I'm going through a similar problem. I have my three kids with me 24/7 with no help from their father, and then his two kids come over every other weekend faithfully. I have to admit, as selfish as it sounds, I do get resentful of the fact that he has his kids and the whole weekend has to revolve around them. It's like our lives are turned upside down, and it's a relief when they finally go home. I've never been attached to kids that are not my own, I'm not much of a kid person, and I would have never considered dating a single dad until now. I guess love just blinds you to the realities of blended family bliss. I thought I could handle this, but these feelings that are coming out of me make me feel just awful. I never in a million years thought that part of the package of a blended family would include feelings of loneliness and jealousy. I think it would have helped if my ex was still in our lives. Maybe then BF would know how it feels to have to hear her call all day long and his kids need this, and his kids need that. If my ex was to call me for every stupid thing, he would go to the moon, that man is so jealous! I burned all my bridges when I met him. I only have 1 girlfriend, and any guy I ever talked to is long gone. It just doesn't seem fair that I'm supposed to accept his relationship with another woman "because she's the mother of his children," and I'm just supposed to sit at home all happy and alone while he is running around being dad of the year.

So, in short, your feelings are selfish, but a lot of us have them. The question is can we deal with them? That's my big question now...It's tough, because my kids are in a great spot right now. They have a nice home and a great man in their lives. I feel like I've been grounded this long, why not ground myself for the next 10+ years? I feel grounded and trapped sometimes. I wish I had some answers. Just wanted you to know you are commissurating with me and I definitely feel you.

i would discuss your feelings w/your husband and tell him the truth. can someone else babysit his daughter? can that be arranged? do you have family members or does he have family members to ask for help? when my ss came into my life, i was hands off approach to caring for this child. i was not comfortable w/discipling this child or being involved in his everyday life. i just didn't want to deal with it. i know his mother asks him how was his visit and blah blah everytime. my husband got the clue so he took care of his own son and i focused on my own child. i have enough duties/stress as it is. take it easy especially you are expecting, i'm expecting too, i'm 14 weeks.

-happy mom

I think, only my opinion, that you are not beig selfish; perhaps you just have some adjusting time. I think you should talk to finace, however it will probably hurt his feelings since he has taken to your daughter like it was his own. His daughter will be older soon and you won't have those issues. Think of his daughter as an extension of your fiance', she is a part of him...just take time to fall in love with her! She's a baby! Also if your child's father gets someone in his life that will be around your daughter....you would want her to love her and treat her as if she was her own, right?

You're NOT being selfish. Selfish would be to bottle this up and take it out on the baby, or your own DD. You are trying to seek advice and that's great! Don't beat yourself up for having TOTALLY normal feelings about a tough situation.

One of the things that I cannot stand about being in a blended family is the intolerance of others when it comes to my venting. If I hear "You knew what you were getting into" one more time, I will go nuts. The reality of these situations is SO much more intense than what your mind will let you imagine when the planning stage is underway. It's *so* hard to adjust to life with another person's child, ex, baggage, etc. and then to have to be the main caretaker of that child...it must be so tough. I don't know if I could do it.

My question would be this...what would happen to SD if you weren't in the picture? What would DF do with her for his 2 weeks? If you were not there to care for her or work to pay for her daycare, then how would DF handle the situation? Is the custody based on your being together, or was he getting 2 weeks prior to your helping him out?

I guess I am asking because it seems like you are putting all of the responsibility on yourself and it shouldn't be that way. I realize that you and DF are a team, but at the end of the day, this IS his child, and he needs to be in the driver's seat.

A lot of BMs would NOT go for the SM caring for the child as much as you do, so in some ways you are lucky on that front. To me, it seems like you are not completely IN this relationship and so you are unable to make the connection with this baby that might allow you to feel more maternal toward her wants and needs. If she was your bio...and she had the restrictions that she does, how would you handle that? Would you feel resentment? How would you explain it to your other child? What kinds of things would you do to ensure that all the needs of your kids were met?

There is a lot to think about but you are on the right track in evaluation everything before the big step. I don't know your beliefs, but I just want to say that you do have options with your pregnancy. If I were you, I would think long and hard about what I wanted for me and DD before making any further life-altering decisions. Once you are married and have a child with this man, your options will be changed.

GOOD LUCK!
Krissy