does it get better?

So my fsd and i have not gotten along in about 6 months. Basically since her dad and me got engaged i can see her challenging me at every chance she can. My question....does or ever get better? ...or is this my life now? She didn't used to be this way so i keep hoping things go back to normal but I'm losing hope. Its amazing how a 9 year old can make me feel like nothing. Any words of wisdom or glimmers or hope from a step parent who has made it through the transition??

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The simple answer is that it

The simple answer is that it CAN get a whole lot worse before it gets better, unless you follow the excellent advice that I was given...which brings about pretty much overnight changes!
Where I went wrong, and this is embarrasing to own, is that I allowed a 13 year old to push my buttons. so to speak, and this girl found buttons in me that I did not know were there...she's exceptionally bad assed and very smart though, in university at barely 17!
Sit down and think, like I did, what the 'hot spots' are, figure out how to check your reactions and still be 'same as before'.
It's my firm belief that kids manipulate parents from inches long...not knee high. Especially little girls with daddy. FSD is feeling threatened and reacting, basically, and as long as she feels reassured that things will carry on as usual then she'll level back out. What is important is how FDH handles the situation too, however, you can only advise him of your thoughts and feelings and try NOT to let negativity in.
FSD will manipulate you as long as you allow her to...it's really as simple as that. I learned the hard way, what can I say?

It can only get better if

It can only get better if biodad puts her in her place, which is the proper role in the household, aka the CHILD! Letting her know in no uncertain terms that she is a CHILD and is NOT allowed to dictate what goes on under the adult's roof. Period. If biodad finds fsd's antics "charming" or "endearing" in any way, shape or form OR he CHOOSES to ignore the antics or worse yet, take fsd's side, the relationship is doomed and it signals he is NOT ready for another adult relationship.

Hes really good about

Hes really good about supporting me. Even if he doesn't agree with something i do he always backs me infront of her Problem is shes very good at only acting out when hes not there to see it then tells him how mean i am because i get her in trouble. He doesn't beleive that I'm mean but does think i need to be a little more sensitive to her feelings. If he could only see how she acts!! If she behaved there would be no issue. She just doesn't like i don't let her get away with things.

Wow sounds like my life!!i

Wow sounds like my life!!i will def. Get the book. Thanks for the advice!!

You're right! I do the same

You're right! I do the same thing...apperently i have LOTS of buttons! I just need to learn how to control my reaction. I don't consider myself someone who gets upset easily but she sure knows how to get under my skin! I think my main struggle is i grew up very disciplined and showing respect. She is a pretty good kid so i don't feel like shes had much discipline and therefore doesn't handle it well. She has no respect for me whatsoever. I know she doesn't except me as a parental figure which is ok right now but she doesn't even give me the respect a child should give an adult in general. She doesn't get that shes the child and that were not at the same level. I find myself avoiding disciplinary action when its needed because i don't want to deal with the tantrum that follows. Her dad tells me its part of being a parent ans to get used to it. I know hes right but im not a parent! I wish he could be a little more supportive and realize i havent been doing this for 9 years and im doing the best i can! When she gets mad at her dad she gets over it and still loves him. We don't have that unconditional love for each other and i don't like being hated all the time....even if it is by a 9 year old . I don't know how to seperate my emotions and not take it personal because to me it is personal. I also have a hard time viewing her as a child sometimes and i hold it against her like she is doing this to me on purpose and plans it. I know thats not right but i don't know how to let it go and not have her behavior effect my feelings for her. Right now i force myself to spend any time around her.

I agree that it gets worse at

I agree that it gets worse at puberty, SD was hell on wheels! What I did was disengaged some and focused on living my life...yeah Queen of all I survey...as long as I do not look too far out the window (chuckle).

I had to stop letting SD get to me though, seriously, it was having a very negative impact and she was laughing all the way to the bank. It was night and day difference the second I stopped dignifying her bullshit though, she had to find another sucker! We get along, she no longer lives here, DH FINALLY began some tough love with the younger two after I disengaged. He saw first hand how it was, they had to bug him for everything and not me...hey...go ask daddy! They brought that on themselves by disrespectfully telling/yelling at me that they do not have to do what I say because I am NOT THEIR MOMMA! Sure enough, I told them they are right, I am not. I also told them that I do not have to do mom things for them iether. Disciplining the kids was the only hot spot in our house, DH finally had enough and told them 'no'. He's a pacifist by nature, I cannot argue with his nature but I am glad he finally stepped up and did the right thing.

We've lives together for

We've lives together for almost 3 years. It waajt until we got engaged that this issues started. I agree i need to not allow her to effect how i feel about my life. I just don't know how to seperate myself from it where i don't let it get to me anymore. Does it just happen one day?

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