Mind Games Revisited
What is it about you that makes me act like this? -P!nk
I remember when I first visited this site, seeing titles like: CAN'T GET BM OUT OF MY HEAD! Now I know what they mean...
It's been three day's since I emailed Mikayla's BM and still I haven't heard anything back. Knowing my EX, she's not a traveler, a partier, or busy by any stretch of the imagination. So I assume she's waiting..maybe to think of something to say, maybe to mess with my head. Mikayla's at her drill weekend for the National Guard, so I won't here from her until tomorrow probably.
But since I wrote a few days ago, the fact that my EX hasn't written back is getting into my head. I check my email way too often (it's actually open as I write this, in case it comes in), I double-checked the address to make sure it was sent to the correct email address, I've even started to second-guess the words of my initial email -wondering if I appeared too forceful or abrasive.
What the hell is wrong with me!?
Even if she sent an email just to tell me how much she hates me, that would at least open up a line of communication. Hate I can handle. Patience is not one of my virtues.
So I sit and wait, waiting through what feels like a huge mind game - games my EX and I used to play when we were breaking up.
Hope everyone's haveing a better Sunday than me.
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Comments
LOL! Santiago, yes -- this
LOL! Santiago, yes -- this refusal to respond thing is classic -- it's a control tactic. You have come to her with a request. She senses that she has some sort of power. And responding to you would lessen the control she has a little bit.
If I had to guess, I'd say you either will get no response at all, or you will get something in about a week-10 days that is super-condescending and dismissive, telling you in no uncertain terms that you have no right to be in HER daughter's life.
Honestly, you tried. If I were you, I would move on. Because you have what you want -- a relationship with Mikayla. She's an adult now, and she has indicated to you that she thinks of you as her dad. Your ex wants to believe that she has the control, and that she gets to decide. But she doesn't. The decision is Mikayla's. My advice: Forget about the fact that you sent the letter. Forget about expecting a response. If Mikayla asks, just tell her, "Well, I wrote your mom an email, and she never responded, so I guess that's that." And move on. That's the easiest way to remove your ex from the situation. Because if she is trying to figure out a way to control this, she will only be a destructive force between you and your daughter. Your relationship with your daughter is just that: the relationship between the two of you. Not the three of you. Not anymore.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
It's scare AND funny the way
It's scare AND funny the way that you already know what's going to happen! I can only guess you've already gone through this scenario.
Thanks a lot for the advice. Seriously, it helps!
Blog: In My Daughter's Eyes
Um, yes. We have definitely
Um, yes. We have definitely been there. And not only that, but soooo many of the people on here have told stories that show their BMs engage in the same type of behavior. So often, when I read their posts, I think, "Wow, their BM acts exactly like the one we deal with."
Glad to help. Remember. You made the gesture. But having a relationship with BM is not necessary at this point. And don't let her make you believe it is. If Mikayla wants you to be her dad, that's all that matters.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
You make a good point. When
You make a good point. When is saw the words "didn't you walk out," all I could think of was: "If you only knew!" But you don't; so I see your point.
Perhaps that'll be my next writing project. It's been helpful to type things out.
Blog: In My Daughter's Eyes
My father got fed up with my
My father got fed up with my mother's drama and walked out. he kept up visitation with me for a short while but eventually she drove him off with that too. i met him when I was 18 and honestly it was the worst experience ever. he left my mother...then me and had his own reasons but it didn't matter how good the reasons were, my mother NEVER wanted to see his face,receive an email, or contact him EVER AGAIN.
That's just experience from my life though about men walking out on a woman and her child...
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We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ~Anaïs Nin
I'm sure you probably wrote
I'm sure you probably wrote this before, but how long has it been since you were in your SD and her mother's life?
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
January 9, 2007. I'm writing
January 9, 2007. I'm writing out the backstory now.
Blog: In My Daughter's Eyes
I just read your past blogs
I just read your past blogs to get a better understanding. Your SD was 15 when you exited her life. It has been over 3 years now. I'm pretty sure that both your Ex and your SD had completely moved on with their lives. Three years in a young girl's life is a very long time.
If I were your Ex, I would be nervous about you contacting my daughter. I would honestly wonder what your intentions were. I'm sure you miss her, but why not just let them be?
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Steve, 4 years is a very
Steve, 4 years is a very long time in a young girl's life. There are so many changes between the ages of 15 and 19 - a child becomes a young adult, she would be a completely different person.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I understand both your
I understand both your points, and perhaps some clarification might help:
1. I hadn't planned anything for her 18th birthday. MSN has these "Profiles" to compete with Facebook, and last year her Profile sent out an alert for her 18th. I logged into my email...there it was.
2. The email I chose to send was what I felt the "responsible" thing to do...which can be seen at the bottom of this blog. I expected never to hear from her again, and live the with consequences of my decisions.
3. Kayla responded, after one year, happy to have heard from me and apologizing for taking so long to get back, wanting to hear from me again.
4. Since then, we've been exchanging emails, emails where I've tried to apologize and where she, after everything that's happened, tells me I'm the only person who tried to be a father figure in her life. Any involvement in her life is because of her decision, and I was happy to know that she told her mom that we were communicating again.
And this is where things stand. Do I deserve to be considered a father figure or receive emails that say:
I love you and miss you, Dad? Probably not...at least I don't think so. But if this what she's seeking and she's an adult now, am I a bigger jacka** for trying to re-establish a connection, or by ignoring Mikayla? Which is more hurtful? If there's an easy answer, I haven't found it. I pray for an easy way to make this all work; I don't think any easy way exists tho.All I can do is see what others, like all of you, are doing and try my best to go from there.
Blog: In My Daughter's Eyes