Sorry no help here. My therapist was unethical and started treating my exh and told him to put locks on rooms he didn't want me to go in and use. Then she told him if our marriage didn't make him happy that he should divorce me.

Ours worked for a while. But he's right back to being a Disney Dad and trying to appease BM. Not as bad but still an issue. Good luck!

I've had 2 experiences of couples counselling. The first time was very effective, it was a slow process but it made a huge difference to our relationship. I felt the therapist took time to understand the issues and dynamics and was able to relate well to both my husband and I. We both felt heard, and she came up with practical solutions to some of the issues, she also helped DH understand that issues from his own childhood were affecting his behaviour. Everything was hugely better for a couple of years, until YSD moved in aged 14 and gradually the stress of dealing with her many problems took us right back into negative cycles of resentment and hostility.

The second time in couples counselling with a different therapist was very recent and no help at all. The counsellor didn't understand the dynamic between us, I didn't feel she really heard and understood how I was feeling, she didn't really challenge DH at all and kept wanting to shortcut to simple solutions to surface issues. She had a very textbook approach to stepfamily issues and came across as patronizing, guess what, telling me that relationships between stepparents and stepchildren are different to the relationships with your own children is no help at all when you've already been doing this for 10 years. We've stopped seeing her and are trying to find another counsellor. IN this situation they really need to have experience of family counselling, not just couples counselling, because so many of the issues relate to the family situation as a whole. If you come out of the sessions feeling misunderstood and worse than you did when you went in then it's probably not the right counsellor for you.

I went to ONE therapy session, with the idea of eventually brining in DH. Never went back as this therapist basically told me that "that's how things work" in blended families referring to me never being #1 and that if this was an issue for me then my DH never should have married me... dang that hurt!

Yep - had the "bad" experience, the first one OH and I tried.

He pretty much sat and listened while we fought, and when he did bother to speak up it was to ask ME why I had an issue with sd12 getting IN to my bed with her dad when I got up in the mornings.... ("he sleeps naked for one thing" was my response, "not to mention we have sex on those sheets, it's the ONLY place in the house where we can be alone and I don't want that compromised, AND - the kicker - it's MY space in the house and I want to keep it that way")

We went 3 times (we are generous!)

The second one we tried was very good, saw him about 4 times last year (August?) He listened, helped us to see each others perspective and learn ways to talk things through etc.

OH has been backsliding though and forgotten the whole "we are on the same side, we need to listen to each other and TALK through issues to find solutions, not just yell and blame" Soooo, we tried to make an appt with second counsellor again, as we need some refresher work LOL, only to find he has moved on.... So I have an appt with a new guy on Thursday, he'll see us both separately the first time, then as a couple after that. Fingers crossed LOL

FDH and I are in therapy and our therapist is unbiased it has helped a ton. I actually wish we could go more often, we go about once a month bc he's so booked. He's honest and he says things that we can't say to eachother without getting defensive and he gives us tools to work situations out and helps us find a middle ground. Fdh thinks I just get mad about everything that has to do with sd16- our therapist explained that anyone would be upset with the things sd16 is doing and helped me use other "tools" besides getting mad or angry. I definitely recommend it. Do your research on therapists in your area first

Therapists are humans too. Some will work with your issues and some won't. The big thing is not to give up if the first one doesn't work out.