Please somebody tell me that this is all a bad dream!!!
BM #2 (mother of 11 month old SD) lives in a different state. She is approximately 800 miles away. I have had issues with her even at that distance in the past, the biggest being that I am having a hard time accepting that she will be a part of my life because of the child. I love my SD dearly..her mother...not so much. In any case, we live in a state that requires a 1 year separation before being able to file for divorce. BF is able to file in April and plans to do so. Yesterday, we found out that BM is moving to our city. Ok, so when is this happening??? You guessed it...in 3 weeks. Right before BF is able to file for divorce. I am not certain, but I have this feeling that she is going to somehow get in the way of the proceedings. So,I know that in a sense this will make things easier considering they have 50/50 custody. SD will have the chance to see her dad more often. But I am having serious issues with this. I am aready LIVID about the contact he has with her while she is 800 miles away. I can only imagine what life will be like when she is less than 30 minutes away! I know this is a good thing for SD and BF as far as being close but I don't know how to handle this. It's like my life is about to be blown apart in 3 weeks. I keep tellng myself that I can get through this...but I am physically sick like can't eat, chest pain from anxiety, upset stomach. This is not going to end happily for me I can just feel it.
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Hey Fearless
I guess I am jealous of the fact that they have a child together. And all the "family" things they will do now that they are so close. When BM#2 first moved away, BF went to visit his daughter and came back with family photos and video of the family day at the park. This "family" was BF, BM #2 of SD, and BF son (5 years) from another relationship. Needless to say I was not invited to join BF on his trip. So, with her being so close I can forsee these things occuring like every or at least every other weekend. I have a daughter (6 years) from a previous marriage and my ex and I DO NOT do things like this. Actually, we stopped doing that kind of stuff when I met my current BF. Its like how are WE supposed to be a family when apparently he already has one? Since she has been gone though at least I don't have to deal with it constantly....now I will. As far as the communication goes, it doesn't bother me so much that they talk about SD, they have to as she is 11 months old. They also discuss one anothers relationships such as giving advice and telling stories. I guess what bothers me about the communication is the whole BFF crap. So, because of the BFF crap I guess I expect him to wake up and say "What have I done" meaning to his BFF and his daughter. So I am jealous, worried, threatened...etc..She also has no problem being involved in our realtionship...probably loves it knowing how much I so not want her involved with me. So,its like how is it even possible for me and him to be together with this "monkey" on our backs constantly? Those are my main concerns.
Wake up!
Sorry, no dream, just reality.
I can understand your concern... my life improved CONSIDERABLY when we moved 14 hours away from BM and the skids, at least from a dealing-with-BM standpoint. But being so far apart from the skids had been a whole new nightmare for us. We're supposed to be moving back next year, which I know will just reintroduce BM problems back into our life, but I've found that whatever happens, we'll deal with it some way or another and so will you, my friend.
You just have to be strong and try to be positive. The best advice I can give you is to get a good lawyer, make sure you have a good parenting plan in place, make sure you set solid boundaries that allow you to enjoy the child while keeping BM at a reasonable distance and then STICK TO THE PROGRAM, no matter what. And like Fearless the Great says, you've got us and, believe me, you'll find your situation much easier to handle if you dump your gripes on us first!
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)