It was our week with SD8 this week, and it wasn't without its moments - but it was relatively quiet during the week. Then the weekend rolled around and SD8 was terrible and extremely mouthy - to the point DW lost it.

First, some background. We have SD8 EOW. The transitions take place on Sunday at 5pm every week - since February. We (DW) always takes SD8 back to her father's house at that time, or else he picks her up. Last weekend BioDad decided to schedule one of his "appointments" during Sunday afternoon in some other city, so he called DW and asked if he could bring SD8 early. DW was fine with it, I was fine with it, so she says yes. In the background SD8 is yelling that she doesn't want to come to our house because "they always go grocery shopping!" "Can't they just pick me up after they are done at the store?" (That would mean leaving SD8 alone at her Dad's house, which isn't going to happen). Anyway, BioDad drops off SD at our house at 8am, and she is crying when she gets in the door. I only caught snippets of the conversation but basically SD was blaming my DW for having to come to our house early. "It's not fair" was said a lot. However, DW stood her ground and told Sd8 in no uncertain terms that this was BioDad's doing, we had nothing to do with it. This was in front of BioDad, AND HE EVEN CONFIRMED IT TO SD8! He said to SD8 "I've told you that several times. I am bringing you here because I have to work. Your mom did not tell me to bring you over early."

I don't know what was going on in SD8's head because she just refused to believe that it was BioDad's choices that brought her here. She was miserable the rest of the day and kept making comments to us about how unfair it was that we made her come over to our house early. Obviously this really hurt DW's feelings because she feels like SD8 doesn't want to be here. (Which, honestly, is probably true because here she has chores, can't play video games or watch TV all day, and has a little brother who requires attention to be taken away from her).

Fast forward to this weekend, after a week of relative peace. Saturday she was in a piss poor mood because she had to go grocery shopping with us. It really isn't the end of the world, an hour out of her time... plus she plays games on DW's phone the entire time, so it is not like she's completely bored. She gets pissy because she is too big to sit in a cart, and BS3 gets to. (SD8 is large for her age... size of an average 12 year old... she's tall, that's all we hear from people anymore.) After just general bad behavior during the day, at night DW makes dinner - it was a pretty good dish with crispy fish and a cheesy polenta. Everyone liked it, even BS3, but not SD8. She wouldn't touch any of her dinner. This is something her mother had made several times before and she's never had an issue with. We don't make them clean their plates at our house, but they have to eat at least a little bit of something. SD8 takes a bite of her polenta, looks at her mom and says: "This makes me want to throw up. Dinner is so bad it is going to make me puke."

DW looks like someone just slapped her in the face, and sits there stunned. My cue to step in. I told SD8 what she said just then was incredibly rude, and that I never want to hear her say that about her mother's, my, or anyone else's cooking. That she should be happy that she has food to eat, let alone complain about. I can see tears in DW's eyes, and I ask SD8 if she understands. "Well, I don't like it." I explain as calmly as possible, that she needs to put herself in her mother's shoes. "How would you like it if you made a drawing for your mom, and she told you it was ugly and looking at it made her want to puke?" THEN she got it. She tried to send herself to her room, but DW told her to stay and reiterated that she had used unacceptable language and needed to eat SOME dinner. SD8 was clinging to DW the rest of the night, talking to her every 10 seconds. The kid is not an idiot, she just doesn't think about the words coming out of her mouth. I guess like most kids.

Then Sunday comes. BS3 was up early (6am!) and DW got up with him (we take turns on the weekends getting up early, I had Saturday). SD8 apparently came out a few minutes after DW got BS3 out to the living room and the first thing she said to DW was "When am I going to BioDad's house?" No good morning, nothing. I didn't hear it but DW says it was dripping with attitude when said as well. DW tells her normal time - 5pm. SD8 starts whining, complaining, and even crying hysterically. At this point I can hear and get up... SD storms past me into her room. I ask DW what that was all about and she tells me that SD8 is pissed because she wants to go to BioDad's house early because he brought her to our house early last week. DW refused, explaining again that it is not our fault her father schedules appointments during his time with her. SD8 still does not believe DW that it was BioDad, and not us, who made this arrangement last week. He can clearly do no wrong in her eyes, because he is SuperFun McNoRules! Anyway, I start making coffee and SD comes storming out again: "Well, BioDad said I could go early because he brought me here early! You aren't fair! It's not fair!" Storms away again. DW texts BioDad and he confirms that he told SD8 she would be coming over to his house early without even asking DW if this was ok! Typical BioDad - so now this makes DW the bad guy again. Again SD comes storming out crying hysterically, going on and on. DW explains to SD that this is all her father's fault - just because he is skipping his time with her that does not mean he gets to take our time with her. SD wasn't having it. DW was at the end of her rope and said "Fine! Go to your Dad's house! Do you want to stay over there all the time? Because all we ever hear from you anymore is how much you want to go there!" DW is crying now. Eesh... glad I stayed out of it.

So, DW probably shouldn't have said that to SD. But I get it, how fed up she is with having to play the bad guy. She's not perfect, but she does a hell of a lot more disciplining of SD8 than BioDad does. We ended up taking SD8 to BioDad's house at 9am (before BS3's swimming lesson), so SD8 got her way. That is my biggest annoyance - SD8 just again got her way by throwing a temper tantrum. I didn't say anything to DW about it though, as I knew it wasn't the time. Instead I took us out for a surprise brunch after the swimming lesson, and we played with BS3 all day. DW's mood markedly improved after that.