact families'...
I posted this blog on the main website, but I figured I'd post it here too, because I think it's relevant for adult stepkids and their stepparents too:
I know we always say, "In intact families..." when talking about how children wouldn't get away with talking rudely to their elders, and how dad would support mom if she punished the kid(s) for being rude to her, how all kids have to follow the house rules, and how, in some families, the kids have discussions with their parents with both parents present.
However, don't intact families have their problems too? Don't mom and dad have disagreements on parenting? Don't some kids and parents have the arrangement where they sometimes just go to, say, dad to talk about something because they feel dad will handle it better, and maybe not lose their cool on them? Don't a lot of parents spend one-on-one time with each of their kids, even when said kids are adults?
Anon, I'm in an intact
Anon, I'm in an intact family, my step is nephew CTBB, I've been married 29 years 3 kids Perfectson22,DD#1-19 and DD#2-12.We don't have a lot of the issues that are discussed here (we did when CTBB was growing up!)but we do occasionally fight about parenting. Our styles are different. But we do have each other's backs and it doesn't get to the agonizing levels that I read about here, when we do have a problem w/ one of the kids. That being said tho, we have 3 great kids. Even CTBB33 turned out pretty good, eventually!
p.s.- and we do have one on
p.s.- and we do have one on one quite often-the girls love to get me all to themselves! And Perfectson & DH are obsessed with football. And I mean OBSESSED. From high school to the pros!
Yes, intact families do have
Yes, intact families do have these issues. However, when mom and dad disagree on parenting they can either yell and scream at each other or try to resolve it together...and no matter what, most OUTSIDERS do not interfere. Most parents do talk to each other about major decisions. Some parents do NOT cooperate with one another and they end up DIVORCED! And when they divorce of course, the courts and everyone says "it is NOT the kid's fault"... lol Really? Yes, many times it is...not directly their fault that the parents divorced, but their actions and the differences because of the parenting CAN and DOES cause divorce.
As far as spending one on one, yes, some parents do that. I go shopping with my mom sometimes...but NOT because my dad isn't invited, but because he would rather do something else.
That's the difference. In an intact family, even a parent/child that did something on their own, etc...would never STOP the other parent from attending any event, outing, etc...in step-families, it seems that is allowed.