Imagination and lack of
I have been thinking about this for a couple of days, comparing and contrasting the behavior of BS3 and SD8 when she was BS's age. The differences are amazing.
Background: I met DW when SD was 2, just about to turn 3. Due to her divorce and some bad decisions, DW was not doing well financially. Because of that, she and BioDad had agreed that DW's mother would watch SD during the day. Now, DW's mother is very nice but she is a sterotypical grandmother - the kids never do anything wrong, she gives them whatever they want, and there is no discipline at all. Added to that, all SD did while spending those years from 1-4 at grandma's house during the day was watch TV. All day long. I think this has had a drastic negative effect on SD's development.
From when I first met her I always noticed that she never played "pretend." We'd play a pretend game with her at 3 and it would last 10 seconds before she moved on to something else. Contrasted with BS3 who has been in daycare since 1.5 during the day, and it is night and day. BS LOVES to play imagination games. He'll watch some TV but he'd rather play with us or SD8. SD8 still just wants to plant herself in front of the TV or video games. The other night while doing her homework, it was apparent SD8 was not reading the directions. After lots of complaining I told her that it helps if you imagine yourself doing what they are asking for in the directions (like placing counting stones in a line). SD's response was "I don't know how!" I asked her what she meant and she said: "I don't know how to imagine!" I don't know if that meant in general, or in this particular instance.
I think the crux of the problem is that the constant TV barrage when she was a kid sort of "turned off" that portion of her that learned how to pretend. She currently has little to no imagination, and even when BS3 is trying to play with her I can see her struggling to fantasize. I suspect that grandma waiting on her hand and foot also contributed to the problem.
Maybe I'm imagining it, and I realize all kids are different... but it really is shocking how much more BS3 wants to play pretend. I don't ever remember doing that with SD at this age.
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I don't think it is just that
I don't think it is just that generation that is getting ruined. Mine as well - I got a nintendo when I was 10, and even before that had an atari. I think kids are just bombarded with that stuff now.
I work in Technology, so I can see its benefits. But there are some serious drawbacks that it will be interesting to see how we, as a species, deal with as we grow.
This is why so many kids
This is why so many kids can't entertain themselves anymore. If they're not sitting in front of a box that lights up and makes noise, they don't know what to do. I remember handing exSS (then 7 or
a box of craft supplies. He stared at it for a full minute, started crying, and whined, "What am I supposed to do with thiiiiiiiiis?"
And Rutherford is right: social media is destroying social skills. People don't know how to interact face to face anymore. They don't know how to interpret facial expressions and body language. So many kids are referred to me because they may have Autism. A few do, but most just can't read social cues because they've never had to. It's horrifying.
Very true. I see this in SD.
Very true. I see this in SD. She doesn't have many friends, and the ones that she does she tends to alienate very quickly. She gets upset that people don't like her, and she's very outgoing - she just can't "connect."
I see what you're saying and
I see what you're saying and I think you could be right.
I met a girl in a "Baby and Me" class last year when I was on mat leave who sticks her little boy (16 months) in his high chair and parks it in front of the TV for extended periods of time. She claims his favourite movie is Rio - my DD is the same age and doesn't have a favourite movie because, well, she's 16 months old!
I'm glad my DD is in daycare for that reason. Like your BS, she is exposed to so many more things. She can grow her imagination and learn to socialize from this young age.
When SD6 visits us, her favourite thing to do is play on the iPad or computer and complains when we tell her to do anything else. She can't even go to the grocery store without asking to play on my husband's phone.
I don't have a problem with
I don't have a problem with "some" TV. BS3 is at preschool all day and comes home. Most of the time it's "Play with me Daddy!" But sometimes he wants to watch a movie, and I let him. I figure it's a good downtime for an hour or so.
SD is completely, utterly lost when there isn't a screen in front of her. She just doesn't know how to play. She was grounded and wasn't allowed to watch TV or play video games. So she starts with... "Well, can I play on your phone?" No. "Can I play on the Kindle?" No. "Can I play cool math games on the computer?" No. "Can I play on my leapfrog?" No. "It's not faaaaiiir. I'm so BORED!"
DW and I actually decided this weekend that SD's punishment are now going to include labor, because she's always "so bored." She'll be weeding the garden, cleaning the litter box, etc. in addition to the no electronics rule.
Well I try not to worry about
Well I try not to worry about SD because "not my kid, not my problem." But I don't want her imparting any of her laziness or lack of drive to BS3.
SD's father is incredibly lazy and is all about what is in it for him. SD is the same way, and DW has actually told me that she hates that SD is so much like her father in that respect.
You can teach her to imagine.
You can teach her to imagine. Read her a really good book. For an 8 year old I would suggest 'Island of the Blue Dolphins', 'The Boxcar Children', or 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.' These are chapter books so just read 1 chapter a day. After you are done with that chapter ask her what she would do if she was in that situation. Encourage her to think fantastical thoughts. With just a little prodding she will get it. And maybe she will learn to love books as well.
She reads books every night
She reads books every night (and we read to her as well), but to her it is just an exercise. One night we may read one chapter of "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe," but the next night she wants to read something else. She would never finish a book if we didn't force her to complete one before she starts a new one.
Usually she just complains about wanting to read something else the entire time. We've tried asking questions after reading and we got "This isn't school! I don't want to answer questions!"
Oh, and the only thing she
Oh, and the only thing she really WANTS to read are comic books. Which we have none of, but unsurprisingly her father has thousands.
That is utterly heart
That is utterly heart breaking. I'm sorry, I wish I had advice for you. You have been given some good advice by the other ladies though.