I think you are over-reacting.. just a bit. For several reasons.. we're talking a kiss on the cheek.. it's not like he was french kissing her.. and he didn't sleep with her.. and secondly, I get the impression that this happened a long time ago..

I would let this go. I would move yourself back into the room, and appologise. If you're that insecure (and really you do seem to be).. why not instead talk to him about it. Tell him how that whole trip made you feel.. how you spent the money on it, and then he chose to spend the time with his ex instead of allowing you to be the adult female of that family time. Recognize for yourself though that this was a transition moment for him.. a time to order divorce docs and to really say goodbye to his old life. He may have needed that time. it doesn't diminish your feelings, but maybe you can try to understand a bit.

Good luck!
Stepup

over-reacting on this one...I know I'd be upset but I'd let this one go, just explain to him how everything makes you feel and let him know how he can make you feel more secure.

I think a lot of the anger you feel right now isn't just about the kiss but about everything else and that's just the straw that broke the camels back. Just talk to him about it, all of it. Trust me keeping things inside isn't a good idea. That's what caused World War III at my place yesterday

I think you really have to look at these four things... the place, the occasion, the type of kiss and the intent.

Did it occur in a public place and/or with others bearing witness? If he were "cheating," then he probably wouldn't do it out in the open, unless it were an innocent gesture. If it were in a dark room, candles blazing, soft music playing, etc., well, that's different than in a restaurant at lunchtime.

The occasion was, like stepup said, a transitional moment when he was saying goodbye to an old life and just embarking on a new one with you. Hell, he may have just been in a good mood, happy to be rid of her and it was nothing more than a gesture of goodwill. If the kiss came after hours of begging her to come back or vice versa, that would put a different slant on things, but that's not what happened, is it?

It was a peck on the cheek, which is still a kiss, but as long as his tongue wasn't down her throat and he wasn't groping her madly, then maybe that's all it was... just a peck on the cheek with nothing else under the surface. He never had sex with her, he only kissed her the one time and it wasn't a "real" kiss. I think that matters.

Most importantly, what was his intent with the kiss? Because it seems to me that if his intent was to win her back, there would've been more than just a peck involved. And if there were anything between them, he wouldn't have continued to build a life with YOU, now, would he?! Here's the big one... IF HE REALLY WERE CHEATING, THEN HE SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T HAVE ADMITTED IT TO YOU!

I think you definitely have a reason to be upset. I would be, probably most of us would be. True, it was early in your relationship, but if you're providing him with that kind of money to see his child, then it wasn't THAT early and he certainly shouldn't be kissing his ex during the visit. But it wasn't a real kiss, it wasn't a passionate kiss, it wasn't a reconciliation kiss, it was just a peck. Keep in mind that men (sorry, Steve, SBD, et al) can really be dense and sometimes they just don't see things the same way we do. If he thought he were doing something that would upset you, he never would have told you about it, because it's not like you could have found out any other way.

I think you have to do two things... forgive him for being a dumb ox and then ask him to forgive you for letting your insecurity get the better of you. And I'll also tell you what I told someone else recently... you have to look at your entire history with this man, all your feelings for him, all his feelings for you, the life you have together and ask yourself if this really is a deal-breaker. If not for this one thing, would you stay with him? Is this one thing worth losing him over or is it something you can let go? Talk to him and work it out!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

I read the first few and started skimming. The main point that I would like to make here is that you explain to your husband that kissing any ex, on the cheek or otherwise, is not acceptable to you from this point on. You can't change what's happened, but you certainly can tell him what kind of behavior you expect from him in the future. If them having lunch makes you uncomfortable, tell him. I've never heard of people celebrating their divorce via lunch before, but to each his own, I guess. But, people don't have to have lunch to discuss their children, so from this point on, if it makes you uncomfortable, there's no reason for it anyway, so tell him it's unacceptable.

Good luck, and sorry if I'm a little off base here.

The ladies above covered everything.
Please take a deep breathe and move forward.
Best wishes, Jo