Shaking my head
For the last 3 years or so I've routinely told DW that SD8 does not speak appropriately to adults. She is very rude, back-talks constantly, gives huge attitude when asked to do something, and is a general smart-ass. This has pretty much been the case since I met her when she was 3, but it has gotten worse as she's gotten older. She won't dare speak to DW this way (and when she does she is punished), but with me it is pretty much constant.
I ask her to clean her room: temper tantrum, smart ass remarks, etc.
I tell her it is the night she has to practice violin: more of the same.
Ask her to bring laundry in: same.
Ask her not to talk with food her in mouth: same.
You get the picture.
DW has taken classes so often times I am along with SD and that is when her behavior is the worst, but it often happens even when DW is in another room. I long ago got to the point where if something needed to be done, I told DW to tell SD to do it. The punishments I could enact on SD just didn't work. Even when DW isn't around, I've taken to telling SD "Well I guess I'll just have to have your mother tell you to do it." That usually shuts her up and although she is super dramatic and takes forever to do anything, she will do it.
However, her constant back-talking and smart-ass comments that she makes have never stopped. They have been happening even with DW in the room for 5 years now. Apparently that is how SD talks to her father, and I've expressed on countless occassions to DW how this pisses me off. DW has never really backed me up. Usually she'll acuse me of nit-picking SD. However I'm not the only one who has noticed this: my mother has, and SD's Nana certainly has. It is ridiculous and I would have been spanked had I spoken like this to another adult when my parents were around.
But suddenly, this week, DW is actually calling out SD8 for her back-talking and smart ass comments, and giving her real consequences.
Why?
Well, on Monday BioDad's wife (new stepmom) called my DW. She called and told DW that SD8 is doing the EXACT SAME THING with new stopmom as she has been with me for the past 5 years. New stopmom tells DW all of the same shit I've been saying about SD8's behavior, but also that BioDad won't do anything about it other than say "stop." No punishments, nothing. New StepMom tells DW that she's not getting support from BioDad on this issue... and that SD8 is basically being a huge bitch to her.
So, DW has a "talk" with SD, and suddenly starts punishing her for this behavior here with me.
I just don't get it. I mean DW, did you not believe me about this behavior? Did you have your head in the sand and it only comes out when someone outside of OUR relationship says something to you about it? Does it only matter because new stepmom says it is an issue, and not me?
And she wonders why I can't treat this kid like I treat my own.
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Comments
How'd she get to be 8 (3rd
How'd she get to be 8 (3rd grade?) and not have a teacher call her out on this???
I suppose you could look at the bright side. Better DW deals with this now than never!
You know, this is one
You know, this is one complaint that we've never received from a teacher. It seems maybe she limits it to relatives/steps? Maybe because at school she would have the embarassment of getting in trouble in front of her friends - she is very concerned about what everyone else thinks about her.
I can't get over the image of
I can't get over the image of a sm calling bm and successfully receiving a behavior change.
Isn't this the same sm that you had to go to a party with and watch your sd be all up in her grill or in the new "grandparents" grill?
Guess those salad days are over, ha!
Anyone would be miffed in your shoes. I would point it out to dw and ask her if her own husband deserves at least the same respect she gives to her ex-husband's new spouse. I really would. I would flat out tell her it feels lousy and you would like her to make it up to you.
Yeah, one in the same.
Yeah, one in the same. Apparently the "new car smell" of new stepmom has worn off for SD.
I don't really know new stepmom that well, and while she's sort of overstepped her boundaries a few times already (even in my eyes), she is a much better parent than BioDad is. I think DW recognizes this too, and that is why she started to get on SD about it.
I have really considered bringing it up, but it will end in a huge argument. DW will definitely be defensive and say that she has always been punishing SD for the way she speaks to me. She hasn't, and most of the time doesn't even react, but oh well. I'm sort of thinking that if this actually leads to some change in DW punishing SD's behavior (or SD's behavior itself), I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Well, I think that new
Well, I think that new stepmom is actually a fairly decent parent. Much better than BioDad is, anyway. However she is in much the same boat I am. I don't think SD hates new stepmom either, it is just that SD has a problem with authority.
Of course the new line I'm getting is that because SD is so tall for her age, that everyone thinks she should be more grown up than she is. There is always an excuse.
>I just don't get it. I mean
>I just don't get it. I mean DW, did you not believe me about this behavior?<
Par for the course.
When I told my DW that something was wrong with SS. That I didn't think it was normal for him to be jumping from subject to subject when talking to him and then forgetting about subjects of discussion that HE STARTED...
"Oh Drac0. He's just a kid."
"Oh Drac0. You're exageratting."
"Oh Drac0. You just expect too much from him."
"Oh Drac0. He's just excited."
But when my MIL, SS's teachers and SS's child psychologist say there is something "off" with SS....NOW DW listens, and agrees to have him checked out
'lo and behold, SS has ADHD....
This has been going on for years...
Me: "DW. SS doesn't study enough..."
DW: "But he brought back a test the other day with 100% on it!"
Me: "Uh-huh....What about all the other tests and projects?"
DW: *blink* *blink*
Flash forward to report card day. not a single grade above a 60%
See, in my case even when
See, in my case even when three different teachers across two different schools alluded to SD having ADHD, DW wouldn't believe them. I told her the same thing. But I get the "oh, she's a good kid" response.
So now we have SD8 doing poorly in school because she probably has undiagnosed ADHD. SD just took the state testing at school and we're due the results next month. I know it isn't going to be pretty.
I can hear the excuses now: "Oh, testing just isn't her thing." "The school didn't teach the right material." Etc.